Posts Tagged ‘self’

Love & Devotion to Self

Saturday, April 14th, 2018

No ContactDevotion to self is pretty easy when things are going well. Being present with love & devotion to self when stressed is something entirely different.

In my line of work I spend most of my time being out in the customer’s home. For the most part I can tell myself I’m going to have a great day and keep that self talk going. I need to do this because sales is a tough job and can get discouraging because there are multiple challenges and rejection to face on a regular basis. I know that’s part of the job and I accept it.

However

There are times when no amount of self talk is going to save me. When I’m hungry and tired and in a customer’s home with another hour or so to go it can be hard to cope.

But the one thing that drives me nuts is when I can’t find a pen!!

I have lots of pens–but due to the hectic nature of the work, pens disappear. This is a problem when it comes to taking measurements and writing up invoices. A few weeks back I couldn’t find a pen so I ended up borrowing one from the customer wrote out the invoice and finished the consult.

As challenges go not having a pen is not a gigantic one yet it can be unnerving in a sales situation because having a pen is important. In the moment my head scolds me telling me how unprofessional it makes me look not to have a pen. On the other hand I tell myself it makes me look human so I step back, take a deep breath and give myself some grace.

So the point to this is:

I really concentrated on not beating myself up over not having a pen but instead with determination found an old zipper pouch and stashed quite a few pens in it. I also ended up getting a better bag–one with more storage compartments.

When things don’t go exactly like you would like them to but you’ve got your heart into what you do, know that it is enough. In fact, you’re likely doing an amazing job at what you do but fail to see how spectacular you really are.

The goal isn’t to be perfect but to be perfectly fine with yourself.

If we don’t challenge ourselves to love us by taking a stand for who we are and what we do in life–deep down we will know it.

Being devoted to self is the key to living life the way we are meant to live it in all aspects of life. Love who you are always. Think thoughts that allow positive forces to step into your consciousness. Really let the positive thoughts rule in your life. Kick the thoughts that don’t serve you to the curb and keep them there. One method I’ve found that works is picking up an imaginary shovel full of dirt and burying pesky negativity from the past. Once it’s buried it’s gone. If it comes back I get the shovel out again.

The biggest challenge we face is loving ourselves. We don’t have to do life perfectly we just need to live life and love ourselves unconditionally.

Purpose

Monday, January 1st, 2018

Living without purpose means living life without an anchor-without roots.

Our roots are planted from inside us and then branch out.

Being firmly rooted from the inside provides structure and awareness of self. Once we are firmly
rooted we will seek out others who are the same.

When we attempt to root our existence by attaching to another person for our security, solidness, and support before firmly attaching to self we become dependent on that other person for our survival.

We are responsible for us.

We develop our sense of self from within.

As children we depended on others for our survival.

As adults we are responsible for ourselves and our own survival.

Root your feet to the ground beneath you and establish your own root system.

You will know your purpose because you are solidly established from within.

Reprogram Self Talk

Saturday, September 23rd, 2017

It is very easy to allow yourself to believe that life will not get better and that you do not have what it takes to move forward successfully in relationships, career, or in any other way.

Being in destructive relationships includes the one you’re in with yourself. When you have been put down, badgered, belittled, ignored, or physically, emotionally, mentally, or sexually abused, it is easy to believe that you cannot do anything right or are not as good as others.

It is easy to think this way because at some point in your life or maybe throughout life you have listened to others who have told you that you are some how defective or are missing something and because of this will always fail.

If whatever you believe, whatever recording you play over and over in your mind is negative, that noise can be deafening.  Silence the noise by playing a new recording–one that is positive uplifting and accurate. Memorize this recording and play it loud. Write it out and stick it to a wall where you will see it every day.

Start playing the new recording today. Play it over and over until you believe it. When the old negative recording starts to creep back into your thoughts focus on drowning it out with the new vibrant positive one.

Instead of being your own worst enemy concentrate on being your best friend.

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Give Yourself Reprogramming

Thursday, May 25th, 2017

If you believe life will not get better and that you do not have what it takes to move forward successfully in relationships, career, or in any other way it’s time to give yourself a reprogramming.

Being in destructive relationships includes the one you’re in with yourself. When you have been put down, badgered, belittled, ignored, or physically, emotionally, mentally, or sexually abused, it is easy to believe that you cannot do anything right or are not as good as others.

It is easy to think this way because at some point in your life or maybe throughout life you have listened to others who have told you that you are some how defective or are missing something and because of this will always  fail.

If whatever you believe and/or whatever recording you play over and over in your head is negative that noise can be deafening.  Silence the noise by playing a new recording–one that is positive uplifting and accurate. Memorize this recording and play it loud. Write it out and stick it to a wall where you will see it every day. So for instance, if the recording you play is: I’m a loser and will never ever make it in life; change it to: I am smart and strong and I will have a great life!

Start playing the new recording today. Play it over and over until you believe it. When the old negative recording starts to creep back into your thoughts focus on drowning it out with the new vibrant positive one.

Instead of being your own worst enemy concentrate on being your best friend. Don’t let ghosts from the past and naysayers in the present have power over the way you view yourself!

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Know Where You Are Going

Wednesday, January 11th, 2017

You can’t know where you are going if you don’t know where you are.

I’m sure you’re saying….yeah, and tell me something I don’t know.

Seriously, people can be physically at a place in life and have no idea how or why they are there.

Sometimes we might feel that forces beyond our control place us in certain locations at certain times and to some extent that is true.

But to move forward we have to have an understanding of where we are in the present otherwise we will move forward impulsively instead of strategically.

Going on a whim and a prayer is risky.

Know where you want to go based on a plan.

It doesn’t matter what you’re doing now.

It doesn’t matter where you’ve been.

Your age doesn’t matter unless you are not well and/or have a disabling condition that forces you to look at your safety as it relates to your health.

Think through any major change you want to make because it will change your life and the results might not be what you thought they would be. If you plan ahead you will be better prepared.

Think about where you are now. Take inventory. Evaluate. Note the good and the bad and what you would like to see happen in your future.

There is no one who knows your circumstances as well as you do. Believe that and plan accordingly.

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Take Notice

Sunday, March 6th, 2016

You don’t need to react to every slight, insult, or wrongdoing done to you but you do need to take notice and trust your good judgement that you’ll know when it’s time to take action.

By noticing and acknowledging in your mind, you aren’t accepting but you are putting yourself on alert that the slight, insult, comment, or other wrong has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the person who made it.

People who get satisfaction out of slamming others have little to no regard for other people and even less regard for themselves.

Don’t let these types ruin your day. They’re not worth it.

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Self Soothing

Thursday, December 17th, 2015

I used to spend a lot of time crying over men. I didn’t know the first thing about self soothing. I cried when I thought I’d done or said the wrong thing. Or he said or did something I felt wounded by. Or the relationship hit a bump or more than a bump and had fallen into a deep dark hole and was over. With these relationship upsets I did the two things I knew how to do:  become anxious and cry.

I didn’t know how to calm my emotions without stirring them up into a frenzy first. I wasn’t aware that accepting my life even if it wasn’t what I wanted was healthier for me.

I have a vivid recollection of one of the last times I cried my head off over a man. Back in 2003 I sat in my car at a day park parking lot. The rain was pouring down on the car roof while I sat inside crying my eyes out. It was pathetic and deep down I knew it. I also knew that all the crying was hurting me far more than it was helping. The only benefit was that after crying in enough different relationship situations I usually felt exhausted enough to sleep but when I woke up I was right back to the misery.

I wasn’t a drinker, didn’t take drugs, gamble, or have any of the usual addictive behaviors but was addicted nonetheless. I was addicted to suffering over relationships. I got enough out of bawling my head off that on a very basic level it worked. I got to feel self pity and relief when I’d finally cried myself out.  Yet crying isn’t a problem solving tactic in adulthood and it’s certainly not self soothing. It’s a reflex for infants but when it comes to adult relationships it’s a strong indicator of love addiction.

As adults we’re suppose to know that just because we want something doesn’t mean we’re going to get it or that just because we feel we’re deserving of a certain way of life, we’re going to have it in the here and now.

So even though it’s natural to shed some tears after the loss of a relationship make a point of doing special things for yourself in those early weeks in order to avoid  sobbing uncontrollably and/or making yourself an emotional wreck.

Ways to Self Soothe

Listen to beautiful and soothing music.

Have a special treat or meal-something you absolutely love. Eat it slowly savoring each bite.

Find a comedy to watch–something without romance.

Drink a warm drink like herbal tea.

Take a walk in a pretty area or go to a museum. Buy a bouquet of flowers and put where you’ll see them.

Take a bubble bath.

Play with your dog or cat.

Put on a soft shirt or sink into a comfortable chair or bed.

Take a bubble bath.

Take in the smells around you–fry some bacon, bake bread, cookies, a cake. Smell coffee brewing. Light a scented candle.

Get a massage.

If you look at relationship loss or single status as being part of your current life circumstances and guard against projecting what you wished you had you’ll be more accepting of your life in the here and now.

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Positive Self Talk

Friday, September 12th, 2014

Being in destructive relationships includes the one you’re in with yourself. When you have been put down, badgered, belittled, ignored, or physically, emotionally, mentally, or sexually abused, it is easy to believe that you cannot do anything right or are not as good as others.

It is easy to think this way because at some point in your life or maybe throughout life you have listened to others who have told you that you are some how defective or are missing something and because of this will always  fail.

If whatever you believe, whatever recording you play over and over in your mind is negative, that noise can be deafening.  Silence the noise by playing a new recording–one that is positive uplifting and accurate. Memorize this recording and play it loud. Write it out and stick it to a wall where you will see it every day.

Start playing the new recording today. Play it over and over until you believe it. When the old negative recording starts to creep back into your thoughts focus on drowning it out with the new vibrant positive one.

Instead of being your own worst enemy concentrate on being your best friend.

No Contact

A Quick Take on Self Improvement

Friday, August 1st, 2014

I recently received a comment from a reader who was looking for information about how to improve her self–quickly.

I don’t know if it’s truly possible to quickly improve how you view yourself but I do believe it’s possible to begin the improvement immediately.

The way we view who we are largely depends on the way we think about ourselves. For example, if I want to be a great cook I can begin right away to affirm to myself and to the world that I’m a great cook. I can think it, I can write it down, and I can post little notes all over my house telling me what a great cook I am. I can also tell whoever will listen just how great I am in the kitchen and if I set my mind to it, I might start to believe it.

But most likely, the positive regards I have for my cooking won’t last if deep down, I don’t believe–truly believe I’m a great cook. I can say the words and write them down but my self- doubt will eventually override all my verbal and written messages if I don’t believe it.

So then what do I do if I want to be a great cook quickly? There’s really only one way. I’ve got to take action and lots of it. I need to study recipes and make dishes that look and taste delicious. I’ve also got to share the food I prepare with friends and family so that other people can judge for themselves how well I’m doing.

And little by little with each success and failure I get better and gain confidence in my ability to cook.

I won’t become great overnight but I will begin to believe in my ability to become great and when I combine that with action I’ve got an excellent chance of achieving my goal.

I believe it works the same with the way we view ourselves as people. If you want to feel better about yourself–treat yourself better.

Respect your mind, body, and spirit by taking more time to listen to your inner thinking. Don’t discount what you think just because it’s different than what someone else thinks.

If you have a goal, believe in your ability to achieve that goal not just in the beginning when you first make up your mind but also down the road when things get much harder. Get information, ask questions, step outside your comfort zone because when you do this you are taking action and moving toward your goal. And above everything else, make sure you have verbalized to yourself and written down exactly what your expectations are in terms of your change.

If you don’t know exactly what you want to change–you won’t.

So if you decide you want to be a better employee, a stronger parent, a more considerate spouse, a smarter decision maker–whatever the goal is own it by writing it down and verbalizing it.

And when you face obstacles don’t decide to throw in the towel because it becomes too hard. Face the obstacles because overcoming them puts you closer to reaching your goal.

So is it possible to improve yourself quickly?

Can you change yourself in seven days or less?

Not completely.

But you can absolutely decide to improve you right away.

And from the moment you decide to, you will change if you’re committed to making that change. Each day you will see yourself a little different and when you see yourself slip–you’ll catch yourself and remember your goal.

It won’t be painless but it will become more natural because each day you are making small adjustments that move you toward the person you want to be.

 

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On Being Liked & What Mom Thinks

Sunday, July 20th, 2014

If you are living your life like the rest of us you probably hope that most of the people you are close to in your life actually like you. Everyone else – you’re not too bothered by whether they like you or not.

The thing you may be more concerned about with casual acquaintances is their approval rating. How do you rank with them in terms of the decisions you make, the way you do your work, etc.

None of us may want to admit it; but walking around in daily life, we look for approval. Maybe not so much that we’ve got to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the things we do are acceptable but more that what we do is in line with what other people would do if they were in our shoes.

I was talking with my mom awhile back and she let me know that she thinks  my life is too fast paced and that I will wear myself out in no time at all.

I would like to say that what she had to say didn’t bother me but the reality is this is mom and what she says makes a difference to me.

So I told her that she’s right, my life is fast paced because I have  a new business (now with it two years–still new) and have to learn lots of new information and remember what I already know. She’s saying okay, I see, uh huh. But I know she still thinks I’m too busy.

I took note of what she said and will think about things I can do to give me more time to relax.

After all, this is mom talking. She may not like my chosen career (she says she wouldn’t work in sales on a bet) and she may not completely understand why I’m doing it but she respects that I made the decision to do it.

On wanting to be liked–I’d rather be liked than hated but when it gets right down to it, being liked by others is nice but I’d rather be liked by me and those close to me which Mom is among those at the top of that list.

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