Posts Tagged ‘shy’

Your Corner

Thursday, December 19th, 2013

You can’t stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.

A.A. Milne, Winnie the Pooh

No Contact

Be Your Own Best Friend

Wednesday, October 30th, 2013

It is not possible to be your own best friend when old beliefs about yourself–I’m old, too fat, too skinny, unlucky, too weak, cowardly, stupid etc keep entering your thoughts. These are old ideas you’ve allowed to hang around. The only way to get rid of this stuff is to condition your brain to latch onto the truth about who you really are.

The negative is only there because you don’t fight hard enough to keep it away.

There have been times when in a new situation–like with a group of people at a networking event, where I tell myself all sorts of things–you wore the wrong thing, why did you say that, or why didn’t you say something…I’ve beat myself up to the point where I can’t wait to get out of the place.

There is no place you can be where being your own best friend won’t work in your favor. If you are some place –like a work meeting, employee gathering, networking or some place else where you feel little sense of comfort, be okay with just being in the moment and soaking it all in. There is nothing you have to do as long as you are present. Take it all in, observe, smile and then when it’s over be proud that you kept your poise and made it through!

No Contact


Coming Out of a Mousehole

Monday, September 9th, 2013

No ContactThirteen years ago I came out of the mousehole I’d been living in. Back then I viewed being in my mouse- hole as safe and feared being away from its confines  for more than a short time. I put up a good front for my family and friends but that is really all it was.

I was skiddish and jumpy most of the time and questioned many of the decisions I made. I stayed in a destructive marriage because I was absolutely convinced I would not make it without that relationship. I believed what he told me to the point that I considered it not just his truth but the only truth. I really didn’t question his opinion of who I was and what would happen to me. It took a long time to turn a corner in my thinking but when I finally did I got a glimpse of the light outside that hole and liked it.

I found the outside world wasn’t as frightening as I’d conjured it up to be. The hole was safe in some ways but in other ways it was suffocating. Inside that hole I didn’t feel I had much value although it felt familiar. What led me to crawl out was the realization that the longer I stayed the harder it would be to ever leave. The false sense of safety inside that hole would keep me there permanently if I didn’t make a move. My children had the right to have a mother who was clear thinking and unafraid. They needed someone who they felt would have their backs instead of someone who shriveled into the background of their lives.

One day I left that mousehole for good. At first it felt abnormal like I was in someone else’s life but each day I gained momentum and was forced to make decisions–good and not so good ones. Over time I got more confident about figuring things out and learned that my instincts were right on–I just needed to trust them.

I also developed the ability to be strategic focused and purposeful  in order for life to flow well for me and my children. I became more visible to my sons, my parents, my friends and most of all to myself. As a mousehole person I’d shied away from visibility. After leaving I learned that I had to stand in the forefront of my own life–no one else could do that for me.

Looking back, I see that the mousehole served a purpose–for awhile. We all need a space–a place where we can go for refuge, to be still, quiet, alone, at peace and to rest. That is a given. What I needed to give up was a hole–one that I sunk down into because I was too afraid to get out. There is a difference–a big difference between a refuge and a hole and I’m glad I figured that out.


Sunday, December 5th, 2010

Scientists have found the gene for shyness.  They would have found it years ago, but it was hiding behind a couple of other genes.   Jonathan Katz