Posts Tagged ‘friends’

Kids & Bullies

Friday, October 3rd, 2014

Kids Need Help with Bullies

Sam’s stomach sinks as he sees the bus pull up at his stop.

Past experience tells him that there will most likely be several kids who will not welcome him to sit next to them.

Others will jab, trip, or kick him as he walks by. Another may tear at his backpack.

Once he makes it to school, there is a bigger kid at the door to greet him, who snatches his lunch, takes what he wants, then wads the sack up and drops it on the floor.

Sam struggles with his school work, has few friends, and watches the clock all day long in anticipation for the final bell to ring and for the day to be over.

Sam is being bullied and his situation is being played out in schools everywhere.

Bullying can be verbal, such as name calling and put-downs; physical like hitting, kicking, or damaging property, or relational such as spreading rumors, or threatening friendships.

Bullying can have long term emotional effects and is different from normal child conflict. A bully has power over the target and purposely causes harm and then repeats the action.

If your child is being bullied he or she might not tell you. Lots of times kids feel embarrassed or think they’ve done something to deserve being bullied. Kids need to know that bullying is violence and not their fault.

Signs to watch for:

  • Headaches
  • Not wanting to go to school
  • Stomachaches, sleeplessness, bed wetting
  • Drop in grades
  • Coming home with torn or dirty clothing
  • few or no friends

If you think your child is being bullied ask questions. Contact the school, speak with the principal, and file a report.

If the school conducts an investigation make sure they don’t try and bring the bully and your child together since the imbalance of power could result in an escalation of the bullying.

Most kids don’t have the skills to deal with a bully on their own. They need the help of an adult to resolve the issue.

Be there for them.

Cliques Don’t Make Cents!

Tuesday, December 10th, 2013

Here is a book for the younger set in mind. What a great way to talk about cliques, making new friends, avoiding bullies and feeling left out. Please click the link:

No Contact

A New Relationship on the Heels of an Old One

Wednesday, April 17th, 2013

Sometimes people leave one relationship and before you know it, have entered a new one. Being barely out of one relationship and then sliding into a new one is a slippery slope to climb. It’s hard to be emotionally available for a new partner when there hasn’t been enough time to move past the old one.

Where is the breathing room? What happens to the time it takes to think and heal?

It may be uncomfortable to be without a partner but feeling your way along–alone for awhile is not a bad thing. It takes time patience and a willingness to face loss in order to heal. There isn’t a need to bring another person into the picture to help you through the process. A new relationship partner just adds another layer you’re not ready for. Any new person you meet may wonder why you even find it necessary to start something new so soon.

Healing happens over time. Rushing into new relationships postpones healing.

It doesn’t matter if the relationship left was the world’s worst—healing is still necessary.

It doesn’t matter if the relationship was loveless—there still needs to be time to understand why you were there.

Consider the time you spend without a relationship as an investment in you. Healing makes us stronger and wiser. We grow, develop, and learn from each person that comes into our lives. Friends and family can be of great help after a breakup. They can provide companionship and help you stabilize as you move forward on your own.

Whether the relationship you left lasted a month, six months, a year or ten, the time and effort you put into your healing will provide you with peace and well being down the road.


Wednesday, February 6th, 2013

Spend less time with critical people and more time with those who love and support you.

Boys & Friendship Crisis

Tuesday, June 26th, 2012

Say What You Think

Wednesday, February 1st, 2012

In a new relationship it can be tough to be upfront with views and opinions if they’re different from that of a new person. The first thought might be to stay neutral. There’s no reason to come off as harsh in any way but don’t be afraid to say what you think either. I once met a man who was a serious motorcycle rider. He told me he didn’t ride much in the winter but spent a lot of time riding during the summer. He asked me what I thought about motorcycles. At the time I remember thinking–I could tell him I love them but that wouldn’t be entirely true. Instead I told him it depends on the rider because motorcycle safety is an issue for me.

I didn’t hear from him again. He most likely felt I wasn’t going to share his enthusiasm for bikes and riding was important to him.

Be honest with people and tell them what you think. It isn’t always pleasant but it doesn’t have to be awkward either. You’ll feel more confident when you tell people how you feel because you’re letting them know who you are. Being authentic is a wise thing to do. You won’t have the same interests as every potential partner you meet. Besides, having the exact same interests as a partner isn’t necessary; we’re all different! By being honest not only do you let people know who you are, you tell them what you like, and what you don’t which is a good idea.


Loved Ones Taking a Back Seat to New Relationships

Tuesday, January 24th, 2012

This should never happen but it happens every day. It happened to me once and although it took longer than it should have I shook myself out of the daze I was in and woke up.

Those of us who find ourselves in relationships we become compulsive about talk ourselves into believing these relationships are healthy and good for us. We can’t see or refuse to see that we don’t have our priorities straight.

We think about what we want right now.

We think we must make our new relationship partner our number one priority or we’ll lose them.

If the only way to maintain a new relationship is to put everyone else in our lives on the back burner we’re preparing a recipe for disaster. It’s not necessary to let a new person monopolize our thoughts and time and if this is what we do we’re not ready for that new relationship.

We’re off balance. We’re looking for companionship at the cost of our loved ones. We stand to lose respect from our children, parents, siblings, friends, the new person, and us.

When I experienced this and forced myself to pay attention, I could feel the despair in my heart and see it in the eyes of my children.

If you have experienced urgent intimacy you know it’s a tough spot to be in but at the same time you also know you don’t have to be there. We make this choice and we can just as easily decide to take our time rather than  speed up the process.

New relationship partners worth having will respect us if we respect and value the relationships we already have in our lives. There’s no need to create urgent intimacy. There is a need to nurture our current relationships and grow new ones over time.

Have you experienced urgent intimacy? What are your thoughts about this?

Talk is Not Cheap in Relationships

Wednesday, December 14th, 2011

You’ve most likely heard the expression talk is cheap. It definitely doesn’t apply to relationships. If anything it’s a commodity. Without talk a relationship is destined to die.

Sometimes, especially in the beginning, talk is hard to come by. People feel their way as they create conversation in order to find common ground. Some conversations last just a few seconds, simple words, light and breezy. Others can be meatier and last hours.

Talk is good.  Not necessarily idle chatter but sincere communication heals our souls and keeps the brain active and stimulated.

Talking about common interests, activities, current events, ideas, travel, dreams, goals, and plans usually put people at ease. When it gets right down to it, all of our relationships are a series of conversations.

Great relationships don’t just happen–they’re created and one of the primary ingredients is talk. Talk is wonderful music to the ears. It has great value. It’s like physical exercise—the more you do the better you get and the more you look forward to it.

If you find it tough to involve another person in conversation, keep trying. As the conversation starts to flow,  you’ll become more comfortable and start looking forward to it. If you run across someone who seems turned off by a meaningful exchange take note of it. If you are dating and conversation comes hard a safe bet is to ask the other person about themselves–most people love to talk about their views activities hobbies etc. Guard against overwhelming your partner. Too much question and answer conversation for hours at a time is too much to deal with. Shorter meaningful conversations have a greater impact over time.

To keep a relationship going keep the lines of communication flowing.

Brace Yourself–Life Is Difficult

Sunday, October 23rd, 2011

I had the opportunity to watch a gem of a movie–The Beaver. You may want to check it out.

In the movie the main character suffers from depression. He doesn’t want to live and tries to hang himself but isn’t successful. His challenge is to engage himself in his own life, to embrace the life he has  so that ultimately he wants to live.

Life is full of challenges. There are times when we interpret these challenges to be frustrations or road blocks keeping us from living the life we want. Attitude plays a role–if we believe challenges can’t be overcome we will retreat and blame circumstances for our inability to take action.

Sometimes we want to meet a new challenge but don’t know what to do. We’ve got options but there is uncertainty tied to each one and the fear of making the wrong choice keeps us from moving forward.

At other times, as with the character in The Beaver, we give up. Life takes too much effort and despite all the positives we’ve got going don’t feel up to putting out any effort at all. If this is the case it will take more than our own effort to clear the way. Help is needed–family friends and often professional to get us back on track.

For all of us,  life is difficult. There will always be challenges and obstacles and even boredom to overcome. If you or someone you know has a zest for life and faces each day as an opportunity, you/they work on it. Facing life head on with a positive attitude is hard work but worth it.

The challenges put before us are there because that is the way life is. There are no guarantees. Living a full life with rich experiences requires taking risks.

I’d rather live life by risking  based on my best judgement than standing still and wishing I would have tried.

Life is difficult; that’s a given. How you choose to manage those difficulties is in your hands.



Actions Trump Words in Relationships

Wednesday, July 27th, 2011

We usually identify ourselves with family, friends, job, financial security,  social networks, community, spirituality, hobbies etc.

We can be conversational and say what we want, where we will go, have done, hope to achieve, have accomplished, plan to learn etc. but those who know us, live with us, spend time with us, like us or love us, are most interested in knowing if we can be depended on. If when we say we will be there–we are, if we say we’ll show up–we do. Showing up, taking part, being available as a friend, partner, loved one,  speaks volumes about who we are as people especially when there isn’t any recognizable personal gain involved.

Right now it feels like there is a low lingering sense of panic that engulfs our country. Yet with so many people unemployed or underemployed we need to hunker down because it’s likely that life less settled and predictable is our lot for the foreseeable future. People are frustrated with the state of the economy and the lack of opportunity to the point where they think–if I’m going to take action I’d better make it count for me and while I’m at it, make sure others stand up and take notice of what I’m doing.

It’s understandable to feel this way, not only as a possible opening for opportunity but because recognition is important. It lets us and others know our efforts are valued.

People quit jobs because they feel unappreciated. There are bosses who believe  the only recognition people need is that they get to keep their jobs. This is very sad because employers have a golden opportunity now more than ever to let their employees know they are valued and appreciated because they do keep coming back often without recognition and pay increases and despite taking over additional workloads because vacancies are left unhired.

There are however those who do for others on a regular basis without any outside recognition for a job well done.

So when it comes to lending a helping hand take the action. Do it in the spirit of giving back to others as a way of paying forward what has been given to you. The lack of recognition or appreciation might sting but you know deep down that you are giving in a way that makes a difference. It doesn’t take much in the way of time. An hour a month might do the trick.

Your life will be richer because of it.