Posts Tagged ‘destructive’

Full Engagement

Tuesday, April 4th, 2017

No ContactFull engagement in your own life is a must.

Your own interests

Your own plans, activities, friends and family.

The best relationship any of us ever has is the one we have with ourselves. If it is when we form a partnership with another person we will add to what we already have rather than take away from what we love in order to accommodate a new partner.

For those of us who are experienced with being in destructive relationships, we tend to let the other person dictate what we do and don’t do, where we go, who we see and don’t see, heck we even let partners decide what we eat!

When it comes right down to it all any of us have is ourselves. Other people will leave us either through divorce, break up, abandonment or death.

You have this great opportunity while living to take care of you. Love others as best you can but remember they are humans just like you. They don’t own you and no human will ever be your higher power.

Engaging in your own life first and foremost will bring you the peace of mind that will allow you to have strong relationships with others.

Destructive Construction

Sunday, August 2nd, 2015

We get into destructive relationships with other people places things

because we are looking for something outside ourselves that will make

us feel better about who we are. The construction of our being turns destructive.

We’ll feel better about who we are when we find what we need from within.

As we erect our solid foundation we are better equipped to contribute

to meaningful and rewarding relationships.

Other people add variety fun and emotional fulfillment.

They add spice and flavor.

You don’t need  people places and things who destroy what you’ve  constructed.

If you think you need what someone else has look deeper.

You have all you need.

We’re always going to be a work in progress.

We add onto take away from and fine tune our  state of being on a daily basis.

Keep the basic blueprint; it’s got you this far and won’t fail you.

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Woman Wants to Save her Sister

Tuesday, January 20th, 2015

Woman wants to save her sister from the pain of destructive relationships.

http://bit.ly/1u7FqL2

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Positive Self Talk

Friday, September 12th, 2014

Being in destructive relationships includes the one you’re in with yourself. When you have been put down, badgered, belittled, ignored, or physically, emotionally, mentally, or sexually abused, it is easy to believe that you cannot do anything right or are not as good as others.

It is easy to think this way because at some point in your life or maybe throughout life you have listened to others who have told you that you are some how defective or are missing something and because of this will always  fail.

If whatever you believe, whatever recording you play over and over in your mind is negative, that noise can be deafening.  Silence the noise by playing a new recording–one that is positive uplifting and accurate. Memorize this recording and play it loud. Write it out and stick it to a wall where you will see it every day.

Start playing the new recording today. Play it over and over until you believe it. When the old negative recording starts to creep back into your thoughts focus on drowning it out with the new vibrant positive one.

Instead of being your own worst enemy concentrate on being your best friend.

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Our Biggest Battles

Tuesday, August 19th, 2014

Our biggest battles are the ones we wage with ourselves.

We become frustrated, depressed, sad, and angry because of mistakes we’ve made

or ways in which we feel we’ve said or done the wrong things.

It’s much easier for us to forgive the actions of others or at the very least understand

the reasoning for what was said or done by someone else.

We downplay our accomplishments and wonder why no matter what we do or say it is

never enough.

We MUST celebrate our accomplishments no matter how small WE think they are.

If we don’t acknowledge the steps we take in life we will not see the value of what we do

and neither will anyone else.

Celebrate for yourself.

Acknowledgement is powerful.

We are here a short time and the more we celebrate

the sweeter the journey.

Stand up for yourself always. Wage battle only when necessary.

Be kind–especially kind to you.

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For Her, Destructive Relationships Desirable

Wednesday, July 2nd, 2014

I once read an open question over the web where a young woman asks if it’s self-destructive to try and get into destructive relationships.

She feels that nice guys are a total turn off but the ones who treat her poorly are quite desirable.

She wanted to know is this is considered self-destructive.

She got three answers to her question and each answer affirmed that yes, this is definitely not healthy!

Why would anyone choose to be treated like a doormat?

Why would you choose, if given a choice, a cruel and disrespectful person over a decent kind and nurturing type?

Some where along the line I suppose you choose pain because anything else seems foreign.

Here’s the full text of the open question: http://yhoo.it/buF7EU

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Don’t Let Digs Get You Down

Tuesday, May 27th, 2014

If someone throws a dig at you face the remark squarely.

If someone throws a dig your way, ask the questions you need to ask.

You will lose sleep, get depressed, get down on yourself if you don’t get to the bottom of whatever it is that was said.

The worst question is the one not asked.

Relationships are ruined by things that are left unsaid and in particular, the unasked questions.

If you don’t get an answer press to get one.

If it’s not safe to press, question why you are still around.

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If it’s not safe to press you are likely not where you need to be.

 

Partner Dynamics that Could Spell Trouble

Sunday, April 13th, 2014

This isn’t an all inclusive list of traits associated with partners but it gives an example of the dynamic that can play out in these relationships:

Partner #1                                       Partner #2

Overpowers                                     Accommodates

Forces will on others                       Builds others up, encourages, supportive

Self-serving                                      Selfless

Fast Talkers                                     Good Listeners

Charismatic                                      Passive, Unsure

Take Charge                                    Defer to Others

Shows Confidence                           Self-Conscious

Opportunistic                                   Altruistic

Rule Breaker                                    Rule Enforcer

Emotionally Flat                               Emotionally Expressive

Anti-Social                                       Sociable

Emotionally Unavailable                  Available

Not much hope for success in a relationship with these two partners. Always wise to pay attention to partner traits early on and address them. Allowing the dynamic to continue is a recipe for misery.

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Self Soothing

Thursday, January 2nd, 2014

I used to spend a lot of time crying over men. I didn’t know the first thing about self soothing. I cried when I thought I’d done or said the wrong thing. Or he said or did something I felt wounded by. Or the relationship hit a bump or more than a bump and had fallen into a deep dark hole and was over. With these relationship upsets I did the two things I knew how to do:  become anxious and then cry.

I didn’t know how to calm my emotions without stirring them up into a frenzy first. I wasn’t aware that accepting my life even if it wasn’t what I wanted was healthier for me.

I have a vivid recollection of one of the last times I cried my head off over a man. Back in 2003 I sat in my car at a day park parking lot. The rain was pouring down on the car roof while I sat inside crying my eyes out. It was pathetic and deep down I knew it. I also knew that all the crying was hurting me rather than helping. The only benefit was that after crying in enough different relationship situations I realized I was wasting my time and energy.

I wasn’t a drinker, didn’t take drugs, gamble or have any of the usual addictive behaviors but was addicted nonetheless. I was addicted to suffering over relationships. I got enough out of bawling my head off that on a very basic level it worked. I got to feel self pity and relief when I’d finally cried myself out.  Yet crying isn’t a problem solving tactic in adulthood and it’s certainly not soothing. Whereas it’s a reflex for infants and small children when it comes to adult relationships it is a strong indicator of love addiction.

As adults we’re suppose to know that just because we want something doesn’t mean we’re going to get it or that just because we feel we’re deserving of a certain way of life, we’re going to have it in the here and now.

That’s when self soothing comes in handy.

Ways to Self Soothe

Listen to beautiful and soothing music

Have a special treat or meal. Eat it slowly savoring each bite.

Drink a warm drink like herbal tea.

Take a walk in a pretty area or go to a museum. Buy a flower or bouquet and put it where you’ll see it.

Take a bubble bath or pet your dog or cat. Put on a soft shirt or sink into a comfortable chair or bed.

Take in the smells around you–fry some bacon, bake bread, cookies, a cake. Smell coffee brewing. Light a scented candle.

If you look at relationship loss or single status as being part of your current life circumstances and guard against projecting what you wished you had you’ll be more accepting of your life in the here and now.

No Contact

 

She Chooses Destructive Relationships

Saturday, September 28th, 2013

I once read an open question over the web where a young woman asks if it’s self-destructive to try and get into destructive relationships.

She feels that nice guys are a total turn off but the ones who treat her poorly are quite desirable.

She wanted to know is this is considered self-destructive.

She got three answers to her question and each answer affirmed that yes, this is definitely not healthy!

Why would anyone choose to be treated like a doormat?

Why would you choose, if given a choice, a cruel and disrespectful person over a decent kind and nurturing type?

Some where along the line I suppose you choose pain because anything else seems foreign.

Here’s the full text of the open question: http://yhoo.it/buF7EU

No Contact