Posts Tagged ‘losing self’

Don’t Beg for Love!

Wednesday, September 1st, 2010

I ran across this excellent post and strongly recommend it if you or someone you know is in the habit of begging for love.

Losing Yourself in a Relationship

Wednesday, October 14th, 2009

Has there been a time when you became so enamored with a new dating partner that your own life started to lose significance?

We should feel good inside a relationship; it enhances an already full life. If we’re in a relationship where the other person takes top billing and prefers we take part in what they like and forget what we like, our life starts to lose relevance. Before we know it we start to slip away. It’s like we slowly become a shadow of our former self and need to be in the presence of this other person in order to feel alive. It can take a long time to snap out of the trance we’re in.

After my divorce I became involved in a relationship where I did feel lost. I hadn’t spent enough time being a single before I started dating so it was not a stretch for me to become involved in a relationship with a larger than life personality type. I let go of my own self-discovery and instead focused all my energy on this new person his interests, his wants, his needs. The result was that I lost ground figuring out who I was and taking care of my own needs. I found myself in a familiar place where I allowed someone else to orchestrate my life. It was a role I was used to but not the right place for me to be. His hobbies and interests definitely seemed more exciting than mine. His views and opinions seemed to make more sense than mine. Over time I convinced myself that I needed to lean on him in order to live my life.

Eventually I realized I needed to get myself back on track by determining my own boundaries, sticking with them, and communicating them to others.

Have you ever felt lost inside a relationship? What did you do?