Posts Tagged ‘out’

Locked Up or Locked Out?

Sunday, February 26th, 2017

No Contact Warning, if you are offended by talk of breastfeeding you may want to move past the first few paragraphs.

Have you ever been locked up or locked out?

The other day I had a window treatment consultation with a customer who is a lactation consultant and it got it me to thinking of the experience I’d had with my last son who nursed for an extended period of time.
For the most part it was a great breastfeeding experience but there was a point when I got a breast infection which was a truly painful experience.

There was not much I could do to relieve the pain–my son’s nursing provided some relief but it wasn’t enough and I was miserable. I felt locked up. I didn’t have the right key to break the stronghold the infection had on me and the only way to get long lasting relief was to take an antibiotic. Once I got on the medication I found relief and ceased the locked up feeling I’d had.

Being locked up in the case of a breast infection is painful but there are other ways we get locked up or locked out, for instance:

Have you ever had a case of the nerves to the point where your words are locked up? I mean you may get some croaking verbalization to come out but it is truly difficult and silence is a better alternative. I had this happen once in an interview situation and no amount of water or deep breathing brought relief. I somehow croaked my way through but it was rough….

Have you ever been locked out of your car house or apartment? Locked out of your place of business or unable to open a combination lock?

Last week I couldn’t get my garage door to open. I entered the code, no luck, nothing. The back gate lock wouldn’t budge due to very cold conditions and swelling of the wood. I couldn’t get the front door to open because the deadbolt has a mind of it’s own and at that particular time no amount of leaning in or pulling out to get it to open would work.

Then out of the blue, the garage door opened on it’s own–must have been a radio frequency issue–but I was finally able to get inside.

Being closed out is tough and when it happens it affects us mightily. We can be locked out of jobs, promotions, all sorts of opportunities because there is something we need and don’t have or some intangible that we are missing. In the case of an entry to a house, vehicle, gate, etc we can get the right key or code and then relief is ours.

In the case of a job, promotion, or desired opportunity, being locked out could last awhile.

If it’s possible to get what we need like a license, certification, award, etc. we know what we need to do.

But it may be that this one thing we need to unlock our locked out conditions may not come to us.

Alexander Graham Bell said it best:

“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one that has opened for us.”

Feeling locked up whether it be breastfeeding, your words, incarceration, or another way, relief comes through a process–whatever that may be…

If you are locked out, move forward, find a way to appreciate the door standing in front of you that is open.

If you feel like your ship is sinking…

Sunday, January 10th, 2016

If you feel like your ship is sinking,
it might be a good time to throw out the No Contact
stuff that’s been weighting it down. Let
go of the people who bring you down, and
surround yourself with those who bring
out the best in you. Unknown


Sunday, March 15th, 2015

If you find  yourself stretched in so many different directions that  complete overwhelm sets in one of two things can happen…

You stretch to the point where you snap

or you decide to lighten the load your carrying.

Step back.

Walk away.

Whatever you’re doing will get done.

Maybe not perfectly or as expediently as you would like

but done it will get and in better mental shape  you will be.


No Contact



Don’t Let Digs Get You Down

Tuesday, May 27th, 2014

If someone throws a dig at you face the remark squarely.

If someone throws a dig your way, ask the questions you need to ask.

You will lose sleep, get depressed, get down on yourself if you don’t get to the bottom of whatever it is that was said.

The worst question is the one not asked.

Relationships are ruined by things that are left unsaid and in particular, the unasked questions.

If you don’t get an answer press to get one.

If it’s not safe to press, question why you are still around.

No Contact

If it’s not safe to press you are likely not where you need to be.


Coming Out of a Mousehole

Monday, September 9th, 2013

No ContactThirteen years ago I came out of the mousehole I’d been living in. Back then I viewed being in my mouse- hole as safe and feared being away from its confines  for more than a short time. I put up a good front for my family and friends but that is really all it was.

I was skiddish and jumpy most of the time and questioned many of the decisions I made. I stayed in a destructive marriage because I was absolutely convinced I would not make it without that relationship. I believed what he told me to the point that I considered it not just his truth but the only truth. I really didn’t question his opinion of who I was and what would happen to me. It took a long time to turn a corner in my thinking but when I finally did I got a glimpse of the light outside that hole and liked it.

I found the outside world wasn’t as frightening as I’d conjured it up to be. The hole was safe in some ways but in other ways it was suffocating. Inside that hole I didn’t feel I had much value although it felt familiar. What led me to crawl out was the realization that the longer I stayed the harder it would be to ever leave. The false sense of safety inside that hole would keep me there permanently if I didn’t make a move. My children had the right to have a mother who was clear thinking and unafraid. They needed someone who they felt would have their backs instead of someone who shriveled into the background of their lives.

One day I left that mousehole for good. At first it felt abnormal like I was in someone else’s life but each day I gained momentum and was forced to make decisions–good and not so good ones. Over time I got more confident about figuring things out and learned that my instincts were right on–I just needed to trust them.

I also developed the ability to be strategic focused and purposeful  in order for life to flow well for me and my children. I became more visible to my sons, my parents, my friends and most of all to myself. As a mousehole person I’d shied away from visibility. After leaving I learned that I had to stand in the forefront of my own life–no one else could do that for me.

Looking back, I see that the mousehole served a purpose–for awhile. We all need a space–a place where we can go for refuge, to be still, quiet, alone, at peace and to rest. That is a given. What I needed to give up was a hole–one that I sunk down into because I was too afraid to get out. There is a difference–a big difference between a refuge and a hole and I’m glad I figured that out.