Posts Tagged ‘question’

Trust Yourself First

Sunday, July 9th, 2017

Trust yourself first.

This is often a big struggle if you have been harshly criticized throughout life for decisions you have made. It is definitely best to trust yourself even when you have had it ingrained to doubt yourself. Establishing trust in self takes courage and compassion so cut yourself some slack in your thinking about the decisions you make. Just writing this post has brought to light how much I struggle with this. I find that trusting me is a lot like using my body’s core when exercising. I have to think about it every single time because engaging those muscles doesn’t come naturally.

Engaging trust in self is similar. We’ve got to think about the decisions we’re making and trust that we know what we’re doing.

Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship including the one you have with yourself. When you trust yourself it increases your confidence making it easier to make decisions and reduce your stress.

There are times especially after making a mistake or after someone criticizes you when it can feel like you can’t trust yourself to make any decision because you fear making the wrong one again. Yet the more decisions you make the more confidence you’ll have.

Here are some tips I found to help.

Be Yourself

If you fear what others think about you or that they will judge your decisions negatively you might think you should act like a different person. Other people will often sense this and some will take advantage of you if they can tell you don’t have a strong sense of self. Stick with you–you’re all you’ve got.

Set Attainable Goals

Goals are good. If however the goals are set too high we likely can’t reach them and give up early on. Small goals that inch us toward our main goal will keep us on a more realistic pace.

Be Kind to You

We know how to be kind to others but loving ourselves unconditionally is easier said than done. Keep a close eye on your inner voice. Does it tell you off regularly or is it kind? When you can love yourself unconditionally you can trust yourself unconditionally. Let your inner voice know you won’t do everything perfectly and that’s okay.

Spend Time with Yourself

If you distract yourself with busyness all day you will miss the opportunity to get to know yourself better. It doesn’t take much time to stop take some deep breaths and stay in the moment.

Believe in Yourself

Believe wholeheartedly in yourself even if there are days when it feels like you’re faking the belief.

 

 

No Contact

Nice

Monday, December 12th, 2016

From an early age we’re taught to be nice and play nice. Some of us learn this lesson very well. In fact, we tend to overlook poor behavior and/or physical/emotional abuse because we don’t believe we have the right to question things that are said or done.

There is a time for being nice and playing nice and yes, absolutely, we generally want to treat others with dignity and respect. But sometimes playing nice hurts and deeply affects not only us but our children and others we are close to. When we buy stock in the words and actions of a partner out of fear, intimidation, to have a roof over our head, or to keep our children clothed and fed we rob ourselves and families of dignity and hope for the present and the future.

Are you ever nice in order to keep people in your life?
Do you sometimes look the other way when you see an action or hear words that are not right or are cause for alarm?
Do you pretend that things are okay and go along with the status quo rather than take actions that may be uncomfortable but in the long run could help you?

I spent much of my life living in the too nice mode. I feared leaving or losing a partner because life without a partner was uncertain.The uncertainty of the future often kept me in the turmoil of the present. That present included people who behaved poorly and often mistreated me and my family. They were angry and frustrated and took their feelings out on others simply because they could get away with it.

Partners who hold you captive with words and actions hope you will continue to forgive them. They say sweet words when they believe you might leave. They might buy you nice things to distract and convince you it will never happen again.

But it usually does happen again in one way or another. You question whether what was done was really abuse. Maybe you’re just overreacting and things  aren’t that bad. Sometimes that is the case but pay attention to your gut; it knows.

Most of the time people who create havoc and craziness in relationships are damaged people who damage other people. They likely seek people they believe will lift their boundaries or discard them altogether.

When you live with the anything goes mentality you might question things that are said or done but usually go with the flow rather than disrupt it because you want to avoid confrontation. (more…)

Don’t Let Digs Get You Down

Tuesday, May 27th, 2014

If someone throws a dig at you face the remark squarely.

If someone throws a dig your way, ask the questions you need to ask.

You will lose sleep, get depressed, get down on yourself if you don’t get to the bottom of whatever it is that was said.

The worst question is the one not asked.

Relationships are ruined by things that are left unsaid and in particular, the unasked questions.

If you don’t get an answer press to get one.

If it’s not safe to press, question why you are still around.

No Contact

If it’s not safe to press you are likely not where you need to be.

 

Ask a Lawyer

Friday, February 17th, 2012

http://bit.ly/yDBKQ3

Looking for Answers?

Wednesday, February 2nd, 2011

We learn more by looking for the answer to a question and not finding it than we do from learning the answer itself.     Lloyd Alexander