Posts Tagged ‘end’

Cut-Offs

Sunday, February 21st, 2016

This blog was started as it related to the book No Contact: Ending a Destructive Relationship. The relationship which ends is abusive/destructive to the person wanting to eliminate contact or if that is not possible, to restrict contact as much as possible.

Another way contact can end a relationship is as is described in the article written by Esther Kane, MSW, RSW, Registered Clinical Counselor. In this article the author describes the end of a familial relationship through a cut-off. She says people who have gone through this are as bewildered as they are devastated.

Below is a link to the article that was written in 2011 with some thoughts about family who have been cut-off by other family members. According to Kane, it is a pretty common phenomenon especially after the holidays.

http://bit.ly/1mmc9hB

No Contact

When You Exit a Relationship Door Opens for A New One

Wednesday, May 14th, 2014

Even though you leave a partner, when you exit the relationship there is a void to fill and it can take a long while to recover.  Whether the relationship was a healthy or destructive one the feeling of love for this person stays with you.

Over time the sorrow pain anger and frustration of having been in this relationship and having it end will soften. With the right attitude you will move forward with strong insight from having been part of it.

What determines growth is acceptance of the circumstances that led you to leave. You knew and still know that in order to live a healthy happy life you had to leave a person that you truly loved.

The victory is that you loved. Each of us who have been moved by love know that it leaves traces on the heart. Memories of love stay with us and long after the fire burns out marks are left as proof that loved existed. To deny that love existed keeps you in denial. Accepting that love was there helps you move forward.

Many times the end of one love prepares for a new healthier one;  a new door opens that may not have been available to you otherwise.

No Contact

Vagina Monologues–It’s Happening in Salem

Friday, April 4th, 2014

The Vagina Monologues is a play written in 1994 by Eve Ensler, playwright and activist. Ensler founded V-Day about four years after she wrote the play. V-Day is a nonprofit that demands violence against girls and women must end.

http://stjr.nl/1ka8MYY

 

No Contact

Where Life Begins

Thursday, December 27th, 2012

Life begins at the end of your Comfort Zone.    Neale Donald Walsch

Tuesday, August 9th, 2011

What we call the beginning is often an end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.        T.S. Eliot

Please Don’t Go

Thursday, December 9th, 2010

http://bit.ly/hTUGMn

Anxiety After a Breakup–The Restless Mind Syndrome

Friday, November 19th, 2010

Anxious

In The No Contact book I take some time talking about anxiety or what I’ve come to see as the restless mind syndrome.

There is this heightened sense of awareness in terms of relationships in general and the fact that you’re not in one.

Anxiety sets in and along with it, the feeling of the sinking gut–where your insides are in pain and there is a hollowness that doesn’t seem to go away during your waking hours.

If  your relationship has ended, you were most likely feeling anxious before the final breakup actually took place. There is usually an unsettled feeling before the end.

The anxious feeling you feel near the end or at the end can torpedo you into a place where impulse rules. You may do and say things that if you weren’t in a state of high anxiety would likely think twice about.

If you’re feeling an uneasiness inside your relationship follow these guidelines:

1.  If you feel worry or high anxiety coming on during a conversation with your partner end the conversation. Say something like…”you know, we can talk about this later but right now I’ve got to get some things done.

2.  Go do something that will take your mind off the conversation. Whatever you find relaxing, or if you’ve genuinely got some things you need to get done pour your focus into getting those things done. Don’t discuss the previous conversation with anyone. Just get busy with something.

3.  When you’ve calmed down wait for your partner to call. Don’t make the call, wait and continue the conversation only if you feel in control of yourself, your words, and your actions.

When you can get control over your emotions you can take control of your life.

Think about your past relationship and the times you felt anxious. What did you do? How did you respond to anxious situations?

Anxiety can potentially damage and destroy relationships. Take control of your emotions and your life.

If you’re faced with the end of a relationship it is a difficult place to be but your life is about more than that relationship.

Instead of allowing your emotions to run wild when you’re anxious remember that you have the power to control them.