A little over a year ago I got a call from my son’s doctor. I was told that a mild case of anemia seemed to be getting worse and that a bone marrow biopsy was in order.
A day which started out as a good one changed when I got that call. Everything I’d planned that day instantly took a back seat. There was only one thing on my mind; I had to get to my son.
I met him in his apartment building parking lot as he’d just driven back from the appointment. I asked him how he felt and kept asking him until the day of the biopsy six days later. He told me I was annoying. He hated that I called him five times a day to ask him how he was doing. His answer–”Mom, I’m okay.”
But I wasn’t. I was a wreck and spent a lot of time revisiting the past, scanning for an explanation as to why.
Finally the day of the scan arrived. My son who was used to doctors and procedures because of having medical issues most of his life, took it all much better than I did. The nurse practitioner who was to complete the biopsy told me I could watch.
So I did and passed out.
I almost made it through to the end but the last part which involved getting a sample of the bone was more than I could handle.
They told me to put my head between my legs and breathe.
I did and it didn’t help.
Fortunately there was a room with an empty bed across the hall.
The next thing I knew there were six heads over me shouting WAKE UP!
It took about a half hour to pull myself together. My son who was recovering from his procedure shouted, “Mom, are you okay.”
I said “yeah honey, I’ll be fine.”
I felt like a fool. My son lying across the hall having just experienced an extremely painful procedure and yet I fainted.
The nurse who completed the biopsy came across the hall to see how I was doing. She told me I wasn’t the first to have fainted. I suppose she felt knowing I wasn’t the first would help me feel less embarrassed and to a degree it did.
Forty five minutes later we were out the door and my son was again asking me if I was okay…I told him I was and that it was just too hard to watch because I love him so much.
We waited ten days to get the results. My worst fear was that I would again pass out if the news wasn’t good.
Fortunately I didn’t have to worry. The results were perfectly normal.
So why write about this experience?
In my mind I went to the worst place. Instead of thinking this is a way to eliminate possibilities; I went straight to the worst outcome.
Looking at his past health history I knew that he’d endured much in terms of his physical health which quickly sent a red alert to my brain.
But even if the worst case had become a reality I would have had to deal with it. Falling apart wouldn’t have helped him one bit. And sometimes, though not in this case, the worst isn’t always as bad as we might think and the best isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
Maybe the day week month or year that something happens causes us to view situations in a particular light or maybe it’s that too much life is happening and suddenly we’re thrown a curve ball.
In this situation I learned that all my anxiety and worrying mixed with the what if’s don’t help. The only thing that does is to focus on each moment given and concentrate on living each day full of hope and optimism with an awareness that curve balls sometimes do appear.
We can prepare for negative outcomes but for our sakes and those of our loved ones, staying in the moment and focusing on the positive is still the best course of action to take.
Tags: apartment building, appointment, back seat, bone marrow biopsy, day started out good, doctors, dropped my plans, fool, get to my son, I was a wreck, legs, medical issues, met him, mild anemia, mild case, mom, nurse practitioner, on my plate, one thing on my mind, parking lot, six days
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