Posts Tagged ‘gain confidence’

Can’t Put a Price on Peace of Mind

Monday, August 15th, 2011

Leaving a destructive relationship can be a gut wrenching experience. Seven years ago I committed to no further contact with a relationship partner. Initially I fought having to stop contact. I didn’t want to and hoped I wouldn’t have to but deep down knew if I wanted a healthy life for myself and my children I had to leave the relationship behind.

So I left.

Once I committed to maintaining no contact I slowly gained strength.

I got stronger each time I didn’t pick up the phone.

I felt better about myself when I resisted the urge to make contact.

In my mind leaving the door open–even a crack–would be too much.

Over time and day by day life got better. The heavinessĀ  I’d felt for so long lifted. It was replaced with relief and comfort experiencing life’s simple pleasures. Spending time with my sons, being available for them, seeing them gain confidence in me and in themselves was a joy to watch unfold.

I’d spent years accommodating the needs of relationship partners and in the process sacrificed my needs and those of my children.

My life which had once been a series of dramas was replaced with peace of mind. I’d forgotten–or maybe never fully felt–peace in my life. I started to understand the meaning of empowerment and what it was like to live life on my own terms. I no longer needed to worry about what a partner would think say or do. There was no need to fear a partner’s reaction to things I said or their inability to cope with daily pressures. My decision to leave these types of relationships behind eliminated the need to deal with an ongoing sinking feeling in my gut.

My voice got stronger. Too often in the past I’d allowed my words to be drowned out by more confident or outspoken partners. As a result I convinced myself that what my partner had to say was more significant than anything I had to say.

Not so.

All I needed to do was turn up the volume and let my voice be heard. It didn’t matter if a hundred other people thought differently than I did what mattered was that I believed my words had value andĀ  expressed myself with confidence.

It’s impossible to put a price on peace of mind when life begins to make sense and you don’t have to hold your breath for fear you’ll offend or look over your shoulder to make sure all is well. When the eggshells you’ve been walking on for so long are gone, the peace you feel is priceless and worth holding onto.

 

Self Improvement–In a Hurry

Sunday, August 29th, 2010

I recently received a comment from a reader who was looking for information about how to improve her self–quickly.

I don’t know if it’s truly possible to quickly improve how you view yourself but I do believe it’s possible to begin the improvement immediately.

The way we view who we are largely depends on the way we think about ourselves. For example, if I want to be a great cook I can begin right away to affirm to myself and to the world that I’m a great cook. I can think it, I can write it down, and I can post little notes all over my house telling me what a great cook I am. I can also tell whoever will listen just how great I am in the kitchen and if I set my mind to it, I might start to believe it.

But most likely, the positive regards I have for my cooking won’t last if deep down, I don’t believe–truly believe I’m a great cook. I can say the words and write them down but my self- doubt will eventually override all my verbal and written messages if I don’t believe it.

So then what do I do if I want to be a great cook quickly? There’s really only one way. I’ve got to take action and lots of it. I need to study recipes and make dishes that look and taste delicious. I’ve also got to share the food I prepare with friends and family so that other people can judge for themselves how well I’m doing. (more…)