There are times when it feels like no one cares–even those people who have committed to caring about us act at times as if they don’t.
How important is it that we sense that others we care about care about us?
Pretty darn important.
How long would you continue on in a relationship if the person you’re with didn’t show an inkling of caring toward you? Would it be hard to muster up the ability to care for them? How long could you pull off genuine caring behavior for another person who consistently ignored dismissed or was simply unaware of your needs?
Say you got caught in a downpour and your partner pulled out their umbrella but told you to get your own.
Wonder if you came home after working a 10 hour shift and your partner who had been at home relaxing all day asked you to fix dinner–would you rush to the kitchen and proceed to to knock out a four course meal?
Maybe you’re on a walk with your partner and you come across a $10 bill. You pick it up and while holding it in your hand they grab it and say “hey, great, thanks!” Then proceed to stuff it in their pocket without batting an eye! Would this give you a stabbing feeling in your gut–or would you just shrug it off?
When someone close to you feels a certain level of comfort in your presence their true colors emerge and sometimes the picture isn’t too bright. How quickly vibrant hues become lifeless and dull and what’s amazing is the change you feel toward them happens in a matter of seconds. The question is what do you do?
When you stop to think about it, this person has given you a gift. You’ve just received a glimpse of what the future holds. If it’s a new relationship–wow, what a time saver. It’s wonderful! Is there any doubt what your next action will be?
But say you’ve already determined that this is someone you want to commit to or this is a long term partner or a spouse? Then what? Do you shove the hurt deep down inside as quickly as possible and work to erase any residual affects?
Well, denial works–for awhile. But the fact that you notice the slight, the insult, the total inappropriateness of an action means you’re aware and once you’re aware you know there is potential for more of the same. You’ve got to act!
You’ve got to say “what the heck are you doing?” Or, “no I won’t fix dinner I’m tired!” Or “excuse me, I found it, it’s mine!”
You call it like you see it. You’ve got to!
And, if you continue to see major red lights flashing you take another action–you leave. Ongoing acts of rudeness, cruelty, disrespect, inconsideration, or endangerment signal a conscious choice and if another person is consciously and consistently telling you through their words or actions that they don’t care, they don’t.