Posts Tagged ‘decisions’

Take More Time to Pay Attention in Conversations with Others

Friday, February 8th, 2013

If we take more time to pay attention to our thoughts when in conversations with others we’re less likely to have conversations with abusers and in turn develop relationships with them. If a small voice inside you warns you, listen to the warning.

Celebrate Small Steps

Thursday, February 7th, 2013

Celebrate and focus on the small steps you take each day as you move forward. Minimize the setbacks.

Starting Point

Tuesday, February 5th, 2013

Arriving at one point is the starting point of another. –John Dewey

Getting Burned & Life Lessons

Tuesday, December 4th, 2012

One time when my oldest son was two I was standing at the kitchen stove just starting dinner.  I turned the front burner on. My son came up to the stove and I told him “Hot don’t touch, it will hurt. No!”

He looked at me and said “Hot!”

I said “That’s right, hot!”

He looked at the burner then looked at me, looked at the burner, then looked at me again.  With no warning what-so-ever he firmly placed his hand right on it! In the same instant came his blood curdling scream and me picking him up. I dashed out of the kitchen him in my arms to take care of the burn repeating, “Hot, hot, I told you hot!”

Well, I may have told him hot but he didn’t understand hot until he felt hot on his hand! He definitely learned about hot after that incident. Fortunately the stove burner wasn’t on high or even medium heat but it was hot enough to burn his hand and as a result he never touched a stove burner again.

Lesson learned. Stove burners are hot. Place your hand on one and you’ll get burned.

For me, there have been situations in my life where it took more than one experience to learn a lesson. There have been times when despite red flags, warnings, and incidents where it was clear I needed to pay attention, I repeatedly didn’t learn.  Instead I wished and hoped and prayed things would work out.  I often ignored my gut instincts opting to second guess myself instead. So it went like this:

Lesson not learned. Repeat lesson.

Lesson not learned. Repeat lesson again…

I would rather confidently say, I know what is best for me

than after the fact say…

I was afraid that would happen!

Or

I’m not comfortable with that

rather than…

Oh, I guess it will be okay.

When we think about what we want, we really do know.

And if we really are unsure in a given situation then what we’re really saying is no.

How many times does it take to learn one life lesson?

As many times as we allow it to take.

There are some lessons we don’t want to repeat more than once because these lessons take a toll on us.

So the next time you come into contact with a hot burner and you’ve already felt the pain pay attention to the voice that tells you to turn your back and walk away.

 

Second Chances

Monday, December 3rd, 2012

Every second a seeker can start over, for his life’s mistakes are initial drafts and not the final version.  — Sri Chinmoy

Delivering Bad News

Monday, September 10th, 2012

Delivering bad news is never something we can’t wait to do and I don’t mean news re: the death of a loved one or re: illness. The type of bad news I’m referring to is the type where people lose the opportunity to benefit or gain in some way. This might be the loss of a new job, project, manager, client. It might be the loss of a promotion, money gifts, awards, government benefits, tenancy, property or another tangible. It might also be the loss of a relationship.

It’s hard to be the one whether professionally or personally who tells another person they’re not going to get something they want or that you no longer want the other person in your life. Being on the receiving end of this type of news can be devastating but what is worse is not getting the news first hand from the person who should be responsible for giving it.

Say you’re in a relationship and your partner just disappears. You receive no warning, no goodbye no nice knowing you, they’re just gone. You wonder and maybe imagine all sorts of things happened. You look for them or make countless phone calls but in the end you’re left with more than a few unknowns. (more…)

Courage to say NO!

Monday, August 27th, 2012

We need to find the courage to say NO to the things and people that are not serving us if we want to rediscover ourselves and live our lives with authenticity.   Barbara De Angelis

You Might Love ‘Em but Do You Like ‘Em?

Wednesday, August 8th, 2012

Have you ever felt that although you feel love for your partner you really don’t like him or her?

You sure wouldn’t be alone.

It is not uncommon at times to dislike a partner–even a nice partner who treats you well. They could be having a bad day and/or are stressed or maybe both of you are out of sorts, that happens.  However if you’ve had or have a partner who is none too nice to begin with life can be hard on a regular basis.

Yesterday I went with my son to a local retail outlet to exchange an item. In front of us was another customer making a return. He tells the clerk he needs to exchange what he bought because his girlfriend’s idiot son broke it (fortunately neither the girlfriend or her son were with him.)

I immediately felt sorry for his girlfriend and her son. I wondered about this guy and how truly loving he could be to either of them. I thought well maybe she loves the guy but how easy is he to like?

There are things that eat away at people for sure but one of the hardest to take day in and out are the jabbing stabbing cruel things people say to those they are closest to. If this man referred to his gf’s child as an idiot to a stranger how would he address him at home?

A piggy bank comes to mind. When someone says something nice they deposit a coin. After enough coins get deposited and the bank is full they break it open and treat themselves. On the other hand, if cruel words are said a coin is taken out. If the cruel words outnumber the nice ones that bank isn’t going to fill up anytime soon.

How is it possible to like let alone love a person who is cruel to you, your children, your parents, siblings, friends, co-workers, or pets?  Words sting. You can pretend that words don’t hurt but deep down you”re not fooling anyone and especially not fooling yourself. Eventually love fades and is replaced by a ton of anger and resentment.

You don’t need it and neither do your loved ones.

So what do you do?

For starters you stop taking it.

Let the person know it’s not okay and you will no longer put up with it.

If it continues it’s up to you to decide if you can live another day or more the way you’re living now. Decide if it’s worth your health and that of your family.

As always, if you are in a violent relationship please seek the advice of a professional before making changes in your current situation.

National Domestic Violence Hotline  1-800-799-SAFE.

 

 

 

Cheaters

Monday, July 23rd, 2012

Cheaters are out there in full force. They may cheat out of desperation or feel they must cheat because not to takes too much time. Sometimes people cheat because they can’t help themselves. Whatever the reason, cheating will eventually catch up with them and when it does lives may be shattered and/or relationships broken beyond repair.

If you are involved with a cheater whether through business or in a personal relationship there is one of three ways you’ll discover the wrongdoing. They will either tell you to your face , you will discover it on your own, or someone else will step forward.

Once you know, your job is to decide what you are going to do about it.

For some the decision is easy–they get out. Maybe they’ve been suspicious for awhile and had enough time to process their decision.

Others are blindsided. They didn’t see it coming so aren’t immediately sure what their course of action will be. Only when they get their bearings do they decide what they will do.

Some people discover the cheating but choose to stay involved. This decision can be made because they choose to ignore the violation, feel they have too much invested emotionally and/or financially to leave or because they face the cheating head on and choose to work through the issues.

Whatever route you take one thing is for sure–cheating will change your life. Even when people choose to ignore cheating it takes energy to hold that violation deep inside. Don’t kid yourself, there won’t be too many days when you don’t wonder if and when it will happen again.

Next time:  You and the Cheater

 

High Profile Domestic Victim

Tuesday, July 17th, 2012

http://exm.nr/NosQEZ