Be kind to your kids. When they become adults they will tell you what you need to do and how you should act and what you’re doing wrong etc. And more often than not they will be right.
The kinder and more forgiving you are to them as you raise them the more likely they will be the same with you as you age.
I cringe when I see parents who are gruff with their young children. If they would only realize their words will come back to bite them.
Children mimic what they see and how they are treated.
Delivering bad news is never something we can’t wait to do and I don’t mean news re: the death of a loved one or re: illness. The type of bad news I’m referring to is the type where people lose the opportunity to benefit or gain in some way. This might be the loss of a new job, project, manager, client. It might be the loss of a promotion, money gifts, awards, government benefits, tenancy, property or another tangible. It might also be the loss of a relationship.
It’s hard to be the one whether professionally or personally who tells another person they’re not going to get something they want or that you no longer want the other person in your life. Being on the receiving end of this type of news can be devastating but what is worse is not getting the news first hand from the person who should be responsible for giving it.
Say you’re in a relationship and your partner just disappears. You receive no warning, no goodbye no nice knowing you, they’re just gone. You wonder and maybe imagine all sorts of things happened. You look for them or make countless phone calls but in the end you’re left with more than a few unknowns. (more…)
You’ve most likely heard the expression talk is cheap. It definitely doesn’t apply to relationships. If anything it’s a commodity. Without talk a relationship is destined to die.
Sometimes, especially in the beginning, talk is hard to come by. People feel their way as they create conversation in order to find common ground. Some conversations last just a few seconds, simple words, light and breezy. Others can be meatier and last hours.
Talk is good. Not necessarily idle chatter but sincere communication heals our souls and keeps the brain active and stimulated.
Talking about common interests, activities, current events, ideas, travel, dreams, goals, and plans usually put people at ease. When it gets right down to it, all of our relationships are a series of conversations.
Great relationships don’t just happen–they’re created and one of the primary ingredients is talk. Talk is wonderful music to the ears. It has great value. It’s like physical exercise—the more you do the better you get and the more you look forward to it.
If you find it tough to involve another person in conversation, keep trying. As the conversation starts to flow, you’ll become more comfortable and start looking forward to it. If you run across someone who seems turned off by a meaningful exchange take note of it. If you are dating and conversation comes hard a safe bet is to ask the other person about themselves–most people love to talk about their views activities hobbies etc. Guard against overwhelming your partner. Too much question and answer conversation for hours at a time is too much to deal with. Shorter meaningful conversations have a greater impact over time.
To keep a relationship going keep the lines of communication flowing.
I have learned silence from the talkative, tolerance from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet strangely, I am grateful to these teachers.
Kahlil Gibran
Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair but manifestations of strength and resolution. Kahlil Gibran
There are times when it feels like no one cares–even those people who have committed to caring about us act at times as if they don’t.
How important is it that we sense that others we care about care about us?
Pretty darn important.
How long would you continue on in a relationship if the person you’re with didn’t show an inkling of caring toward you? Would it be hard to muster up the ability to care for them? How long could you pull off genuine caring behavior for another person who consistently ignored dismissed or was simply unaware of your needs?
Say you got caught in a downpour and your partner pulled out their umbrella but told you to get your own.
Wonder if you came home after working a 10 hour shift and your partner who had been at home relaxing all day asked you to fix dinner–would you rush to the kitchen and proceed to to knock out a four course meal?
Maybe you’re on a walk with your partner and you come across a $10 bill. You pick it up and while holding it in your hand they grab it and say “hey, great, thanks!” Then proceed to stuff it in their pocket without batting an eye! Would this give you a stabbing feeling in your gut–or would you just shrug it off?
When someone close to you feels a certain level of comfort in your presence their true colors emerge and sometimes the picture isn’t too bright. How quickly vibrant hues become lifeless and dull and what’s amazing is the change you feel toward them happens in a matter of seconds. The question is what do you do?
When you stop to think about it, this person has given you a gift. You’ve just received a glimpse of what the future holds. If it’s a new relationship–wow, what a time saver. It’s wonderful! Is there any doubt what your next action will be?
But say you’ve already determined that this is someone you want to commit to or this is a long term partner or a spouse? Then what? Do you shove the hurt deep down inside as quickly as possible and work to erase any residual affects?
Well, denial works–for awhile. But the fact that you notice the slight, the insult, the total inappropriateness of an action means you’re aware and once you’re aware you know there is potential for more of the same. You’ve got to act!
You’ve got to say “what the heck are you doing?” Or, “no I won’t fix dinner I’m tired!” Or “excuse me, I found it, it’s mine!”
You call it like you see it. You’ve got to!
And, if you continue to see major red lights flashing you take another action–you leave. Ongoing acts of rudeness, cruelty, disrespect, inconsideration, or endangerment signal a conscious choice and if another person is consciously and consistently telling you through their words or actions that they don’t care, they don’t.
You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late. —
Ralph Waldo Emerson
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are so confident while the intelligent are full of doubt.
— Bertrand Russell
A stupid person should keep silent. But if he knew this, he would not be a stupid person.
— Muslih-ud-Din Saadi
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
– Leo Buscaglia
Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make a difference. They bless the one who receives them, and they bless you, the giver. – Barbara De Angelis
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