Posts Tagged ‘sleep’

Conventional Wisdom?

Monday, May 9th, 2016

Conventional wisdom often holds people back and is certainly not all that wise.

If you listen to conventional wisdom you’ve likely been told that if you reach for the stars you’ll never get there or that it’s silly to dream big dreams.

Maybe you’ve been told that your goals are unrealistic and that you need to remember who you are and where you came from. Well intentioned people may tell you you’ll disappoint yourself and you’re setting yourself up for a big let down.

But at the end of the day we must have our dreams as living would be pretty bland without them.

At the beginning of the day were excited because we’ve slept on those big dreams the night before.

I love to imagine myself getting an award and my acceptance speech after I’ve received it.
It makes me feel that it is possible and I’m not let down because I’m dreaming a dream rather than actually receiving that award. In fact, it makes me feel fantastic whether or not I ever actually get it!

The best dreams we have in our sleep are the ones where we soar. Have you had one of these?

Too bad we don’t allow ourselves more time to think of the sweet dreams that are possible for us.

We need more of these dreams.

Conventional wisdom was designed to keep us in line with the norm.
This is cautionary at best, meant to keep us grounded.

And to a degree there is wisdom in grounding BUT where would we be if we only paid attention to the norm?

Think Big.

Dream Big.

Dare to get past convention.

No Contact

Helping Our Children Become Better People

Sunday, May 20th, 2012

I should have known better.

A year and a half ago I knew that my19 year old son’s new work schedule wasn’t working for me.

I was losing sleep because of it.

But it wasn’t until last week that the reality of my decision not to stand firm a year and a half ago finally sunk in.

At 2:30am one mid week morning I woke to the sounds of a motorcycle revving up, the garage door opening and closing, and then a short while later activity in the kitchen. Was it really 2:30am? With all the commotion I would have sworn it was mid-afternoon.

My son works an evening shift–3:30pm to 12am. He has developed a normal routine of bedtime no sooner than 4am and although he typically gives an effort to being quiet mid-last week his effort was sorely lacking.

My words were not firm a year and a half ago. I told him to stop working evening shifts or move but I didn’t follow through.

So yesterday I told my son he would need to work a day shift or move out. There were no if’s, ands, or buts.

He turned in his letter of request for shift change. His evening shift  officially ended four days later.

I wish I would have stood firm sooner but I wasn’t ready.

I waited longer than I should have but when it mattered I did what I needed to do.

It doesn’t work to protect our kids in spite of us.

Life is short. Our kids need to know that they have rights but that they also have responsibilities.

They won’t always get what they want. We can’t always give them what they want–that’s not our job.

Our job is to give them what they need to become better people.

We may get a dirty look, a sigh, the cold shoulder, pouts, etc but at the end of the day we can feel we did our best to form this beautiful young person into a solid individual who is better off because we weren’t afraid to stand firm.

Anxiety After a Break-up

Sunday, April 22nd, 2012

Dealing with the anxiety after a break-up takes a lot of effort. Your mind wanders–usually back to what went wrong, how things might have worked out etc.

Your anxiety can ultimately send you into a tailspin if you allow it. It takes concerted effort and self-discipline to resist the downward spiral.

Take each and every day one step at a time. Sleep, stare at your ceiling, read, do puzzles, rent movies, sip tea, talk to your dog or cat. Talking to our animals can be so therapeutic because even though they don’t know what you’re saying they look as though they do and really do want you to feel better.

Anxiety wears you down. There’s no use in forcing yourself not to think about the break-up–you will and need to. However, discipline yourself to limit the time you spend rehashing the details.  Set reasonable limits when it comes to thinking about it–say 10 minutes at a time.

If you feel that your anxiety is distracting you from your day to day life you may need to seek professional help.

Here is a link to a help guide for anxiety:

http://helpguide.org/mental/anxiety_types_symptoms_treatment.htm

 

 

3am Conversations Create More Problems Than are Solved

Monday, December 19th, 2011

Have you ever had the urge to have a conversation with your partner in the wee hours of the morning?

Have you had concerns about the kids, job, school, your partner, anything that has bothered you to the point where it affects your sleep? If so–you’re not alone. I’m guilty of this as are many others.

Why do we do it?

According to Ralph Downey III, PhD, director of the Sleep Disorders Center at Loma Linda University in California insomnia fuels a cycle of anxiety which results in our catastrophizing at 3am . Say, for example, you have a 9am interview. You go to bed but toss and turn for an hour. You wake up at 3am with nervous thoughts about the interview. Your anxiety spreads to all the other things you need to do the next day. http://bit.ly/c0TiRB

For me, there were issues about my marriage and the option was not available to discuss these issues with my partner during day time or evening hours.

The lesson I learned: If the only time available for conversation is in the middle of the night I rob not only myself but another person of needed sleep. If the only available time for conversation is during normal sleeping hours, the reality is that there is no time available for conversation.

Ideally life conversations need to happen when you and your partner are fully awake and willing. If you feel that despite concerted effort on your part you can not have a conversation with your spouse then you’ve got a decision to make.

Conversation is vital to your relationship. Without it both you and your partner will feel cheated. Eventually the relationship will die or you will stay together but wish you weren’t as you will merely exist in each others space.

Steps You Can Take to Create Conversation:

Let your spouse know you would like to have a conversation.

Set a date and time that is mutually agreeable and meet at that time.

If it has been awhile since the two of you have had a conversation put a time limit on it. Say 30 minutes. When that 30 minutes is up end the conversation and set a date for the next one. In the beginning allow at least one full day between conversations. When you do this you give each other time to think about the previous conversation as well as the next one. If you both want to increase the amount of time spent during conversation make sure the decision is mutual.

While in Conversation Do the Following:

State the issue at hand from your perspective.

Be specific–not vague. Your partner will appreciate your directness. Remember you’ve only got a total of 30 minutes which means approximately 15 minutes each. Your partner is not a mind reader–be as clear as you can.

Once you have stated the issue at hand from your perspective it is your partner’s turn to respond.

Don’t interrupt your partner.

If the conversation begins to feel uncomfortable for either or both of you end it. Walk away before tempers flare.

Always aim for respect in conversation.

If you feel that your relationship is beyond the point where you can have  mutually respectful interaction–don’t attempt it without seeking professional intervention as soon as possible.

We all have occasional wakeful times in the middle of the night that keeps us from normal sleep.  However, when you see that anxiety disrupts your normal sleep pattern and you are waking your partner in the process you need to take action quickly as it doesn’t take long for insomnia to get out of hand.

Sleep is precious as are our relationships.

 

 

 

 

What Was This Dream Trying to Tell Me?

Thursday, November 24th, 2011

I know I had a good sleep last night because I was rested enough to be ending a dream as I woke this morning. The dream however was unsettling.

I was at a stop sign trying to enter a busy highway in a car that was unfamiliar to  me. I was attempting to make a left turn though not completely sure that left was the right way to go. I kept thinking maybe I should I go right so I don’t have to cross two lanes of traffic but decided to stick with the left turn so stayed put.

The seconds that ticked by were now turning into minutes. I sensed tension coming from the motorists behind me.

Just when it looked safe to go in one direction there was a speeding car coming from the other. I decided to turn right after all but as I started to shift into reverse I remembered I was in a different car and peered down at the gear stick. Sure enough, reverse was located between drive 1 and 2, weird I thought.

I continued to wait to go left because the line of cars behind me was getting longer and also didn’t want to take a chance that there would somehow be a malfunction as I shifted into reverse.

After what seemed like an eternity there was an opening and I decided to take it.  Just as I accelerated  a semi was coming from the left.

I woke up.

So what was that about? Why this dream on this morning?

Can’t be sure but I think it had something to do with fear. Fear as I attempt to take a step forward out of my comfort zone. Fear that somehow I’m not ready to venture out, that it would be better to stay where I’m safe, secure, grounded.

Maybe this dream is proof that I’m not ready and should wait before I take a leap. I did after all wake because a semi was coming as I was making a left turn.

I’ll let you know.

I’m waiting on a dream interpretation. http://www.lauriloewenberg.com/

Sunday, August 21st, 2011

Man should forget his anger before he lies down to sleep.  Mahatma Ghandi

With or Without Time

Friday, April 15th, 2011

Most of us battle time. It depends on where you are in your life that dictates whether you have too much or not enough. If you decide that you don’t have enough find a way use the precious free minutes you have to do something you WANT to do and do it. Play your music, read the article, make the salad, take the walk, ride the bike, go to the beach, watch the sunset, write the paragraph, ask the question, call the friend, smell the flowers, sleep.

If on the other hand you have too much time, what can you do to make a difference in your life or someone else’s? It doesn’t take much effort. Stretch your boundaries just a little. Think about something you’ve always said you’d like to do but haven’t yet. What pops up? It’s all out there. Expand.

Don’t Let Depression Swallow You Whole

Saturday, April 2nd, 2011

Depression takes the life out of you. It can swallow you whole and sometimes be as debilitating as a physical illness. Don’t let it take you down–fight it!

If you find that you:

can’t sleep or sleep too much

feel hopeless or helpless

have lost your appetite or can’t stop eating

are more irritable and short-tempered than normal for you

can’t concentrate on tasks or ones that were once easy are now difficult

can’t control negative thoughts

have thoughts that life isn’t worth living (seek immediate help if so)

Seek help because you may be suffering from clinical depression.

Sunday, December 12th, 2010

Life is something that happens when you can’t get to sleep.   Fran Lebowitz

Sleep & Aging

Saturday, November 13th, 2010

http://bit.ly/be7Nd9