Posts Tagged ‘freedom’

Defeating the Narcissist

Saturday, December 2nd, 2017

Defeating the narcissist is not hard yet it does require that you do something which might appear foreign to you but is absolutely necessary.

You must anchor into the truth of you.

You must feel into who you are and the knowing of who you are.

You must believe that you know who you are and that no one else on this earth knows this truth better than you do.

You must partner with yourself and believe in what your inner being tells you.

You must believe what your inner being tells you ALWAYS even when you come face to face with someone who tells you that you don’t know who you are and that you don’t know what you want, don’t know what is happening, and don’t know what you’re talking about.

Narcissists will tell you whatever they need to tell you to manifest their agenda. Everything they do and say is a means to that end.

Narcissists will lie when it suits them which is quite often.

Narcissists will lie when there is absolutely no reason to lie. They may tell you they had cereal for breakfast when they really had pancakes. They may tell you they bought a new coat when they didn’t and then when you compliment them on their new coat the next time you see them they say it’s not new and that they never told you they bought a new coat.

Narcissists are unconscious. They don’t face the truth of who they are because their wounding, like all of us who are among the walking wounded, have deep wounds from childhood. We either face these wounds and heal them or we don’t. Narcissists don’t and they won’t.

Our job has human beings is to live consciously in our own truth. When we do this we stop dancing with narcissists. When we face our own truth we have no interest in narcissists and want nothing to do with them.

If you are separated from and must co-parent with a narcissist stand up for the truth of you and for your children. Face the obstacles in your way and calmly and deliberately get your ducks in a row and keep them there. Do your research and document. Document even when you don’t think you need to document because the narcissist will throw you off if you are not one step ahead of them at all times. When you consistently take care of business they will see the change, your children will see the change, and you will feel the change in your mind and in your body. At this point the contact you have with them is only for your children–their health and wellness, scheduling, education.

Narcissists sniff out unconscious co-dependents like heat seeking missiles AND they know when a person is not worth messing with. They know this because people who are grounded in who they are won’t put up with people who play games with the heart, the mind, and the soul. Grounded people know themselves and know exactly what they need to make their lives work. They ask questions of other people that will give them the answers they need. They don’t put up with other people telling them untruths about who they are because they already know who they are. They don’t fall for sweet words that are all fluff and no substance. Remember, narcissists tell people anything they think is necessary in order to get others to do what they want them to do. When you call them on their words and stand tall in your own truth consistently they will back off and slink away.

Defeating the narcissist isn’t the end goal. Defeating the narcissist is a necessary step that must be taken in order to have the space and the freedom to move you forward to your true self.

No Contact

Change & Struggle

Friday, April 3rd, 2015

Change does not roll on the wheels of inevitability, but comes through continuous struggle.

And so we must straighten our backs and work for our freedom. A man can’t ride you unless

your back is bent.

Martin Luther King, Jr.

No Contact

Relationship Links to Freedom

Wednesday, November 26th, 2014

Breaking free from a destructive relationship is never easy but once you’ve made the decision to leave there is likely a huge sense of relief.
By leaving a destructive partnership you’re creating possibility for new opportunities and positive connections to emerge. It’s not necessarily immediate but over time it’s possible to build great new relationships based on shared values interests and chemistry. All the connections you build with a variety of people will create links to your new life.
I found it difficult to break old links especially with my partner. I started and stopped quite a few times before I was finally able to see that as long as I held onto any connection with him, I wouldn’t be able to break free and move forward.
Creating new links can prove to be challenging especially if you’re not practiced at paying attention to what you’re mind and body tell you. I questioned my ability to know a good link from a bad one and was also pretty impatient. I wanted new connections to happen fast but it took much longer than I had anticipated it would. Eventually I discovered something else–new connections are much harder to make if I’m not fully immersed in my own life. I’ve got to be focused on what I’m doing, creating and building. If my only goal is to find a new relationship partner but ignore or don’t give enough time to other areas of my life, how good a partner will I be to another person?
Life is about living fully on a daily basis. It does no good to spend your time waiting for what you don’t have. It’s a much better plan to focus on the life you’ve got and be ready for opportunities as they arise.
If you’re like me and not too comfortable with uncertainty but instead desire predictability order and organization, think of your life as an adventure–where you’re open to what you’ve never had.
The greatest links to freedom come when we open ourselves up to something we’ve never experienced before. Maybe the ideal life we’ve conjured up in our minds holds us back and keeps us stuck. Say you’ve refused certain characteristics or geographic locations in partners–like you may only want tall with dark hair who live within a twenty mile radius.
You might think you’re options are limited in terms of careers when it’s very possible there are some you’ve never even considered that you’d do well with.What about you’re connections with others? Maybe you’ve limited your friendships to just a few because some others you’ve met just seem too different from you.
Why not give yourself the opportunity to open up, seek out, and expand your comfort zone?
Each of us has challenges when it comes to reaching out and finding links. Linking is important enough that we’ve got to find a way to overcome our limitations and seek out different, discover new, and get out of our own way.
There is a chance we may surprise ourselves and have the time of our lives in the process.

No Contact


Relationships–Like Sand in the Hand

Friday, August 5th, 2011

Relationships -of all kinds-are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost.



Thursday, October 21st, 2010

Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.   Soren Kiekegaard

It’s a New Day!

Monday, August 23rd, 2010

The chief beauty about time is that you cannot waste it in advance. The next year, the next day, the next hour are lying ready for you, as perfect, as  unspoiled, as if you had never wasted or misapplied a single moment in all your life.  You can turn over a new leaf every hour if you choose.        Arnold Bennett