Posts Tagged ‘lonely’

Where You Should Be & Door Knocking

Sunday, August 28th, 2016

No ContactHave you ever wondered if where you are is where you should be?

I mean, we can wonder about everything we do and the decisions we make as it relates to us and the truth is we’ll probably never know for sure if we’ve got it all exactly right. So if we weren’t where we are now, where else would we be? What would we do? Who would be in our lives? What would life look like?

We all have times when we question our direction. Yet if we are spiritual (and that is certainly different for everyone) have faith in that spirituality and are moving forward by living life in a way we feel good about, we’re most definitely on a positive path.

If I were homeless, with no means of support, no friends or family near by—I would have serious doubts about whether or not I was in the right place. In fact I’d make a point of doing whatever I could to change my situation by coming up with a plan and working on it daily.

There have been times in my life when I’ve faced setbacks and have struggled economically, emotionally, and spiritually. Each time has been frustrating primarily because I didn’t know for sure if the smart move was to stay on the current path or choose a different one.

Sometimes we are fearful or uncertain no matter what we do so the goal becomes to move forward daily day by gathering information setting goals and eventually getting our nerve up to knock on a few doors. We might get to the first one and it slams shut. That’s okay, we just try another one. If we get the same result we continue to try again and again and again.

Some decide it’s too discouraging so abandon knocking on any more doors. Others keep trudging on. Not giving up is the American way, right? Sure staying the course despite rejection builds character yet at some point it’s a good idea to step back and consider whether it’s possible we’re trying to open the wrong doors. (more…)

Self Soothing

Thursday, January 2nd, 2014

I used to spend a lot of time crying over men. I didn’t know the first thing about self soothing. I cried when I thought I’d done or said the wrong thing. Or he said or did something I felt wounded by. Or the relationship hit a bump or more than a bump and had fallen into a deep dark hole and was over. With these relationship upsets I did the two things I knew how to do:  become anxious and then cry.

I didn’t know how to calm my emotions without stirring them up into a frenzy first. I wasn’t aware that accepting my life even if it wasn’t what I wanted was healthier for me.

I have a vivid recollection of one of the last times I cried my head off over a man. Back in 2003 I sat in my car at a day park parking lot. The rain was pouring down on the car roof while I sat inside crying my eyes out. It was pathetic and deep down I knew it. I also knew that all the crying was hurting me rather than helping. The only benefit was that after crying in enough different relationship situations I realized I was wasting my time and energy.

I wasn’t a drinker, didn’t take drugs, gamble or have any of the usual addictive behaviors but was addicted nonetheless. I was addicted to suffering over relationships. I got enough out of bawling my head off that on a very basic level it worked. I got to feel self pity and relief when I’d finally cried myself out.  Yet crying isn’t a problem solving tactic in adulthood and it’s certainly not soothing. Whereas it’s a reflex for infants and small children when it comes to adult relationships it is a strong indicator of love addiction.

As adults we’re suppose to know that just because we want something doesn’t mean we’re going to get it or that just because we feel we’re deserving of a certain way of life, we’re going to have it in the here and now.

That’s when self soothing comes in handy.

Ways to Self Soothe

Listen to beautiful and soothing music

Have a special treat or meal. Eat it slowly savoring each bite.

Drink a warm drink like herbal tea.

Take a walk in a pretty area or go to a museum. Buy a flower or bouquet and put it where you’ll see it.

Take a bubble bath or pet your dog or cat. Put on a soft shirt or sink into a comfortable chair or bed.

Take in the smells around you–fry some bacon, bake bread, cookies, a cake. Smell coffee brewing. Light a scented candle.

If you look at relationship loss or single status as being part of your current life circumstances and guard against projecting what you wished you had you’ll be more accepting of your life in the here and now.

No Contact

 

As It Should Be

Friday, March 1st, 2013

“The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be.” –Anne Frank

Tuesday, January 4th, 2011

What a lovely surprise to discover how unlonely being alone can be.

Ellen Burstyn

When You Are Lonely

Thursday, December 30th, 2010

Somewhere there is someone who dreams of your smile, and finds in your presence that life is worthwhile, so when you are lonely remember it’s true, someone somewhere is thinking of you.

Unknown