Posts Tagged ‘faith’

Crying Over Men

Thursday, December 17th, 2015

I used to spend a lot of time crying over men. I didn’t know the first thing about self soothing. I cried when I thought I’d done or said the wrong thing. Or he said or did something I felt wounded by. Or the relationship hit a bump or more than a bump and had fallen into a deep dark hole and was over. With these relationship upsets I did the two things I knew how to do:  become anxious and cry.

I didn’t know how to calm my emotions without stirring them up into a frenzy first. I wasn’t aware that accepting my life even if it wasn’t what I wanted was healthier for me.

I have a vivid recollection of one of the last times I cried my head off over a man. Years ago, I sat in my car in a day use parking lot. The rain was pouring down on the car roof while I sat inside crying my eyes out. It was pathetic and deep down I knew it. I also knew that all the crying was hurting me far more than it was helping. The only benefit was that after crying enough I usually felt exhausted and slept but when I woke up I was right back to the misery.

I wasn’t a drinker, didn’t take drugs, gamble, or have any of the usual addictive behaviors but was addicted nonetheless–addicted to suffering over relationships. I got enough out of bawling my head off that on a very basic level it worked. I got to feel self pity and relief when I’d finally cried myself out.  Yet crying isn’t a problem solving tactic in adulthood and it’s certainly not self soothing. It’s a reflex for infants but when it comes to adult relationships it’s a strong indicator of love addiction.

As adults we’re suppose to know that just because we want something doesn’t mean we’re going to get it or that just because we feel we’re deserving of a certain way of life, we’re going to have it in the here and now.

So even though it’s natural to shed some tears after the loss of a relationship make a point of doing special things for yourself in those early weeks in order to avoid  sobbing uncontrollably and/or making yourself an emotional wreck.

Ways to Self Soothe

Listen to beautiful and soothing music.

Have a special treat or meal-something you absolutely love. Eat it slowly savoring each bite.

Find a comedy to watch–something without romance.

Drink a warm drink like herbal tea.

Take a walk in a pretty area or go to a museum. Buy a bouquet of flowers and put where you’ll see them.

Take a bubble bath.

Play with your dog or cat.

Put on a soft shirt or sink into a comfortable chair or bed.

Take a bubble bath.

Take in the smells around you–fry some bacon, bake bread, cookies, a cake. Smell coffee brewing. Light a scented candle.

Get a massage.

If you look at relationship loss or single status as being part of your current life circumstances and guard against projecting what you wished you had you’ll be more accepting of your life in the here and now.

No Contact


Tuesday, September 1st, 2015

If  you want to take a leap of faith but can’t quite hop up to the plate there are things you can do to mentally  prepare yourself.


No Contact

To Take a Leap of Faith

Tuesday, March 17th, 2015

If  you want to take a leap of faith but can’t quite hop up to the plate there are things you can do to mentally  prepare yourself.

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Get Used to Uncomfortable

Saturday, February 14th, 2015

The number one reason I was able to finally leave the destructive relationships I found myself in was that I forced myself to get used to uncomfortable.

The thing that keeps us in what isn’t good for us is that even though we know it’s not good, we’re familiar with it and know how to live in it.

It may not be good but getting up day after day and knowing what to expect even if it’s bad gives us a sense of normalcy that we crave.

One of the first big decisions I made when I left my marriage was to buy a new home.

Walking into the realtor’s office by myself felt very uncomfortable.

I felt like a fish out of water and completely alone.

It seemed so abnormal to make the big decision I was about to make.

I thought–I can’t do this and shouldn’t be here. I need  help!

But there I was and looking around I realized I was the only one there to make the decision and it had to be done;

so I did it.

I felt less uncomfortable as I walked out of that office.

I felt uncomfortable with more decisions I made in the coming weeks months and years but I got used to making decisions and as time went on realized that the only way to get comfortable was to continue to make decisions–small medium and big ones.

The result was that over time the uncomfortableness I’d felt early on became my new comfort zone.

I trusted the decisions I was making.

Other people saw the difference in me–the confidence that came through.

I would not have grown into the person I am today without forcing myself to get uncomfortable.

Next time you think–oh no, I can’t do this or this is way too big a decision for me to make–

think again.

Get used to it.

Accept it.

Own your decisions.

Your time is now.

No Contact


Fear After Taking a Leap of Faith…

Monday, July 1st, 2013

No ContactIf you’re considering taking a leap of faith in one area of your life OR if you’ve already done so you may question whether or not you’re just about to screw up your life permanently or already have.

Here’s what I’ve learned after taking a leap nearly a year ago:

Preparation–Prepare as much as you can. Do your homework. In my case I’d spent five years looking at various business opportunities and speaking with what seemed like hundreds of people about their decision to buy this or that business they’d purchased. It’s pretty hard to take any leap without preparation. Talking to others, reading, researching, visiting with those who have taken the same/similar leap can help. So can workshops, seminars, training, whatever you can get your hands on.

Acceptance–No matter what leap you’ve taken or are about to take, you will question whether you did the right thing. Take a deep breath and then let it out slowly. When I bought into the business opportunity I’m currently part of there were problems right off the bat. I was not welcomed with open arms by fellow territory owners and in fact was told that I made a huge mistake by purchasing the territory I purchased. To get through the first three months I saw a counselor. In the beginning I felt panicky with a sinking feeling on a fairly regular basis. With the help of the counselor I realized that there is no perfect business and that the learning curve can be huge. With his help I was able to calm down.

The Fear About Money–This one was huge for me. I was convinced that I would go bankrupt within the first six months or end up homeless at the end of the first year. Neither have happened so far…The thing about money is that money is not the problem. Money is just coins and paper–that’s it. We all have fears about our security yet have no idea how resourceful we truly are until we’re faced with losing our financial resources. If you’re prepared you will not have quite so much to fear when it comes to money. If your leap of faith involves finances have enough savings to live on for the first six months. If you don’t have this; wait until you do.

Maintain Focus–There is plenty to distract us when we’re maneuvering through any transition. Taking a leap of faith requires focus. If you’re not focused the first strong wind will knock you right off your feet. Stay steady, restate your goal, post your goal. Avoid thinking about what others are doing and how you compare to them. Chances are they aren’t and maybe never have experienced what you’re experiencing.

Be Proud of Taking Your Leap–When I look at where I am now and how long I waited to actually jump in with both feet I sometimes can’t believe I actually did it! No matter what happens I’m very proud of myself for having had the courage to get out of my comfort space and take the leap I took. The realization that I’ve made it this far keeps me going and motivates me to want to keep moving forward.


Don’t fear failure so much that you refuse to try new things. The saddest summary of life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, should have.   Unknown



A Leap of Faith Across the Gender Gap

Sunday, June 23rd, 2013

It just goes to show that determination and knowing what you want can get you where you’re meant to go.

Baby Ducks take a Leap of Faith

Monday, June 3rd, 2013

Resolutions to Reflect on the Good You Already Do

Tuesday, January 1st, 2013

It’s a new year and with it are the resolutions to try harder  or do something more or better than we did last year.

What if we don’t stop striving for improvement but in addition give ourselves a break by reflecting on what we already do well.

Just think of the relief in knowing that you’re already doing a good job. Sure there’s always room for improvement but there is already plenty of emphasis put on doing more better faster.

Why not have resolutions more in line with breathe easier live calmer and you’re already doing a heck of a job?

Give yourself a break. Take time for you.

The time we take for ourselves and our families are the gifts we get in life. These moments are the best that life has to offer.

Happy New Year!



Taking a Leap of Faith

Saturday, December 29th, 2012

Stinking Thinking, Rules for Being Human, & Risking

Thursday, May 17th, 2012

I was looking through some of my online favorites and ran across this website. I think there is some interesting reading here, I hope you agree.