Posts Tagged ‘silence’

Strong Arming by Silencing You

Sunday, November 5th, 2017

No ContactIf you are in a relationship with a partner who practices strong arming you are familiar with words that block you from speaking your truth. Having a conversation that confronts or questions is usually met with blocks such as:

We’re not going to talk about this.

OR

I’ve told you I don’t want to talk about this.

OR

Don’t talk to me about this.

OR

If you continue to talk about this or if you don’t stop talking about this–there’s the door.

etc. etc.

You may think you are obligated to keep silent.

You might decide that having your truth heard is not worth the fallout and choose to keep your thoughts to yourself.

However, by silencing your truth you squelch who you are as a human being.

You miss out on being who you are meant to be.

No one has the right to take YOU out of the picture.

No one has the right to tell you what you can and can’t talk about.

No one has the right to tell you that what you have to say means nothing and is better left unsaid.

But every time you allow another person to silence your words you are allowing another person to take away your freedom to be you.

Strong arming is a tactic used by abusers and is used to gain and retain power.

You don’t have to live life being strong armed.

The only person stopping you from breaking the pattern is YOU.

You only have one life. Make it your own.

As always if you are in a situation in which you are not safe seek help.

1-800-799-7233 Domestic Abuse Hotline

Give Time to Yourself

Saturday, December 19th, 2015

No ContactPurposefully give time to yourself–by yourself. Our days are filled with noise. Noise creates stress that keeps our bodies in a constant state of alert. It is difficult to escape sound however you can make a point taking time out and getting away from it as best you can. Your mind needs the stillness and a break from television, radio, voices etc. Try a nature sounds cd.

Relationship Power Distribution

Thursday, June 26th, 2014

When you’re in a relationship where the distribution of power is lopsided, the person with little or no power becomes even more powerless by silencing their own voice. You don’t intentionally stop talking. There is a freeze that happens. You have trouble gathering your thoughts and speaking up when in communication with the person you see as having more power than you. Remember–they have more power only because you have turned your power over to them. When trying to communicate  with a person you have given your power to: take a breath and gather your thoughts; make eye contact; say what you need to say; keep it brief. The more you speak up; the more confident you will be. People who are power mongers are not typically good listeners. They’ll look down, walk away, do something else, but not usually interested in listening to anyone other than themselves. Don’t chase after them to have a conversation. Chasing is like begging–begging for time and attention. As you speak up and reclaim your power you will decide if it is worth your time to communicate with this person. You are responsible for your life and the direction it will take. If you are not safe to have a conversation with the other person and reclaim your power please seek help. http://www.thehotline.org/

No Contact

Lift the Silence!

Monday, October 7th, 2013

When we let others drown out our voice we are silenced.

When we let others command our attention to the point where we are moved to silence, we lose our voice.

When we give up our voice because we are afraid or it’s not worth the energy it would take to stand up and be heard, we lose our voice.

We might quietly decide that our words have less value than those of a partner who is quicker to speak and louder than we are.

Those who speak quicker and louder do so to keep you silent.

Keeping their mouths open assures that yours stays shut.

Your voice needs to be heard.

Your voice will increase in volume once you allow it to be heard.

If you have been conditioned to be silent you must find the inner strength to overcome this conditioning. Practice daily stating your opinion. Offer your opinion up when you feel it is safe to do so.

Write daily in a diary writing about  how you feel re: issues that come up for you. Get used to looking to yourself for answers instead of believing that you can’t trust your decisions.

Slowly, as you begin to believe in your own value others around you will take notice.

Post a notice to yourself  where you will see it every day–I AM SMART STRONG & COURAGEOUS. I HAVE VALUE & I BELIEVE IN ME.  Incorporate this into your personhood.

If you are feeling threatened bullied defeated and are giving up your voice for the sake of another please resist the urge to continue on in this manner.

If you need help please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline:

1 800 799 SAFE (7233)

No Contact

Break the Silence

Wednesday, July 10th, 2013

No ContactDo you feel that you have been silenced? Do you want to break the silence?

When we let others drown out our voice we are silenced.

When we let others command our attention to the point where we are moved to silence, we lose our voice.

When we give up our voice because we are afraid or it’s not worth the energy it would take to stand up and be heard, we lose our voice.

We might quietly decide that our words have less value than those of a partner who is quicker to speak and louder than we are.

Those who speak quicker and louder do so to keep you silent.

Keeping their mouths open assures that yours stays shut.

Your voice needs to be heard.

Your voice will increase in volume once you allow it to be heard.

If you have been conditioned to be silent you must find the inner strength to overcome this conditioning. Practice daily stating your opinion. Offer your opinion up when you feel it is safe to do so.

Write daily in a diary writing about  how you feel re: issues that come up for you. Get used to looking to yourself for answers instead of believing that you can’t trust your decisions.

Slowly, as you begin to believe in your own value others around you will take notice.

Post a notice to yourself  where you will see it every day–I AM SMART STRONG & COURAGEOUS. I HAVE VALUE & I BELIEVE IN ME.  Incorporate this into your personhood. If it’s not safe to post this memorize and say to your self on a daily basis.

If you are feeling threatened bullied defeated and are giving up your voice for the sake of another please resist the urge to continue on in this manner.

For help please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

1.800. 799. SAFE (7233)

Missing Pieces

Friday, February 24th, 2012

You’ve met someone new and are excited about the possibilities. You’re ready to moved forward.

Not meaning to be a spoilsport–but how well do you know this new person?

Many times we can consciously avert heartache by having a good idea of what we’re getting into. Most potential dating partners are aware that first impressions are important. They should be aware that first, second, third, and fourth impressions are also.

Ask the questions you may be hesitant asking of any new person you consider becoming involved with. Prying about past relationships should be avoided but if you’re concerned about a certain behavior, why you haven’t met their friends, why they are not currently employed etc, ask the question. If you don’t ask yet not knowing weighs heavy on your mind, you are doing yourself a disservice.

If you don’t feel comfortable enough to ask a question, why? If you feel your question may be met with silence or that you won’t get a straight answer take heed.

Do you rationalize that because a potential dating partner is wealthy, has a good job, or is a Christian, you’re home free?

The amount of money shouldn’t be your primary reason for getting into a relationship. The occupation although a consideration shouldn’t be the primary focus. Don’t let religious affiliation totally color your opinion of the person . In terms of occupations among adults, the top four where you will find abusers are doctors, lawyers, law enforcement officers, and clergy-people all interested in power and control.

If there are missing pieces as you learn about a new person find out what they are. Get the answers to your questions sooner rather than later.

 

Lying

Sunday, October 9th, 2011

Lying is done with words and also with silence.      Adrienne Rich

Wednesday, August 31st, 2011

I have learned silence from the talkative, tolerance from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet strangely, I am grateful to these teachers.

Kahlil Gibran

How do You Know When it’s Time to Leave a Destructive Relationship?

Thursday, September 16th, 2010

Here you go:   http://bit.ly/8YQiTl

Reflecting in Conversations

Friday, April 16th, 2010

Take some time before you respond in conversation with others. A pause of silence is an opportunity to reflect.