Posts Tagged ‘truth’

Strong Arming & Silencing You

Monday, July 30th, 2018

No ContactIf you are in a relationship with a partner who practices strong arming you are familiar with words that block you from speaking your truth. Having a conversation that confronts or questions is usually met with blocks such as:

We’re not going to talk about this.


I’ve told you I don’t want to talk about this.


Don’t talk to me about this.


If you continue to talk about this or if you don’t stop talking about this–there’s the door.

etc. etc.

You may think you are obligated to keep silent.

You might decide that having your truth heard is not worth the fallout and choose to keep your thoughts to yourself.

However, by silencing your truth you squelch who you are as a human being.

You miss out on being who you are meant to be.

No one has the right to take YOU out of the picture.

No one has the right to tell you what you can and can’t talk about.

No one has the right to tell you that what you have to say means nothing and is better left unsaid.

But every time you allow another person to silence your words you are allowing another person to take away your freedom to be you.

Strong arming is a tactic used by abusers and is used to gain and retain power.

You don’t have to live life being strong armed.

The only person stopping you from breaking the pattern is YOU.

You only have one life. Make it your own.

As always if you are in a situation in which you are not safe seek help.

1-800-799-7233 Domestic Abuse Hotline

Defeating the Narcissist

Saturday, December 2nd, 2017

Defeating the narcissist is not hard yet it does require that you do something which might appear foreign to you but is absolutely necessary.

You must anchor into the truth of you.

You must feel into who you are and the knowing of who you are.

You must believe that you know who you are and that no one else on this earth knows this truth better than you do.

You must partner with yourself and believe in what your inner being tells you.

You must believe what your inner being tells you ALWAYS even when you come face to face with someone who tells you that you don’t know who you are and that you don’t know what you want, don’t know what is happening, and don’t know what you’re talking about.

Narcissists will tell you whatever they need to tell you to manifest their agenda. Everything they do and say is a means to that end.

Narcissists will lie when it suits them which is quite often.

Narcissists will lie when there is absolutely no reason to lie. They may tell you they had cereal for breakfast when they really had pancakes. They may tell you they bought a new coat when they didn’t and then when you compliment them on their new coat the next time you see them they say it’s not new and that they never told you they bought a new coat.

Narcissists are unconscious. They don’t face the truth of who they are because their wounding, like all of us who are among the walking wounded, have deep wounds from childhood. We either face these wounds and heal them or we don’t. Narcissists don’t and they won’t.

Our job has human beings is to live consciously in our own truth. When we do this we stop dancing with narcissists. When we face our own truth we have no interest in narcissists and want nothing to do with them.

If you are separated from and must co-parent with a narcissist stand up for the truth of you and for your children. Face the obstacles in your way and calmly and deliberately get your ducks in a row and keep them there. Do your research and document. Document even when you don’t think you need to document because the narcissist will throw you off if you are not one step ahead of them at all times. When you consistently take care of business they will see the change, your children will see the change, and you will feel the change in your mind and in your body. At this point the contact you have with them is only for your children–their health and wellness, scheduling, education.

Narcissists sniff out unconscious co-dependents like heat seeking missiles AND they know when a person is not worth messing with. They know this because people who are grounded in who they are won’t put up with people who play games with the heart, the mind, and the soul. Grounded people know themselves and know exactly what they need to make their lives work. They ask questions of other people that will give them the answers they need. They don’t put up with other people telling them untruths about who they are because they already know who they are. They don’t fall for sweet words that are all fluff and no substance. Remember, narcissists tell people anything they think is necessary in order to get others to do what they want them to do. When you call them on their words and stand tall in your own truth consistently they will back off and slink away.

Defeating the narcissist isn’t the end goal. Defeating the narcissist is a necessary step that must be taken in order to have the space and the freedom to move you forward to your true self.

No Contact

Anchored In Your Truth

Sunday, September 17th, 2017

When you’re anchored in your truth you feel it.

There’s no need to beg for accountability from others because what someone else does or doesn’t do has nothing to do with you.

When we beg for accountability from another person we’re not anchored in our truth. We are living from the outside in rather than the inside out meaning that we are only okay as long as outside forces are behaving in ways we have grown to expect.

This isn’t to say that we shouldn’t expect others to be accountable for their actions. Yet if our truth and our life being okay hinge solely on what others do and don’t do and who others are or aren’t we’re setting ourselves up for failure.

When we’re anchored in our truth other people can do or say or be who and what they want to be. We will not fall apart because it isn’t what we want them to do or be. We can encourage and if asked, give our opinion but other people get to live their lives without us passing judgement on them.

We don’t need to be around people who do not match who we are–that is always our choice to make.

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Past Future and Present

Monday, July 11th, 2016

You can’t change the past

And it’s not wise to force the future.

Be true to yourself in the present. What’s true for you might not jive

with what’s true for others but to lie to yourself and call anothers truth

your own puts a lock on a life of despair.

No Contact

A Little Truth

Monday, December 22nd, 2014

There’s a little truth behind every just kidding, a little curiosity behind every just wondering, a little knowledge behind every I don’t know, and a little emotion behind every I don’t care.

Ritu Ghatourey

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Two Sides

Monday, December 15th, 2014

There are two sides to every story and more often than not somewhere in the middle you will find the truth.

Vladislas Nikilovic


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There is No Perfect

Monday, August 19th, 2013

There is no perfect in life. There’s only revelations of our own truth that we keep trying to master over a lifetime. It is always a work in progress.


Tuesday, June 18th, 2013

Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity.

W. Clement Stone

Ever Been Stood Up?

Saturday, December 15th, 2012

Have you ever been stood up for a date, event, or social gathering you planned with one or more people? How did you feel about it?

Ask yourself this: if the shoe were on the other foot would you be a no show? If you would, then most likely you don’t mind when others do the same to you. If on the other hand, you’re not cool with planning, preparing, anticipating and then waiting for one or more who don’t come through, you’ll feel the disappointment and frustration in your gut.

Being stood up by a friend, date, partner, spouse, etc.  should happen exactly once. How long does it take to make a quick call to let someone know you can’t make it? My guess is the call could take as little as thirty seconds.

If you easily forgive or dismiss it when you’re stood up a first time you’re nearly guaranteed it will happen again.

We teach people how to treat us. If we consistently overlook poor treatment by others, they do take notice. It would be nice if everyone we meet and develop friendships and relationships with treated us fairly all the time but the truth is, people will fail us; that’s the way life is.

To minimize the chances of being stood up more than once, acknowledge it for what it is–don’t let it slide. Let the other person know you don’t like it and will not tolerate it. Many of us overlook too often and when we shouldn’t. We get used to accommodating the needs of others and would rather keep the peace at any price than risk losing a connection with another person.

Does this mean we are forced to become rigid and unforgiving. NO! It means we show others who we are and how we want to be treated.

Get used to asking for what you want.

Get used to showing others who you are.

Expect respect.

Walking Away from Something…

Friday, June 8th, 2012

Anytime I am looking to somebody else as my source, I’m coming from scarcity. I am no longer trusting God or the universe, for my harvest. It’s reasonable for me to have expectations based on what somebody I trusted has committed to. And it’s natural for me to feel disappointed when that somebody doesn’t come through. But when I feel more than disappointment, when I also feel anger, it’s because I deviated from my truth. It’s because I compromised my truth to get what somebody else promised. Because when I am really following my truth, I will be at peace with the consequences–whatever they are. I can accept somebody else’s truth,but I must live with my own truth. And sometimes that means walking away from a relationship.

Jan Denise