Posts Tagged ‘don’t’

Distribution of Power In Relationships

Tuesday, November 18th, 2014

When you’re in a relationship where the distribution of power is lopsided, the person with little or no power becomes even more powerless by silencing their own voice. You don’t intentionally stop talking. There is a freeze that happens. You have trouble gathering your thoughts and speaking up when in communication with the person you see as having more power than you. Remember–they have more power only because you have turned your power over to them. When trying to communicate  with a person you have given your power to: take a breath and gather your thoughts; make eye contact; say what you need to say; keep it brief. The more you speak up; the more confident you will be. People who are power mongers are not typically good listeners. They’ll look down, walk away, do something else, but not usually interested in listening to anyone other than themselves. Don’t chase after them to have a conversation. Chasing is like begging–begging for time and attention. As you speak up and reclaim your power you will decide if it is worth your time to communicate with this person. You are responsible for your life and the direction it will take. If you are not safe to have a conversation with the other person and reclaim your power please seek help.

No Contact


Sunday, November 2nd, 2014

It’s always better to be at the bottom of the ladder you want to climb than the top of the one you don’t.

No Contact

Stop Short

Saturday, February 8th, 2014

Have you ever decided to stop short?

Years ago I remember talking with a dear friend who told me about her time in college.

She was a good student and loved her major which was teacher education.

She told me about how she studied hard but in the end decided not to finish her degree.

She was three credit hours shy of finishing and decided not to continue.

She stopped short.

At first when she told me I thought, all that work not to see it through to completion…

She guessed what I was thinking and told me she was okay with the decision as she knew at the time it was the right thing to do and was at peace with it.

We all stop short sometimes.

Like when you’re in a conversation with a friend and planned on saying something, were on the verge of saying it but didn’t.

You think better of it. Decide that either the timing is off or think what you were going to say is better left unsaid.

I’ve done it.

Or when you’re headed out the door to a particular destination and decide not to go.

Done it.

Or when you apply for a job, want the job, need the job, get the job but decide not to take it.

Done it.

Or when you apply to get into a degree program, work like a dog to pull together the application materials, turn it all in and are accepted into the program but then withdraw.

I’ve done that too…

Green light decisions that turn red.

There’s a reason we stop short.

Clarity we either didn’t see in the first place or didn’t acknowledge until after the fact.

Maybe we thought it would be cool to do or have whatever we decided on but don’t think about whether or not we can actually live with taking the action.

Some decisions are huge and effect us the rest of our lives–like marriage.  Couples decide to get married even though they’re either not ready or not at all sure about one another. Only after they’ve walked down the aisle and the excitement has died down do they see the decision was a mistake.

We have to get past yes to see no.

We have to be on the yes side of the decision and try it on for size to fully see if it is the right thing to do. And if it’s not, we’ve got to trust our instincts and put on the brakes and/or pull out.

Sometimes it’s the right thing to do.

No Contact











Do Something You Love

Thursday, June 21st, 2012

You can only become truly accomplished at something you love. Don’t make money your goal. Instead, pursue the things you love doing, and then do them so well people can’t take their eyes off you.        Maya Angelou

Don’t Dwell

Tuesday, August 2nd, 2011

Don’t dwell on what went wrong. Instead, focus on what to do next. Spend your energies on moving forward toward finding the answer.      Denis Waitley