Posts Tagged ‘scared’


Saturday, May 28th, 2016

Have you ever been nervous to the point where you make yourself sick when it comes to thinking about the impressions you make on others? Maybe panic sets in when it comes to impressing a new boss, co-worker, friend, or relationship partner?

It’s pretty normal to be nervous in new situations like the above but don’t let panic set in and attempt to make quick changes because you feel the real you is less than remarkable. Maintain balance in your relationships with others. If you hear that voice in the back of your mind telling you that you can’t, you won’t, you’re not good enough, don’t even try; steady yourself and hold your head up high. Replace those thoughts with–I can, I will, I am good enough, I have every right to…

The battle with the negative voice is ongoing. We have to work to silence it by not giving it power. When we give that voice power we not only lose out on opportunity and relationships, we jeopardize our health and well being.

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Caught Off Guard

Sunday, May 1st, 2016

Have you ever had someone you trusted catch you off guard with something they’ve said or done and your heart sinks? If so you’ve probably been caught by surprise and then fear. The surprise first and the fear second but it feels like it’s instantaneous. It’s a disturbing feeling, one that I never attached a name to until recently.

Joyful surprises are a good thing–we love them. Maybe your child picks you a bouquet of dandelions or a friend you haven’t heard from in a long time calls just to say hi. Maybe you get a compliment from a friend and it feels great. These are joyful moments.

Surprise and then fear may come in the form of an inappropriate remark directed at you from a relationship partner or a date shows up hours later than planned, shows up intoxicated, or not at all. Maybe a trusted friend says something untrue about you to others and you don’t understand why it was said and especially not by that particular person.

It could be anything and it may not even come from a person. Not too long ago I was surprised by my bedroom smoke alarm going off in the middle of the night not one night but two nights in a row. There was no fire but the first alarm triggered the rest of the alarms to go off throughout the house and I was definitely caught off guard. I felt the surprise and fear pretty much at the same time. After that second night I knew for sure it was time to change the batteries…

I’ve been told that once you acknowledge that surprise and fear can exist together, you’ll know what you’re dealing with the next time you get that sinking feeling.

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The Accommodater

Tuesday, December 8th, 2015

If you’re the accommodater you’re pretty well set on accommodating other people.

When you accommodate you stop being genuine.

If you worry about how another person feels as it relates to every little action you take you create an imbalance of power.

For example, another person may make a comment about what you’re doing or not doing as it relates to them….maybe they want you to stop whatever it is you’re doing and do what they want you to do.

If you are in the middle of an activity you don’t need to make excuses for doing what you’re doing and you don’t need to stop what you’re doing because another person implies that you should.

It is pretty darn liberating to say no.

Yes, is easy. Yes is always easy.

Yes is accommodating, it’s pleasing, it makes everything nice and neat and without conflict.

No is harder, always harder.

No goes against, is different from and is in total conflict with.

When you mean no, say no. If you say yes but you really mean no you’re lying to yourself and the other person.

You’re being genuine when you need to be; you’re honoring your individuality.

Just do it.

You’ll be glad you did.

Note: If you’re in a domestic violence situation please seek help.

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Grasping at Straws

Monday, October 12th, 2015

When grasping at straws you’ll just grab up any old straw in hopes that it will save you.

Be purposeful in your search for direction.

If you don’t do the work you won’t reap the benefits.

Making a sound decision usually doesn’t come when you’re desperate because at the point of desperation you won’t have enough information or resources to help you.

Select your straws carefully knowing at the end of the day that you did your best to move forward with steadfastness.

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Sitting Ducks

Monday, September 7th, 2015

If you’re a sitting duck you might know it

but you might not.

If you don’t know it hopefully someone else out

there is advocating for you or soon will be.

You’re vulnerable, out in the open, and fairly helpless

in your current position.

Sitting ducks need advocates.

Sitting ducks need to pay attention.

Lack of financial support, food, housing, and a support

network can make you a sitting duck.

Being in relationships with unavailable people can do

it to you also.

Please read:

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Tuesday, March 11th, 2014

Your emotions belong to you. Your happiness, depression, joy, sorrow, anger, and ease are all yours.—Unknown


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Do it Scared

Wednesday, December 18th, 2013

Recently my business coach sent his students this true story. I think it’s message is pretty powerful!

“Do It Scared!”

I once heard a true story of a woman who was trapped in a burning building on the 80th floor. She had an intensive fear of heights and also an intensive fear of closed in spaces so when the fire alarm went off she absolutely refused to follow her colleagues into the stairwell to evacuate to safety.

She could not handle the thought of going down the stairs being able to look down in the middle all the way to the bottom. And the thought of being trapped inside the enclosed stairwell was just too much to endure and so instead she made a conscious choice to hide under her desk and wait to die.

Until some firemen made it up to her floor and were doing a sweep of the building when they found her in time to where they could still get her out. They told her she would have to take the stairs or she would surely burn alive in the flames. And yet she still wanted to choose death over facing her fear!

Finally a fireman grabbed her and picked her up and started dragging her towards the stairs. She wouldn’t stop kicking and screaming “I’m scared! I don’t want to because I’m scared!” And he couldn’t get her to go anywhere until he said these magical words to her “That’s ok, do it scared.

“Do it scared. Do it scared. It’s ok to be scared just do it scared.” He kept saying it into her ear as he rushed her all the way down 80 flights of stairs. “Do it scared. It’s ok to be scared just do it scared.”

Reportedly as the woman and the firefighter finally burst out the bottom doors just seconds before the building became an engulfed inferno she said the bright light of outside was also the exact moment of an epiphany for her life. She could hear the firefighter’s voice in her ear, “Do it scared. Do it scared. No problem, just do it scared.” The phrase saved her life physically but it also transformed her life emotionally. The catch phrase became her life mantra and she went on to live a completely different life after that.

Don’t you have times like that in your life? Where you know what the obvious move to make is but somehow you find this evil force holding you back because of a violently detailed fear? Don’t you sometimes have people trying to drag you down the path that will save your life? Isn’t it sometimes obvious that you have to take the stairs, yet the fear grips you and causes you to choose convenience and safety over life?

Do it scared. It’s fine to be scared – do it scared. It’s fine to be unsure – do it unsure. It’s fine to be uncomfortable – do it uncomfortable. Just do it scared. That is the attitude of the most disciplined and successful people on the planet. They just do it scared, if they have to. But they do it anyways.

Do it scared.

You are going to develop the habit of acting in the face of fear. You are going to create movement and momentum. You are going to get closer to your fear so that you can understand it and overcome it. You will act and you will have life!






Following My Dream Part Two

Tuesday, November 19th, 2013

Note: Today is the second of a three part post written by Shannon, a life long friend of mine. Her story is one I thought you would want to read about and be inspired by.

We all have dreams and want to follow those dreams wherever they take us but making changes in our lives can be tough especially when getting through daily life can often be a big challenge. I asked Shannon to share her story  so in this three part blog post Shannon talks about her dream and how she went about achieving it.

Following My Dream Part Two

By Shannon H.

When God Closes the Door He Opens a Window

Although I loved my job I could feel that something was changing and not for the better. I felt as though I was being eased out but did not know why.  I started to work harder and harder but the feeling did not ease. Finally after a year of this I was told during my job review that I was not professional enough and that she (my boss) felt I did not really want to be there. This–after starting several new projects, joining a committee and completing a long-term project. What???? After 12 years all of a sudden I was not professional enough? My boss was unable to cite anything that I had done that was unprofessional. It was just a feeling she said she had. I know now that there was office politics involved. I was devastated. It was the worst summer of my life as I tried everything I could think of to hang on to this job that I had loved but knew in my heart I needed to develop a plan “B”. One day during this time I was coming out of a bookstore when a book caught my eye. It was on the miracles of middle age and was on sale for only $3.00. I knew it was a sign and I grabbed it and read it in one night. It spoke to me in a big way. While reading it I remembered that it was possible to get certified to teach English overseas and that there was a program in my hometown.  Wow there was an idea; I could get paid to live overseas.


The next day I went to the language school and enrolled in the TEFL program they had. I arranged to divide the courses in to three terms allowing me to attend in the mornings before work. I would have my certificate in 8 months and would then quit my job. I didn’t tell anyone about my plan as I was still trying to hang on to my job. However it was not to be. Half way into the language program I tried to request medical leave due to stress from the past few months. I had the accumulated time to do it but was let go immediately and told not to come back into the office.


I was devastated but one of my favorite sayings has always been when God closes the door he opens a window. And I truly believe that! I still felt crushed but continued forward and received my certificate for teaching English. The school directly hired me as they also had an English Language Institute. By this point I felt that I had been pushed into a river and had the choice of trying to swim against the current or go with the flow no matter how scared I was. And believe me, I was scared!  But God had made sure that the only direction I could go was forward by ending my job.


I continued to swim with the flow even when immersed in self-doubt. This was a total change of profession for me. What would I do with my house? Where would I get a job having no experience? I knew that the job for me at the institute was only another steppingstone. It did not give me enough teaching hours or pay.

Next Post:  How I Ended Up Living in Saudi Arabia

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Following My Dream

Monday, November 18th, 2013

Note: Today is the first of a three part post written by Shannon, a life long friend of mine. Her story is one I thought you would want to read about and be inspired by.

We all have dreams and want to follow those dreams wherever they take us but making changes in our lives can be tough especially when getting through daily life can often be a big challenge. In this three part blog post Shannon talks about her dream and how she went about achieving it.

Following My Dream


Shannon H.

I have always struggled with the two sides of my personality, the down to earth sensible side and the dreamer and adventurous side. The practical side usually won out with only those who knew me really well being aware of my other side.  But I have always been a dreamer.

 From the time I was a little girl I dreamed of traveling and exploring other cultures. I even had international paper dolls. They were my favorite. However, college graduation was followed by marriage, graduate school and three children (Also dreams of mine) and so I put traveling overseas on the back burner.

 Fast-forward 20 years. I had the good fortune to go to Paris with my mother to present, with her, at a conference. This experience rekindled my desire to travel.

 I began small by taking short trips by myself around the US. Gradually the trips became longer and further away. At first I was not confident in my ability to deal with all that comes with traveling and I was not sure if I could learn to have fun by myself. Eventually, I learned that there were nice people everywhere and that I could indeed enjoy my trips and handle them on my own.

I was one of those kids who loved National Geographic, especially the ones that featured Africa. In 2004 I was able to realize this dream when I went to Mali for 3 ½ weeks to visit my daughter who was in the Peace Corps. I remember when I landed just saying over and over again “I am in AFRICA, I am in AFRICA”. It was unreal! The first morning my daughter and I had breakfast at the rooftop buffet and I could see the whole city and again I just couldn’t believe that this dream had come true.

But it was more than just wanting to visit different places. I loved learning about other cultures and my dream moved from traveling to living abroad. I had no idea how in the world I would be able to do that. I had a job that I loved but really no money to speak of. How would I live?  Maybe I would wait until retirement age. I could probably live off of social security in other countries especially Africa.

I have always believed that if there is a will there is a way, even if I could not see it at the time. My past had shown me that when the time was right and with planning, things would fall into place. And so I continued to dream….

Next Post…When God Closes the Door He Opens a Window

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Break the Silence

Wednesday, July 10th, 2013

No ContactDo you feel that you have been silenced? Do you want to break the silence?

When we let others drown out our voice we are silenced.

When we let others command our attention to the point where we are moved to silence, we lose our voice.

When we give up our voice because we are afraid or it’s not worth the energy it would take to stand up and be heard, we lose our voice.

We might quietly decide that our words have less value than those of a partner who is quicker to speak and louder than we are.

Those who speak quicker and louder do so to keep you silent.

Keeping their mouths open assures that yours stays shut.

Your voice needs to be heard.

Your voice will increase in volume once you allow it to be heard.

If you have been conditioned to be silent you must find the inner strength to overcome this conditioning. Practice daily stating your opinion. Offer your opinion up when you feel it is safe to do so.

Write daily in a diary writing about  how you feel re: issues that come up for you. Get used to looking to yourself for answers instead of believing that you can’t trust your decisions.

Slowly, as you begin to believe in your own value others around you will take notice.

Post a notice to yourself  where you will see it every day–I AM SMART STRONG & COURAGEOUS. I HAVE VALUE & I BELIEVE IN ME.  Incorporate this into your personhood. If it’s not safe to post this memorize and say to your self on a daily basis.

If you are feeling threatened bullied defeated and are giving up your voice for the sake of another please resist the urge to continue on in this manner.

For help please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

1.800. 799. SAFE (7233)