Posts Tagged ‘resources’

Grasping at Straws

Monday, October 12th, 2015

When grasping at straws you’ll just grab up any old straw in hopes that it will save you.

Be purposeful in your search for direction.

If you don’t do the work you won’t reap the benefits.

Making a sound decision usually doesn’t come when you’re desperate because at the point of desperation you won’t have enough information or resources to help you.

Select your straws carefully knowing at the end of the day that you did your best to move forward with steadfastness.

No Contact


Resources for Survivors

Monday, January 21st, 2013

Abuse Survivors

Author: Dr Jeanne King PhD

Domestic Violence Help – The 5 Essential Resources for Domestic Abuse Survivors

Domestic violence help comes in all shapes and sizes. There is 
the crisis hot line to get you where you need to go ASAP. Then, 
there are the community domestic abuse support groups that
 assure you that “you are not alone.”

Your domestic violence shelter will give you all the resources 
for your immediate transition from the danger you live to safe 
housing. They may even have a domestic abuse legal advocate that 
will help you with your legal matters.

But what about your psychological care, who will tend to that?
 You can find a counselor or therapist with clinical background 
in domestic violence. Sometimes you may scratch your head 
wondering if you know more about domestic abuse than the 
therapist. Other times, you can hit the jackpot and find the
 professional health care provider that helps you usher yourself 
out of the darkness into the light.

Do you know the help you will want to secure in your quest to 
end domestic abuse? Do you know where you will find each piece
of the puzzle as you transition from being in an abusive
 relationship to reclaiming yourself and your life?

Far too often domestic violence survivors don’t really know what
 they need or where to find it when they need it most. The more 
homework you do up front, the better off you will be in the long run.

The following is intended to help you inventory your needs and
 prioritize your securing help in meeting these needs.

  1. Create an alliance with your local public abuse services for 
all immediate needs and steps to protect yourself from imminent
  2. Familiarize yourself with your residential options before you 
jump out of the “nest.”
  3. Compile your personal documents and get your finances in 
order as best as can be done, even though you may not be
 accustomed to finance management.
  4. Secure information and resources to help you obtain any
 protective orders you believe necessary to minimize conflict and 
danger by your abusive partner, especially upon and after your 
  5. Engage a healthcare provider that is knowledgeable about the
 psychological, social and legal aspects of domestic abuse to 
help your navigate from the chaos to closure.

As in any journey, once you get your ducks in a row and line up 
your resources and soldiers, you will move from point A to point
 B more successfully. Your planning is key to your designing your 
exit and the outcome of your departure.

About the author:

For more information and help in your planning, see domestic
violence resources. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people
 recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse at home and in

Copyright 2009

Leaving a Bad Relationship

Thursday, October 11th, 2012

Nearly eight years ago I walked away from a bad relationship. I had been warming up to the idea of leaving for about a year. I kept thinking of reasons to stay. I’d see a ray of hope and latch on clinging to it for days until the ray dimmed and the down cycle began again. I waited through each bad cycle hoping again for another glimmer to emerge. These cycles were my lot inside this particular relationship and it took me a long time to realize that all my hoping was doing nothing more than keeping me stuck. I had to get through enough of the up and down cycles until I “got it.” Eventually I understood that the relationship was nothing more than a series of very short good cycles and much longer bad ones.

It’s hard to give up hope when you care for someone. It is painful to face the reality of what is clearly a losing proposition. We all need hope in our lives; it keeps us going and encourages us to move forward yet we’ve all got to face that staying in a bad relationship is a waste of precious time. The relationship I had was never going to bring me anything different than what I’d already experienced–why in the world would I want that?

I knew it would be better for me to stop the cycles cut my losses and walk away. Yet what prevented me from leaving was my dread of facing the end. I didn’t look forward to the misery I was sure would follow; I didn’t want to experience the emptiness I was certain would be mine to come. Looking back, it’s like I stepped on a bee got stung wished later I’d been wearing shoes but continued to walk around barefoot.

So even though my immediate thought was to keep things status quo in order to avoid pain I knew that long term suffering would have been the outcome of staying.

With the breakup came wisdom, courage, and hope. This hope wasn’t misplaced; it was hard-won. I learned that any relationship is not better than no relationship. I also learned that healthy relationships require paying attention in all aspects of life. It’s not hard to make good relationship choices but it does take knowing what you will and won’t accept and sticking with it.

Each Day

Friday, April 9th, 2010

Finish each day and be done with it.  You have done what you could.  Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense.    Ralph Waldo Emerson

Our Thoughts

Thursday, March 25th, 2010

Our thoughts are powerful tools.  Luckily, many times we can use them to our great advantage. —Unknown

Your Own Thinking

Wednesday, March 24th, 2010

The act of recognizing your own thinking is like waking up and seeing what’s going on in your own head. —unknown

Positive Steps to Stop Anxiety

Sunday, February 28th, 2010

Anxiety not only upsets our lives it can keep us from maintaining healthy relationships. Please read on for some tips on keeping anxiety at bay.

Think Positive to Stop Anxiety

There are many methods on how to stop anxiety. Some of them are

useful for some people and others may have a difficult time

utilizing them. For the most part, stopping anxiety is really a

state of mind, since it is our thoughts that push us over the

edge in the first place, and not the particular event itself

that is happening. So the obvious first step is to get control

over negative thoughts. Negative thoughts are often the root

cause of anxiety in our lives. It is basically worrying about

past or future events. If you stay in the present, there is not

much to worry about. (more…)

The Secret to Successful Relationships

Wednesday, December 9th, 2009

Have you ever been in a conversation where it was obvious the

other person couldn’t wait for you to finish talking in order to

say something? We all have I’m sure, and it’s not a great


You see, relationships are like lengthy conversations. There is

a back-and-forth quality that needs to be there. If you focus

only on what’s in it for you rather than what you can

contribute, it’ll fall flat or end uncomfortably.

For any relationship to flourish and for personal growth to

occur for both parties, you need to put some effort into

understanding and meeting the other person’s wants and needs.

Often we hear what’s said, but we make sense of it from our own

subjective reality. For example, the phrase, “I’ll call you

soon,” may mean tomorrow for one person, but could mean sometime

in the next month for another. People interpret their

experiences differently and draw radically different conclusions

from the same set of circumstances. It’s for this reason that

misunderstandings and communication failures often spell doom

for developing relationships and resentments for established


Real success in life comes from the ability to understand

differing perceptions and from understanding and accepting that

others perceive the world differently than you do. It’s

important to learn how to decipher the other person’s code and

respond in kind.

First you need to be aware that not all people use the same

code. Then, you have to be interested in learning what the other

person’s code is. And finally, you’ll want to practice using

good communications skills – attentive listening, asking

questions and checking for clarification.


Think about the last time you got into a disagreement with

someone important to you. Did you feel heard? Were they (or

maybe you) busy trying to make a point, or were they actively

trying to listen to what you were saying?

Next time you catch yourself butting heads with someone, stop

trying to make your case. Make a point of pulling back and

actually hearing the other person’s point of view. Ask questions

to help you get clear, stay engaged and then take your turn to

share your point of view.

Stretching your understanding of different points of view is key

to improving communication, limiting conflict with others, and

building strong relationships. Limiting conflict with others

will give you more time for constructive interaction, enjoyable

relationships, and will decrease the stress in you life.

About the author:

Gary Jordan, Ph.D., has over 27 years of experience in clinical

psychology, behavioral assessment, individual development, and

coaching. He earned his doctorate in Clinical Psychology from

the California School of Professional Psychology – Berkeley.

He’s the co-founder of Vega Behavioral Consulting, Ltd., a

consulting firm that specializes in helping people discover

their true skills and talents.