Posts Tagged ‘too much’

Overly Grateful

Sunday, October 15th, 2017

Being grateful and appreciative toward others is in general a good way to be. Being overly grateful and communicating just how grateful you truly are is something else and can set you up for abuse.

We hear a lot about gratitude and even journaling about the people and things in life that we feel so grateful to have. Being grateful is something to strive for especially in a society where a strong sense of entitlement is actually becoming more and more common.

The thing is you need to watch just how much gratitude you put out there.

If someone does something special for you and your reaction to this is something like–no one has ever done this for me before or I am so grateful to you for going out of your way to do this for me or you shouldn’t have done this or thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for this kind gesture etc.

Own your gratitude and do show your appreciation but be No Contactmindful of the attention you receive from others. The consideration you give to yourself is as important if not more so than what you receive from another person.

On Being Liked & What Mom Thinks

Sunday, July 20th, 2014

If you are living your life like the rest of us you probably hope that most of the people you are close to in your life actually like you. Everyone else – you’re not too bothered by whether they like you or not.

The thing you may be more concerned about with casual acquaintances is their approval rating. How do you rank with them in terms of the decisions you make, the way you do your work, etc.

None of us may want to admit it; but walking around in daily life, we look for approval. Maybe not so much that we’ve got to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the things we do are acceptable but more that what we do is in line with what other people would do if they were in our shoes.

I was talking with my mom awhile back and she let me know that she thinks  my life is too fast paced and that I will wear myself out in no time at all.

I would like to say that what she had to say didn’t bother me but the reality is this is mom and what she says makes a difference to me.

So I told her that she’s right, my life is fast paced because I have  a new business (now with it two years–still new) and have to learn lots of new information and remember what I already know. She’s saying okay, I see, uh huh. But I know she still thinks I’m too busy.

I took note of what she said and will think about things I can do to give me more time to relax.

After all, this is mom talking. She may not like my chosen career (she says she wouldn’t work in sales on a bet) and she may not completely understand why I’m doing it but she respects that I made the decision to do it.

On wanting to be liked–I’d rather be liked than hated but when it gets right down to it, being liked by others is nice but I’d rather be liked by me and those close to me which Mom is among those at the top of that list.

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Relationship Overachievers

Wednesday, February 19th, 2014

Overachievers have a very hard time with mediocrity. They don’t know how to be average.

A few years back I was taking classes to keep my teaching license active. I was taking these classes summer term while working full time and had made up my mind before the classes started that I was going to do C level work because to try and give maximum effort would be too hard on me.

So I started three online classes and deliberately down scaled my effort in each one. By the second week of the term I had my first set of grades in two classes and had earned a D in both.  I couldn’t believe it! I was giving what I thought was an average effort but evidently my average effort was less than adequate. By the end of that week I got my grade in the third class which ended up being a C-. I decided there wasn’t enough time to figure out how to do average work so went back to giving my usual effort which landed me A’s in all three classes.

For those of us who are habitual overachievers life can be tricky because overachievement isn’t just about what we do in school or at work–it crosses over into our personal lives including our relationships. We are compelled to give our best effort but what is the price we pay for doing so?

We try hard–sometimes too hard to make relationships work. Maybe we push ourselves, the other person, our children, or circumstances just to keep relationships going even when there is a nagging feeling something’s just not right.

Maybe we see failure as something to be avoided at all costs or simply feel that we must try harder because there is something we don’t know yet and once we do know everything will work out. We might even allow ourselves and/or are children to be put into questionable or even dangerous situations just to keep a relationship alive.

It gets to the point where it’s no longer a question of overachieving, it’s a question of what is the most reasonable and sanest thing we can do for ourselves and our families.

None of us should stay in destructive relationships because we feel leaving means we’ve failed. Leaving really means we are seeking health and wellness.

When we rush into relationships or try too hard to make bad relationships work out we’re often trying to create loving relationships all by ourselves. The other person either isn’t interested or not capable of the same effort.

When we can see that what we’ve got is not working it’s best to follow our gut face it and move on. If we are looking to achieve why not put maximum effort toward learning about ourselves–who we are, what we want, and how we want to live our lives.

When we face life head on without a unhealthy relationship dragging us down we create openings for opportunity. When we take time to stand on our own and learn to appreciate our strengths we will in turn seek people who appreciate who we are and all we have to offer.

 

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Too Hard? Can’t Take it Anymore?

Tuesday, December 10th, 2013

The past two months have been the hardest I’ve had since I left my past job  and went into business as a window treatment franchisee. Last week I said the words out loud that I’d hoped I would never feel the need to say–

This is way too hard; I can’t take it anymore!

The phones and doorbell were endlessly ringing, there were many customer consultations, there were employee issues, product issues, dog barking issues (in response to the ringing doorbell), family illness and I could feel my stress level climbing.

Before October I’d felt pretty good about the way I was handling things. There were times when it would get busy but I was able to maintain. Now things were different. It was busy, very busy and there were new challenges, new types of installations, interviewing, hiring, and it was all coming down at the same time.

I wasn’t getting personal stuff done like it needed to be. Relatively simple tasks like getting the mail and going to the store became big challenges. Walking the dog was either a block up the street or not at all.

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Ready…Set…Start

Thursday, November 7th, 2013

I have so much trouble starting a new task.

I fear it!!

Afraid I’ll mess it up but more afraid that it may involve more than I anticipated.

Tasks that bother me the most are ones that are new to me which have been many as of late.

I’ve been trying to be easy on myself by saying things like–

stay steady

Rome wasn’t built in a day

Take it one step at a time

Yesterday was one of those days. I knew I had to get a pile of stuff done that was on my desk. I also knew I had to keep the perspective to do one thing at a time.

So here’s how it went:

Take a deep breath

Okay, do the first thing. Okay got it.

Do number two–wasn’t so hard, check that one off.

Okay now STOP! Take a break, come back to it.

As the pile became thinner I could breathe a sigh of relief and see that I’d made enough progress to call it a night so I did.

It’s never easy to feel behind–at least for me that is something I don’t do well with. But the thing is, doing something, even if it’s not conquering everything all at once is very comforting. It’s a feeling I can live with knowing that what didn’t get done will get done–one step at a time.

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Resolutions to Reflect on the Good You Already Do

Tuesday, January 1st, 2013

It’s a new year and with it are the resolutions to try harder  or do something more or better than we did last year.

What if we don’t stop striving for improvement but in addition give ourselves a break by reflecting on what we already do well.

Just think of the relief in knowing that you’re already doing a good job. Sure there’s always room for improvement but there is already plenty of emphasis put on doing more better faster.

Why not have resolutions more in line with breathe easier live calmer and you’re already doing a heck of a job?

Give yourself a break. Take time for you.

The time we take for ourselves and our families are the gifts we get in life. These moments are the best that life has to offer.

Happy New Year!