Posts Tagged ‘fear’

Kids & Bullies

Friday, October 3rd, 2014

Kids Need Help with Bullies

Sam’s stomach sinks as he sees the bus pull up at his stop.

Past experience tells him that there will most likely be several kids who will not welcome him to sit next to them.

Others will jab, trip, or kick him as he walks by. Another may tear at his backpack.

Once he makes it to school, there is a bigger kid at the door to greet him, who snatches his lunch, takes what he wants, then wads the sack up and drops it on the floor.

Sam struggles with his school work, has few friends, and watches the clock all day long in anticipation for the final bell to ring and for the day to be over.

Sam is being bullied and his situation is being played out in schools everywhere.

Bullying can be verbal, such as name calling and put-downs; physical like hitting, kicking, or damaging property, or relational such as spreading rumors, or threatening friendships.

Bullying can have long term emotional effects and is different from normal child conflict. A bully has power over the target and purposely causes harm and then repeats the action.

If your child is being bullied he or she might not tell you. Lots of times kids feel embarrassed or think they’ve done something to deserve being bullied. Kids need to know that bullying is violence and not their fault.

Signs to watch for:

  • Headaches
  • Not wanting to go to school
  • Stomachaches, sleeplessness, bed wetting
  • Drop in grades
  • Coming home with torn or dirty clothing
  • few or no friends

If you think your child is being bullied ask questions. Contact the school, speak with the principal, and file a report.

If the school conducts an investigation make sure they don’t try and bring the bully and your child together since the imbalance of power could result in an escalation of the bullying.

Most kids don’t have the skills to deal with a bully on their own. They need the help of an adult to resolve the issue.

Be there for them.


Thursday, October 2nd, 2014


No Contact

Take a Leap

Thursday, September 25th, 2014

A few years back a friend gave me some advice about taking a leap in terms of a decision I’d been pondering for some time. When I make a big decision I like to get information–as much as possible because I want to be sure that at the end of the day I’m satisfied that I’ve done my homework. Venturing into unknown territory is something I don’t take lightly yet I have to admit that over the past 10 years I’ve spent quite a bit of time doing just that.

If you’re contemplating a change have done your homework and feel that you’ve got your questions answered yet still struggle to make a yes or no decision maybe the following will help:

When you dip your toe into a pool to test the temperature you can’t be sure that the water is the same temperature two feet below the surface but you have to trust in your experience that it usually is and take the leap.

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What You Think Matters

Monday, March 10th, 2014

Paying attention to what you think becomes more difficult when you’re around other people. Sometimes there is a tendency to push aside what we think in favor of what someone else thinks. We feel they may see things more clearly than we do. A different perspective can be helpful but we need to develop trust in our own instincts. If you’re afraid to speak up and say what you think nobody is going to know who you really are.

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New Partner Choices

Sunday, March 9th, 2014

The best choices for partners are people who are most like us. If we don’t have to alter our likes and dislikes to suit the whims of a new partner we are closer to being on the right track than if we alter our natural self to meet the expectations of someone new.


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Got Feelings? Express Them

Thursday, February 27th, 2014

From the time we were kids most of us were taught that it’s okay to express certain feelings but not others. We learned that if we express feelings that make others uncomfortable it puts us in an unfavorable light and that is to be avoided. We could feel grateful but not angry. It was okay to be confident but not scared. It was good to ask for advice from parents and other authority figures but not question them.

We also learned that there were times we should hide our feelings–even from ourselves. We might fear social contact but don’t own that fear and instead say we are bored. We might be hurt and feel rejected by another person but instead of communicating those feelings replace them with anger. If we’re in an abusive relationship we deny it and instead call it a successful relationship because we believe that we need that relationship in order to survive.

We get into trouble when we don’t acknowledge our true feelings. We can stuff what we feel down inside us for awhile but all we get for the continual denial is feelings that come out in other ways–backaches, headaches, ulcers or worse.

There is good reading material available that addresses the question of suppressed anger such as The Anger Trap by Les Carter or Healing the Shame by John Bradshaw. We have a choice. We can move through life as one of the walking wounded or we can take steps to heal our selves as we grow.

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Crystal Clear View

Wednesday, January 29th, 2014

On the one hand we want to know everything. A crystal ball would be nice–then everything would be crystal clear. But if we knew exactly what we need to know where would living come into play? Living=challenge=trust=achievement=more questions The only way answers make sense is by living with the questions for awhile– some times a long while.


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Do it Scared

Wednesday, December 18th, 2013

Recently my business coach sent his students this true story. I think it’s message is pretty powerful!

“Do It Scared!”

I once heard a true story of a woman who was trapped in a burning building on the 80th floor. She had an intensive fear of heights and also an intensive fear of closed in spaces so when the fire alarm went off she absolutely refused to follow her colleagues into the stairwell to evacuate to safety.

She could not handle the thought of going down the stairs being able to look down in the middle all the way to the bottom. And the thought of being trapped inside the enclosed stairwell was just too much to endure and so instead she made a conscious choice to hide under her desk and wait to die.

Until some firemen made it up to her floor and were doing a sweep of the building when they found her in time to where they could still get her out. They told her she would have to take the stairs or she would surely burn alive in the flames. And yet she still wanted to choose death over facing her fear!

Finally a fireman grabbed her and picked her up and started dragging her towards the stairs. She wouldn’t stop kicking and screaming “I’m scared! I don’t want to because I’m scared!” And he couldn’t get her to go anywhere until he said these magical words to her “That’s ok, do it scared.

“Do it scared. Do it scared. It’s ok to be scared just do it scared.” He kept saying it into her ear as he rushed her all the way down 80 flights of stairs. “Do it scared. It’s ok to be scared just do it scared.”

Reportedly as the woman and the firefighter finally burst out the bottom doors just seconds before the building became an engulfed inferno she said the bright light of outside was also the exact moment of an epiphany for her life. She could hear the firefighter’s voice in her ear, “Do it scared. Do it scared. No problem, just do it scared.” The phrase saved her life physically but it also transformed her life emotionally. The catch phrase became her life mantra and she went on to live a completely different life after that.

Don’t you have times like that in your life? Where you know what the obvious move to make is but somehow you find this evil force holding you back because of a violently detailed fear? Don’t you sometimes have people trying to drag you down the path that will save your life? Isn’t it sometimes obvious that you have to take the stairs, yet the fear grips you and causes you to choose convenience and safety over life?

Do it scared. It’s fine to be scared – do it scared. It’s fine to be unsure – do it unsure. It’s fine to be uncomfortable – do it uncomfortable. Just do it scared. That is the attitude of the most disciplined and successful people on the planet. They just do it scared, if they have to. But they do it anyways.

Do it scared.

You are going to develop the habit of acting in the face of fear. You are going to create movement and momentum. You are going to get closer to your fear so that you can understand it and overcome it. You will act and you will have life!






A Little Not Ready

Wednesday, December 11th, 2013

I always did something I was a little not ready to do. I think that’s how you grow.When there’s that moment of  ‘Wow, I’m not really sure I can do this,’ and you push through those moments, that’s when you have a breakthrough.

Marissa Mayer

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If You Don’t Know…

Sunday, December 1st, 2013

If you don’t know where you are going, every road will get you nowhere.

Henry Kissinger

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