Posts Tagged ‘too hard’

Relationship Overachievers

Wednesday, February 19th, 2014

Overachievers have a very hard time with mediocrity. They don’t know how to be average.

A few years back I was taking classes to keep my teaching license active. I was taking these classes summer term while working full time and had made up my mind before the classes started that I was going to do C level work because to try and give maximum effort would be too hard on me.

So I started three online classes and deliberately down scaled my effort in each one. By the second week of the term I had my first set of grades in two classes and had earned a D in both.  I couldn’t believe it! I was giving what I thought was an average effort but evidently my average effort was less than adequate. By the end of that week I got my grade in the third class which ended up being a C-. I decided there wasn’t enough time to figure out how to do average work so went back to giving my usual effort which landed me A’s in all three classes.

For those of us who are habitual overachievers life can be tricky because overachievement isn’t just about what we do in school or at work–it crosses over into our personal lives including our relationships. We are compelled to give our best effort but what is the price we pay for doing so?

We try hard–sometimes too hard to make relationships work. Maybe we push ourselves, the other person, our children, or circumstances just to keep relationships going even when there is a nagging feeling something’s just not right.

Maybe we see failure as something to be avoided at all costs or simply feel that we must try harder because there is something we don’t know yet and once we do know everything will work out. We might even allow ourselves and/or are children to be put into questionable or even dangerous situations just to keep a relationship alive.

It gets to the point where it’s no longer a question of overachieving, it’s a question of what is the most reasonable and sanest thing we can do for ourselves and our families.

None of us should stay in destructive relationships because we feel leaving means we’ve failed. Leaving really means we are seeking health and wellness.

When we rush into relationships or try too hard to make bad relationships work out we’re often trying to create loving relationships all by ourselves. The other person either isn’t interested or not capable of the same effort.

When we can see that what we’ve got is not working it’s best to follow our gut face it and move on. If we are looking to achieve why not put maximum effort toward learning about ourselves–who we are, what we want, and how we want to live our lives.

When we face life head on without a unhealthy relationship dragging us down we create openings for opportunity. When we take time to stand on our own and learn to appreciate our strengths we will in turn seek people who appreciate who we are and all we have to offer.

 

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Too Hard? Can’t Take it Anymore?

Tuesday, December 10th, 2013

The past two months have been the hardest I’ve had since I left my past job  and went into business as a window treatment franchisee. Last week I said the words out loud that I’d hoped I would never feel the need to say–

This is way too hard; I can’t take it anymore!

The phones and doorbell were endlessly ringing, there were many customer consultations, there were employee issues, product issues, dog barking issues (in response to the ringing doorbell), family illness and I could feel my stress level climbing.

Before October I’d felt pretty good about the way I was handling things. There were times when it would get busy but I was able to maintain. Now things were different. It was busy, very busy and there were new challenges, new types of installations, interviewing, hiring, and it was all coming down at the same time.

I wasn’t getting personal stuff done like it needed to be. Relatively simple tasks like getting the mail and going to the store became big challenges. Walking the dog was either a block up the street or not at all.

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