Posts Tagged ‘decision’

Rolling Around With Bad People

Sunday, September 3rd, 2017

No ContactWhen you choose to become involved with any new person it’s always your decision to do so.

When you roll around with a person who at first presented as a good person then you discover is really a bad person and yet you continue to stay with this person in hopes they will get better, be nicer, and not hurt you, it is always your decision to do so.

And after you’ve had enough go arounds with this person which could be months years or decades and you decide to leave this person it is again your decision to do so.

Then When this person comes to you begging for forgiveness promising they will change their ways and behave better, be kinder, straighten up their act, stop lying, cheating, and doing other bad things it is your decision to start rolling around with them again or stay away from them for good.

It is not about them.

It is not about anything that they do, say, act upon, manipulate, cause harm to, or destroy.

It is only ever about you and at the beginning, the very beginning, listening to what they say about who they are because they will tell you exactly who they are if you really listen and ask the hard questions.

It is about you listening to your inner voice, the one deep inside you telling you in the very beginning that something is off.

It is about you not second guessing your inner being who knows and loves you and wants only the very best for you. When you second guess you it’s because you let your ego take over and the ego is not the part of you that has the deep sense of who you are.

It must become automatic to listen to your inner being and follow it,learn from it, love it, believe in it and more than anything…trust it because it is on your side. Any new person you meet doesn’t know you and has no history with you. The only way you will get to know any new person is to spend time with them, engage in conversation with them, and ask them the hard questions. You will learn by getting to know them what those hard questions are.

Be kind to you and others will start showing up in your life who will do the same.

Assume Nothing

Saturday, October 29th, 2016

Assume nothing when it comes to other people, situations, circumstances involving others, opportunities, business dealings etc.

You simply don’t have enough information to assume that you know everything there is to know when it involves anything or anyone outside yourself.

As a salesperson I have caught myself thinking that I can read my customers and almost to a one I am wrong.

You don’t know the back story about any person before you meet them. You don’t know the series of decisions they made before getting to the point where your paths crossed. You don’t know anything about them yet every day people assume a lot at surface level about others. When you first meet another individual all you’ve got to go on is the physical presence of the person standing before you–a visual.

Would you buy a house without going through the front door and walking around the perimeter?

Would you buy a new car without opening the door, sitting in the driver’s seat, putting the key in the ignition and going for a test drive?

A house and a car are two of the biggest purchases we make and if we do our due diligence we stand a much better chance of making a positive decision than if we don’t.

As a business owner, I conduct new employee interviews. The interviews I wonder most about are the ones I never have. The applicant doesn’t show up and they don’t call to tell me they are not going to show up. I end up wasting valuable and precious productive time on a person who must have assumed something about the outcome, their interest level, or the employer and didn’t want to bother.

In life the only time you can assume anything is when it directly relates to you and even then your decision is based only on your past actions and reactions.

When you assume you just may be missing out–on valuable learning experiences, wonderful people and fantastic opportunities.

On the house–Walking through the door is a must.

On the car–The test drive speaks volumes.

On the interview–You may surprise yourself.

Assume nothing.

No Contact

Grasping at Straws

Monday, October 12th, 2015

When grasping at straws you’ll just grab up any old straw in hopes that it will save you.

Be purposeful in your search for direction.

If you don’t do the work you won’t reap the benefits.

Making a sound decision usually doesn’t come when you’re desperate because at the point of desperation you won’t have enough information or resources to help you.

Select your straws carefully knowing at the end of the day that you did your best to move forward with steadfastness.

No Contact

 

Take a Leap

Thursday, September 25th, 2014

A few years back a friend gave me some advice about taking a leap in terms of a decision I’d been pondering for some time. When I make a big decision I like to get information–as much as possible because I want to be sure that at the end of the day I’m satisfied that I’ve done my homework. Venturing into unknown territory is something I don’t take lightly yet I have to admit that over the past 10 years I’ve spent quite a bit of time doing just that.

If you’re contemplating a change have done your homework and feel that you’ve got your questions answered yet still struggle to make a yes or no decision maybe the following will help:

When you dip your toe into a pool to test the temperature you can’t be sure that the water is the same temperature two feet below the surface but you have to trust in your experience that it usually is and take the leap.

No Contact

Stop Short

Saturday, February 8th, 2014

Have you ever decided to stop short?

Years ago I remember talking with a dear friend who told me about her time in college.

She was a good student and loved her major which was teacher education.

She told me about how she studied hard but in the end decided not to finish her degree.

She was three credit hours shy of finishing and decided not to continue.

She stopped short.

At first when she told me I thought, all that work not to see it through to completion…

She guessed what I was thinking and told me she was okay with the decision as she knew at the time it was the right thing to do and was at peace with it.

We all stop short sometimes.

Like when you’re in a conversation with a friend and planned on saying something, were on the verge of saying it but didn’t.

You think better of it. Decide that either the timing is off or think what you were going to say is better left unsaid.

I’ve done it.

Or when you’re headed out the door to a particular destination and decide not to go.

Done it.

Or when you apply for a job, want the job, need the job, get the job but decide not to take it.

Done it.

Or when you apply to get into a degree program, work like a dog to pull together the application materials, turn it all in and are accepted into the program but then withdraw.

I’ve done that too…

Green light decisions that turn red.

There’s a reason we stop short.

Clarity we either didn’t see in the first place or didn’t acknowledge until after the fact.

Maybe we thought it would be cool to do or have whatever we decided on but don’t think about whether or not we can actually live with taking the action.

Some decisions are huge and effect us the rest of our lives–like marriage.¬† Couples decide to get married even though they’re either not ready or not at all sure about one another. Only after they’ve walked down the aisle and the excitement has died down do they see the decision was a mistake.

We have to get past yes to see no.

We have to be on the yes side of the decision and try it on for size to fully see if it is the right thing to do. And if it’s not, we’ve got to trust our instincts and put on the brakes and/or pull out.

Sometimes it’s the right thing to do.

No Contact

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Leap of Faith in Love

Friday, March 29th, 2013

This is a short article that gives some very wise advice.

http://bit.ly/11TzImw

 

You and the Cheater

Tuesday, July 24th, 2012

You already know you have a cheater in your life. The pain of discovery can be devastating but you know about the cheating and must face it.

You may have mixed feelings about what you’re going to do next.

You may take time away from the cheater to gather your thoughts and determine your course of action. You may leave the cheater immediately ending the partnership or relationship.

Whatever your decision is there are a few things you need to do quickly:

Accept that this happened.

Face the role  if any that you played.

Take care of yourself.

Really take care of yourself. Do what you need to do to make your life easier right now. The road ahead will be bumpy and it’s important that you are grounded and secure in who you are as a person. It will do no good to feel sorry for yourself day in and day out–that’s not what I mean. You need to eat healthy, get as much sleep as you can and be around people who support and nurture you.

Only when you feel better and stronger are you in a position to make the best decisions you can for you and your family if that’s part of the scenario.

Once you have made your decision approach the cheater and let him/her what you decide. If safety is a factor and it’s not safe to approach this person then don’t.

Run your course of action by someone you trust. If you feel you need to seek professional counseling do so.

Don’t cheat yourself by accepting the cheater back into your life without creating establishing and sticking to your boundaries. The cheater needs to know exactly where you stand. There is no guarantee that you will never have to deal with cheating again but you significantly increase the odds that you won’t by establishing clear boundaries.

Next: Avoiding Cheaters/Cheating in the Future