Posts Tagged ‘questions’

Strong Arming by Silencing You

Sunday, November 5th, 2017

No ContactIf you are in a relationship with a partner who practices strong arming you are familiar with words that block you from speaking your truth. Having a conversation that confronts or questions is usually met with blocks such as:

We’re not going to talk about this.


I’ve told you I don’t want to talk about this.


Don’t talk to me about this.


If you continue to talk about this or if you don’t stop talking about this–there’s the door.

etc. etc.

You may think you are obligated to keep silent.

You might decide that having your truth heard is not worth the fallout and choose to keep your thoughts to yourself.

However, by silencing your truth you squelch who you are as a human being.

You miss out on being who you are meant to be.

No one has the right to take YOU out of the picture.

No one has the right to tell you what you can and can’t talk about.

No one has the right to tell you that what you have to say means nothing and is better left unsaid.

But every time you allow another person to silence your words you are allowing another person to take away your freedom to be you.

Strong arming is a tactic used by abusers and is used to gain and retain power.

You don’t have to live life being strong armed.

The only person stopping you from breaking the pattern is YOU.

You only have one life. Make it your own.

As always if you are in a situation in which you are not safe seek help.

1-800-799-7233 Domestic Abuse Hotline

Rolling Around With Bad People

Sunday, September 3rd, 2017

No ContactWhen you choose to become involved with any new person it’s always your decision to do so.

When you roll around with a person who at first presented as a good person then you discover is really a bad person and yet you continue to stay with this person in hopes they will get better, be nicer, and not hurt you, it is always your decision to do so.

And after you’ve had enough go arounds with this person which could be months years or decades and you decide to leave this person it is again your decision to do so.

Then when this person comes to you begging for forgiveness promising they will change their ways and behave better, be kinder, straighten up their act, stop lying, cheating, and doing other bad things it is your decision to start rolling around with them again or stay away from them for good.

It is not about them.

It is not about anything that they do, say, act upon, manipulate, cause harm to, or destroy.

It is only ever about you and at the beginning, the very beginning, listen to what they say about who they are because they will tell you exactly who they are if you really listen and ask the hard questions.

It is about you listening to your inner voice, the one deep inside you telling you in the very beginning that something is off.

It is about you not second guessing your inner being who knows and loves you and wants only the very best for you. When you second guess you it’s because you let your ego take over and the ego is not the part of you that has the deep sense of who you are.

It must become automatic to listen to your inner being and follow it, learn from it, love it, believe in it and more than anything…trust it because it is on your side. Any new person you meet doesn’t know you and has no history with you. The only way you will get to know any new person is to spend time with them, engage in conversation with them, and ask them the hard questions that you may be hesitate asking but that your gut tells you to ask. They may tell you it’s none of your business or that they don’t want to answer and that is absolutely fine. They don’t have to and you don’t need to spend time with them. No one else on this earth has to answer a single question that you ask but you must ask anyway.

Men especially have a tendency to say that they are not too revealing about who they are and may even tell you that you are pushy.

Be kind to you and others will start showing up in your life who will do the same.

A Crystal Ball

Tuesday, February 2nd, 2016

On the one hand we want to know everything. A crystal ball would be nice–then everything would be crystal clear. But if we knew exactly what we need to know where would living come into play? Living=challenge=trust=achievement=more questions. The only way answers make sense is by living with the questions for awhile– some times a long while.


No Contact

Nothing Doing

Monday, August 3rd, 2015

If you’re overwhelmed bewildered or too tired to do one more thing it may be time to do nothing.

Doing nothing is often the best course of action to take when you’re unsure about doing anything else.

When there is no clear plan of action, inaction may be the wisest alternative.

When other people are involved in the situation you’re struggling with it becomes even harder to know what action to take. The issue also becomes more sensitive when others are involved.

If you decide that doing anything is better than doing nothing you’ve got to feel that the action you take is reasonable.


No Contact



100% Responsible

Wednesday, January 8th, 2014

Knowing that you’re 100% responsible for your life forces you to pay closer attention to the actions you take and closer attention to your thoughts in a given situation. Are you going to make your decisions with a little or a lot of thought? If little thought goes into your decisions it shouldn’t be surprising if the outcome is less than what you’d hoped for. If you pour a lot of thought into your decisions and the outcome is still not what you’d hoped it would be maybe you spent too much time weighing the opinions of others and less about following your gut.

No Contact

Asking the Right Questions

Monday, August 20th, 2012

Years ago I started a new business venture and in those early days there were questions I needed to ask but didn’t know enough to even know what questions I should’ve been asking.

I was in learning mode and in that mode information was coming at me left and right. The challenge was to survive the attack, regroup, and ultimately digest enough to understand some of it.

When starting a new business, job, relationship, or pretty much anything new there is always a learning curve. Early on we retain bits and pieces of what we need to know but don’t fully grasp the big picture. We want to feel like we can step into any situation, make a quick assessment and then “just know” exactly how to react or respond.

It would be nice if life worked like that but it doesn’t. We can’t just know what to do. It takes exposure practice and time in order to meet with enough experiences within the new situation to understand what is needed. The primary means to get the information we need is to ask questions, lots of them.

By asking questions, getting answers, and asking more questions we eventually get to a point where we can fill in the blanks as they come up. Details  begin to surface and those details often lead us to the RIGHT questions.

If you’re standing at the edge of a cliff and your friend tells you to jump you’re not going to do so unless you’re certain you’ll survive.

Real life situations are usually not black and white but rather shades of gray. The questions we don’t ask can cost us; the questions we do ask can save us.

If you don’t understand everything you need to know in a new situation maintain a steady demeanor. Ask questions even those you might think are ridiculous or not worth asking–those are the very questions you should ask.

No matter where you are or what you’re dealing with in your life right now I’d be willing to bet you’ve got questions–questions that are lingering right beneath the surface–you may not even be aware a question exists but it’s there.

Don’t keep questions to yourself. If in the instant you think of a question pertaining to a particular situation but can’t ask it in the moment write it down. Add to a list of questions as they come to mind.

If you’re in a new work situation and you don’t feel comfortable asking a question of an immediate supervisor ask a lead worker, assistant, or knowledgeable co-worker. If you don’t think the questions you have are leading to the right information just keep asking. Those early questions will lead to others as you gain more knowledge.

If in a new relationship and things don’t add up or something is bothering you but you can’t put your finger on it ask questions. As you get to know the person better and feel more comfortable with asking questions those questions will lead to others that give you more clarity. Aim for easy conversation in your question asking, not interrogation. If you’re not comfortable enough to ask questions decide if the relationship is the best one for you.



Asking Questions Saves Time & Frustation

Monday, June 18th, 2012

Asking questions gives you an advantage over those who don’t ask. You get information you need when you need it. Sometimes people don’t ask questions because they believe it’s rude to ask. Check out the following:

Ask a Lawyer

Friday, February 17th, 2012

Seek Answers

Monday, October 18th, 2010

Seek answers to what you don’t understand. Don’t dismiss your questions; ask them.  You can’t move forward until you get information that can help you make great decisions.    Penny Haider