Posts Tagged ‘domestic abuse’

Courage to say NO!

Monday, August 27th, 2012

We need to find the courage to say NO to the things and people that are not serving us if we want to rediscover ourselves and live our lives with authenticity.   Barbara De Angelis

Pivotal Moments in Destructive Relationships

Sunday, May 27th, 2012

When you think about the pivotal moments in life the big ones come up first—graduating from high school, getting into college, graduating from college, getting the first job, meeting your life partner, marriage, buying a home, having children.

Those are definitely big moments but there are others happening daily which lead us toward or away from who we are as people. We can choose a path that leads us in a direction where although not perfect, we feel good about. It’s a place with people, choices, daily life, events, and opportunities that are in line with our values. Movement on this path may take on a two steps forward one step back characteristic. Instant gratification isn’t typically part of the landscape but when followed this path usually produces satisfying results.

We also have the option of a path which is more exploratory and quite different from what we’ve experienced. This is a tricky path to navigate because on one hand it is unfamiliar, on the other it is exciting interesting and fun. It can even feel like we’ve hit the jackpot and can’t believe our good fortune.

Relationships we develop down this lesser known path initially seem good. They start quickly and appear to be all we could hope for.  Yet after a little time we discover things we may have overlooked at the onset. We may experience a sinking feeling thinking we’re not good enough or exciting enough for a new partner who is suddenly restless. We don’t know what we did or didn’t do to get to this point but we’re scrambling to figure out what we can do to make things right. We might observe questionable behavior–like ranting or off the wall rudeness toward us or others. Decisions are made which don’t make sense.

When we question circumstances in these relationships we’re doing something good—we’re recognizing pivotal moments and it’s up to us to figure out what we’re going to do with the information we’ve been handed. Do we ignore it or do we take action by asking questions, listening, stating our feelings, and if necessary, leaving.

If you aren’t sure about a current relationship think about the following:

Question why you feel uneasy

Decide if you are willing to compromise your values to meet those of your partner.

Determine whether or not you can continue to live with the situation and the person. If you know you can’t let them know and exit.

Recognize if you’re saying you’re okay with things as they are but know deep down you’re not. It is not wise to accept the unacceptable to keep a relationship going.

Give yourself credit for knowing when a relationship is and  isn’t right for you.

 

Small Steps/Big Impact in New Relationships with Ourselves

Monday, January 30th, 2012

It took awhile to make changes that would help move me toward a better life. I kept thinking I would need to take big leaps but wasn’t comfortable with sweeping change so consequently waited longer than I really needed to. Eventually I realized that being patient works best and that small steps usually have the most impact.

There was a time years back when I knew I definitely wanted to take a step forward. In fact I knew I absolutely had to if I valued my life. I found out about a domestic violence support group which met in my local area on Thursday evenings. I thought about going to one of those meetings for months.

I kept trying to build up courage to go to a meeting and then would change my mind. I rationalized staying home by convincing myself it was more work to go than it was worth and that I wouldn’t gain much anyway. I weighed the pros and cons for months. Finally I told myself—you’re going to the next meeting no matter what! (more…)

Loved Ones Taking a Back Seat to New Relationships

Tuesday, January 24th, 2012

This should never happen but it happens every day. It happened to me once and although it took longer than it should have I shook myself out of the daze I was in and woke up.

Those of us who find ourselves in relationships we become compulsive about talk ourselves into believing these relationships are healthy and good for us. We can’t see or refuse to see that we don’t have our priorities straight.

We think about what we want right now.

We think we must make our new relationship partner our number one priority or we’ll lose them.

If the only way to maintain a new relationship is to put everyone else in our lives on the back burner we’re preparing a recipe for disaster. It’s not necessary to let a new person monopolize our thoughts and time and if this is what we do we’re not ready for that new relationship.

We’re off balance. We’re looking for companionship at the cost of our loved ones. We stand to lose respect from our children, parents, siblings, friends, the new person, and us.

When I experienced this and forced myself to pay attention, I could feel the despair in my heart and see it in the eyes of my children.

If you have experienced urgent intimacy you know it’s a tough spot to be in but at the same time you also know you don’t have to be there. We make this choice and we can just as easily decide to take our time rather than  speed up the process.

New relationship partners worth having will respect us if we respect and value the relationships we already have in our lives. There’s no need to create urgent intimacy. There is a need to nurture our current relationships and grow new ones over time.

Have you experienced urgent intimacy? What are your thoughts about this?

Older Victims Feel Helpless in the Face of Domestic Abuse

Tuesday, December 27th, 2011

Some people are so used to domestic abuse in their lives that it becomes a normal occurrence for them. The fear of not being believed also prevents victims from coming forward when they have been abused.

http://bit.ly/rUEfSw

 

Domestic Abuse Among Older Couples

Monday, December 26th, 2011

Little is known about domestic violence involving elderly people and how easy it is for professionals to miss the signs. Please read the following:

http://bit.ly/sqYAsW

A Call for Zero Tolerance

Tuesday, June 28th, 2011

http://bit.ly/kIQdKo

Domestic Violence

Saturday, October 30th, 2010

Domestic violence causes far more pain than the visible marks of bruises and scars. It is devastating to be abused by someone that you love and think loves you in return. It is estimated that approximately 3 million incidents of domestic violence are reported each year in the United States.

Dianne Feinstein

Arrogance and Rudeness

Friday, June 25th, 2010

Arrogance and rudeness are training wheels on the bicycle of life — for weak people who cannot keep their balance without them.     — Laura Teresa Marquez

Being Stuck in a Destructive Pattern

Saturday, April 3rd, 2010

Please check out the following:

http://bit.ly/cbnpEX