Posts Tagged ‘talk’

Strong Arming & Silencing You

Monday, July 30th, 2018

No ContactIf you are in a relationship with a partner who practices strong arming you are familiar with words that block you from speaking your truth. Having a conversation that confronts or questions is usually met with blocks such as:

We’re not going to talk about this.

OR

I’ve told you I don’t want to talk about this.

OR

Don’t talk to me about this.

OR

If you continue to talk about this or if you don’t stop talking about this–there’s the door.

etc. etc.

You may think you are obligated to keep silent.

You might decide that having your truth heard is not worth the fallout and choose to keep your thoughts to yourself.

However, by silencing your truth you squelch who you are as a human being.

You miss out on being who you are meant to be.

No one has the right to take YOU out of the picture.

No one has the right to tell you what you can and can’t talk about.

No one has the right to tell you that what you have to say means nothing and is better left unsaid.

But every time you allow another person to silence your words you are allowing another person to take away your freedom to be you.

Strong arming is a tactic used by abusers and is used to gain and retain power.

You don’t have to live life being strong armed.

The only person stopping you from breaking the pattern is YOU.

You only have one life. Make it your own.

As always if you are in a situation in which you are not safe seek help.

1-800-799-7233 Domestic Abuse Hotline

Whisperer

Saturday, May 26th, 2018

No ContactDo you know a whisperer? I had a conversation not too long ago with a friend who told me she doesn’t like to go into her dentist office even though she thinks the dentist is great because the receptionist staff whispers in the receptionist area.

I shrugged and said they probably need to keep quiet because of patient confidentiality.

She said no, she didn’t think that was it and said she’s observed that after a patient comes into the office to check in and then sits down in the waiting area the reception staff whispers among themselves about the patient.

I got to thinking about this and said you know maybe you should say something to the staff. And she said– she didn’t want to make a big deal out of it.

So here’s the thing:

Call it what you will but there are people who like to talk about other people period. There are some people who are not so subtle about it and do it no matter whether the person is with in earshot or not. They like it and they do it and that’s just the way it is. You can like it or not like it and it really doesn’t make any difference because they don’t care.

But here is the absolutely beautiful thing about gossip because when it comes right down to it when a person whispers–it is often gossip.

It doesn’t matter what anyone else says or doesn’t say.

It doesn’t matter who someone else is or isn’t being.

It doesn’t matter what anyone else does or doesn’t do.

The only thing that you or I or anyone else has any control over is ourselves. We have the amazing opportunity to take care of ourselves and what others do or say or who they are or aren’t has absolutely no bearing on us.

The worry about others is a wasted worry. Staying up at night or waking up at night worrying about what you think someone else is doing or saying or being is not in any way shape or form a matter that should hold you captive.

Others can whisper, shout, or scream and it has nothing to do with us.

Take charge, go out there and be you. You are the only person who can and it is your responsibility to do that. Others will either like it or they won’t and be glad that we all have the freedom to make that choice.

Reprogram Self Talk

Saturday, September 23rd, 2017

It is very easy to allow yourself to believe that life will not get better and that you do not have what it takes to move forward successfully in relationships, career, or in any other way.

Being in destructive relationships includes the one you’re in with yourself. When you have been put down, badgered, belittled, ignored, or physically, emotionally, mentally, or sexually abused, it is easy to believe that you cannot do anything right or are not as good as others.

It is easy to think this way because at some point in your life or maybe throughout life you have listened to others who have told you that you are some how defective or are missing something and because of this will always fail.

If whatever you believe, whatever recording you play over and over in your mind is negative, that noise can be deafening.  Silence the noise by playing a new recording–one that is positive uplifting and accurate. Memorize this recording and play it loud. Write it out and stick it to a wall where you will see it every day.

Start playing the new recording today. Play it over and over until you believe it. When the old negative recording starts to creep back into your thoughts focus on drowning it out with the new vibrant positive one.

Instead of being your own worst enemy concentrate on being your best friend.

No Contact

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Give Yourself Reprogramming

Thursday, May 25th, 2017

If you believe life will not get better and that you do not have what it takes to move forward successfully in relationships, career, or in any other way it’s time to give yourself a reprogramming.

Being in destructive relationships includes the one you’re in with yourself. When you have been put down, badgered, belittled, ignored, or physically, emotionally, mentally, or sexually abused, it is easy to believe that you cannot do anything right or are not as good as others.

It is easy to think this way because at some point in your life or maybe throughout life you have listened to others who have told you that you are some how defective or are missing something and because of this will always  fail.

If whatever you believe and/or whatever recording you play over and over in your head is negative that noise can be deafening.  Silence the noise by playing a new recording–one that is positive uplifting and accurate. Memorize this recording and play it loud. Write it out and stick it to a wall where you will see it every day. So for instance, if the recording you play is: I’m a loser and will never ever make it in life; change it to: I am smart and strong and I will have a great life!

Start playing the new recording today. Play it over and over until you believe it. When the old negative recording starts to creep back into your thoughts focus on drowning it out with the new vibrant positive one.

Instead of being your own worst enemy concentrate on being your best friend. Don’t let ghosts from the past and naysayers in the present have power over the way you view yourself!

No Contact

Positive Self Talk

Friday, September 12th, 2014

Being in destructive relationships includes the one you’re in with yourself. When you have been put down, badgered, belittled, ignored, or physically, emotionally, mentally, or sexually abused, it is easy to believe that you cannot do anything right or are not as good as others.

It is easy to think this way because at some point in your life or maybe throughout life you have listened to others who have told you that you are some how defective or are missing something and because of this will always  fail.

If whatever you believe, whatever recording you play over and over in your mind is negative, that noise can be deafening.  Silence the noise by playing a new recording–one that is positive uplifting and accurate. Memorize this recording and play it loud. Write it out and stick it to a wall where you will see it every day.

Start playing the new recording today. Play it over and over until you believe it. When the old negative recording starts to creep back into your thoughts focus on drowning it out with the new vibrant positive one.

Instead of being your own worst enemy concentrate on being your best friend.

No Contact

Relationship Power Distribution

Thursday, June 26th, 2014

When you’re in a relationship where the distribution of power is lopsided, the person with little or no power becomes even more powerless by silencing their own voice. You don’t intentionally stop talking. There is a freeze that happens. You have trouble gathering your thoughts and speaking up when in communication with the person you see as having more power than you. Remember–they have more power only because you have turned your power over to them. When trying to communicate  with a person you have given your power to: take a breath and gather your thoughts; make eye contact; say what you need to say; keep it brief. The more you speak up; the more confident you will be. People who are power mongers are not typically good listeners. They’ll look down, walk away, do something else, but not usually interested in listening to anyone other than themselves. Don’t chase after them to have a conversation. Chasing is like begging–begging for time and attention. As you speak up and reclaim your power you will decide if it is worth your time to communicate with this person. You are responsible for your life and the direction it will take. If you are not safe to have a conversation with the other person and reclaim your power please seek help. http://www.thehotline.org/

No Contact

Be Quiet and Listen

Friday, February 28th, 2014

When you talk, you are repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.

J.P McEvoy

No Contact

Reprogram Self Talk

Tuesday, September 17th, 2013

If you believe life will not get better and that you do not have what it takes to move forward successfully in relationships, career, or in any other way it’s time to reprogram your self talk.

Being in destructive relationships includes the one you’re in with yourself. When you have been put down, badgered, belittled, ignored, or physically, emotionally, mentally, or sexually abused, it is easy to believe that you cannot do anything right or are not as good as others.

It is easy to think this way because at some point in your life or maybe throughout life you have listened to others who have told you that you are some how defective or are missing something and because of this will always  fail.

If whatever you believe and/or whatever recording you play over and over in your head is negative that noise can be deafening.  Silence the noise by playing a new recording–one that is positive uplifting and accurate. Memorize this recording and play it loud. Write it out and stick it to a wall where you will see it every day. So for instance, if the recording you play is: I’m a loser and will never ever make it in life; change it to: I am smart and strong and I will have a great life!

Start playing the new recording today. Play it over and over until you believe it. When the old negative recording starts to creep back into your thoughts focus on drowning it out with the new vibrant positive one.

Instead of being your own worst enemy concentrate on being your best friend. Don’t let ghosts from the past and naysayers in the present have power over the way you view yourself!

No Contact

Talking too Much

Monday, July 15th, 2013

Talking too much–We might say more than we need to in conversation with someone upon a first meeting or with a casual acquaintance.

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Don’t show your hand to an underhanded person. They might just take the information you give them and hand it over to someone else, use it to benefit themselves, or hold onto it for future reference.

Talk to a Dog

Friday, September 28th, 2012

When you’re stressed out or overwhelmed with decisions and changes in  your life find a dog to talk to. That dog will look as though he’s listening and the attention you get from that sweet face will make you feel better.