Posts Tagged ‘dignity’

Giving Enough but Not Too Much

Saturday, September 22nd, 2018

No ContactThere is this delicate balance that is for us empaths, the ultimate quest in life–giving enough but not too much.

How do we do this? On the one hand we want to be caring supportive and available to our loved ones. On the other hand there is a real danger to ourselves when we go over the top.

This was delicately pointed out to me by a dear friend and her words were simple but the effect has stuck with me.

The issue is that my brother is not well and has had a lifelong battle with mental illness. The medications that it takes to control his illness have taken a toll on him. Small tremors in his hands were noticeable around six to eight years ago. Now the small tremors have erupted to the point where he walks with effort strains to speak and often needs to be fed by another person rather than feed himself.

It is gut wrenching to watch and frustrating to know that medications he has taken to alleviate the symptoms of schizophrenia have left the rest of his body weakened and unable to function in the way he would function if he didn’t need to take them.

There are things that can be done to cut back the symptoms he’s having–diet exercise rest etc. But the thing that would help him the most would be to cut back on the psychotropic medication he is taking. Unfortunately, he doesn’t want to do that and there lies the problem. I completely understand why he doesn’t want to–doesn’t sleep as well without the med–but there is very likely another medication he could take to help him sleep better and still cut back on the med that is causing the shaking.

I have been giving of my time and supporting him as much as I can but in some ways doing more than I should simply because I’m trying to save him.

And the truth is…I can’t save him.

So my friend said to me–you need to let go a bit. You can’t make him take his meds the way he needs to or control his illness. All we can do is know that we tried our best and the rest is not up to us.

And the hard pill to swallow is that the rest is not up to us.

The rest is not up to us.

Giving enough but not too much.

Letting go and letting life be as it is.

Knowing that we don’t know what is best for anyone but us and focusing on US.

Where do you know that you could let go and that you should let go?

Who do you have in your life who doesn’t have the same goal for themselves that you have for them?

Do you believe that your way is the best way and that you can strategically save another person?

This is not about beating us up–it’s about us living life; appreciating the others in life and gracefully living onward.

Giving enough but not too much allows others the dignity of living life on their terms.

When You Are Misjudged

Saturday, May 2nd, 2015

You will never please everyone ever.

You will find there are people who will misjudge you.

You will find there are people who will misinterpret things you say and do.

You will find there are people who speak ill of you to others.

There is not one thing you can do to change the mind of an individual who has misjudged you and/or refuses to speak to you.

Hold your head up and keep going.

Treat yourself with respect.

Treat others with respect.

Those who have misjudged you will either come around or they won’t. What they do or don’t do is their business; tend to your own business.

Live your life with dignity and grace and above all else do not allow the words of other people drag you down. Do the best you can and don’t worry about the rest.

No Contact

On Being Misjudged

Friday, August 8th, 2014

You will never please everyone all the time.

You will find that there are people who will misjudge you.

You will find that there are people who will misinterpret things you say and do.

You will find that there are people who speak ill of you to others.

There is not one thing you can do to change the mind of an individual who has misjudged you and refuses to speak to you.

Hold your head up and keep going.

Treat yourself with respect.

Treat others with respect.

Those who have misjudged you will either come around or they won’t. What they do or don’t do is their business, tend to your own business.

Live your life with dignity and grace and above all else do not allow yourself to be pushed around by others.

No Contact

Too Nice?

Monday, December 31st, 2012

From an early age we’re taught to be nice and play nice. Some of us learn this lesson very well. In fact, we tend to overlook poor behavior and/or physical/emotional abuse because we don’t believe we have the right to question things that are said or done.

There is a time for being nice and playing nice and yes, absolutely, we generally want to treat others with dignity and respect. But sometimes playing nice hurts and deeply affects not only us but our children and others we are close to. When we buy stock in the words and actions of a partner out of fear, intimidation, to have a roof over our head, or to keep our children clothed and fed we rob ourselves and families of dignity and hope for the present and the future.

Are you ever nice in order to keep people in your life?
Do you sometimes look the other way when you see an action or hear words that are not right or are cause for alarm?
Do you pretend that things are okay and go along with the status quo rather than take actions that may be uncomfortable but in the long run could help you?

I spent much of my life living in the too nice mode. I feared leaving or losing a partner because life without a partner was uncertain.The uncertainty of the future often kept me in the turmoil of the present. That present included people who behaved poorly and often mistreated me and my family. They were angry and frustrated and took their feelings out on others simply because they could get away with it.

Partners who hold you captive with words and actions hope you will continue to forgive them. They say sweet words when they believe you might leave. They might buy you nice things to distract and convince you it will never happen again.

But it usually does happen again in one way or another. You question whether what was done was really abuse. Maybe you’re just overreacting and things  aren’t that bad. Sometimes that is the case but pay attention to your gut; it knows.

Most of the time people who create havoc and craziness in relationships are damaged people who damage other people. They likely seek people they believe will lift their boundaries or discard them altogether.

When you live with the anything goes mentality you might question things that are said or done but usually go with the flow rather than disrupt it because you want to avoid confrontation. (more…)

A Mansion

Saturday, February 12th, 2011

If a man happens to find himself, he has a mansion which he can inhabit with dignity all the days of his life.   James A. Michener

More than a Haircut…

Sunday, June 20th, 2010

After work this past Friday I just knew I wouldn’t be going home until I got a haircut. I couldn’t stand it any more!! I was way past overdue and didn’t want to go home without one. Determined,  I set out to complete this task. I thought that perhaps Friday after 5 might not be the best time but figured it most likely wasn’t the worst either so stopped in at a local cut and go salon.

I walked in, put my name on the list, and was told my wait would be about 10 minutes. As I scanned the salon, there appeared to be three stylists working with other customers so I thanked her, sat down, relaxed, and opened a National Enquirer which I figured would be fun to read while I waited…

I don’t know if it was because I was so thoroughly engrossed in my reading or just brain dead after a long week but by the time I looked up at the clock it was pretty surprising to see that my 10 minute wait had turned into 30. I looked around and could see that the three stylists were still with the same customers–a couple of them sitting down right along with them chatting away!

I suddenly felt a wave of invisibility come over me. Did I exist? Was I really there waiting for a haircut? What the heck is going on? I thought–how much effort would it take for one of those stylists to come over or even look my way to let me know they hadn’t forgotten me and that someone would be with me shortly…

But that didn’t happen–even after steadily looking their way hoping for some eye contact. A few more minutes ticked by. I decided I was going to make my move: I was either going to stand up and ask how much longer or was going to walk out. I concluded that given the current situation, I was past the point of feeling this would be a satisfactory haircut experience. Even if they came up to me in the next 5 seconds I would most likely not be a happy customer because I felt ignored. So I got up, crossed my name off the list, and left. (more…)