Hit & Miss versus Conscious & Intentional

We are blessed to have the ability and freedom to make many choices in our daily lives. We decide what we’re going to do with each new day.

We also have the opportunity to make choices when it comes to dating. We might decide to meet new friends at a local club or other night spot. Maybe we take a class, learn to dance, or take part in sports activities in hopes of meeting new people. We can choose to search through online dating profiles and send a wink or drop a line. After all, we’re the choosers and we make choices!

Since we have the opportunity to make dating choices, how do we do it? Do we use a hit and miss selection process or do we make conscious and intentional choices? With hit and miss we may not dig too deep in our early screening process. We might be satisfied if the guy is attractive, charming, has sex appeal, and is employed. He might also have a great smile, is initially attentive, and seems witty and clever. We might think, okay—why not, let’s give it a shot! So we get involved quickly and two or three months down the road this man who was once hanging on our every word barely hears anything we say. He might even drop not so subtle hints he’s moving on by playing U2’s I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For when we’re within ear shot or maybe has disappeared altogether. Oh boy…

On the other hand when consciously and intentionally looking for a dating partner we spend more time looking for people who meet our unique requirements. For example if a woman requires a stable and financially secure partner she wouldn’t settle for a man who has held ten jobs in the past three years, doesn’t have a current job, and isn’t motivated to find one. Another woman might require a man who is healthy in mind body and spirit so isn’t going to date someone who is an active alcoholic uninterested in sobriety.

When we choose the hit and miss approach to dating we don’t necessarily direct our dating lives but rather spend a lot of time wishing and hoping things turn out alright. We’re not committed to figuring out what we require in a partner because we really just want a partner. There is also a tendency to ignore red flags and become quickly involved emotionally and physically. Only later on and after we’re in deep do we question our decision to get close so soon.

In the long run, even though it may seem more time consuming; think how much wear and tear we save on our emotional and mental health by consciously and intentionally selecting dating partners. Think of how great it would be to go into the dating process having a clear vision regarding our relationship requirements as well as knowing what we want and need in a partner. We understand that life and time are precious to all of us including those we choose to date.

This past fall I enrolled in a conscious dating class through The Relationship Coaching Institute www.RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com. I and the other women in my class were guided through a step by step process with a relationship coach in order to create an individualized dating plan. This class gave me tools I wish I’d had earlier in life. I now have an action plan and am excited about taking a proactive approach to dating rather than using the wishing/hoping strategy. Of course dating has got to be fun but like anything else in life it’s likely that dating will be smoother with a plan in place. Sure, perfect partners don’t exist but by aiming for what we need want and require, we stand a better chance of finding a lasting relationship.

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