Posts Tagged ‘crying’

Give Yourself Grace

Wednesday, July 16th, 2014

When you show a smile though inside you cry–

Give yourself grace

When your bank accounts low and your bills are high–

Give yourself grace

When dinner is late and the kids are crying–

Give yourself grace

When your mate is brooding and he thinks it’s your fault–

Give yourself grace

We give to others without batting an eye

We fear if we don’t we’ll be left high and dry

When we don’t give ourselves the gift of our grace

We’ll feel completely worn out by the end of the day

Life isn’t easy so don’t beat yourself up

Because when you do it’s a sign you’re giving up–on YOU!

You’re worth your own grace

It’s the one gift you and only you can give to yourself

This post is dedicated to my friend Gail who continues to teach me about giving myself grace.

No Contact

Power Distribution in Relationships

Sunday, January 26th, 2014

When you’re in a relationship where the distribution of power is lopsided, the person with little or no power becomes even more powerless by silencing their own voice. You don’t intentionally stop talking. There is a freeze that happens. You have trouble gathering your thoughts and speaking up when in communication with the person you see as having more power than you. Remember–they have more power only because you have turned your power over to them. When trying to communicate¬† with a person you have given your power to: take a breath and gather your thoughts; make eye contact; say what you need to say; keep it brief. The more you speak up; the more confident you will be. People who are power mongers are not typically good listeners. They’ll look down, walk away, do something else, but not usually interested in listening to anyone other than themselves. Don’t chase after them to have a conversation. Chasing is like begging–begging for time and attention. As you speak up and reclaim your power you will decide if it is worth your time to communicate with this person. You are responsible for your life and the direction it will take. If you are not safe to have a conversation with the other person and reclaim your power please seek help. No Contact

Self Soothing

Thursday, January 2nd, 2014

I used to spend a lot of time crying over men. I didn’t know the first thing about self soothing. I cried when I thought I’d done or said the wrong thing. Or he said or did something I felt wounded by. Or the relationship hit a bump or more than a bump and had fallen into a deep dark hole and was over. With these relationship upsets I did the two things I knew how to do:¬† become anxious and then cry.

I didn’t know how to calm my emotions without stirring them up into a frenzy first. I wasn’t aware that accepting my life even if it wasn’t what I wanted was healthier for me.

I have a vivid recollection of one of the last times I cried my head off over a man. Back in 2003 I sat in my car at a day park parking lot. The rain was pouring down on the car roof while I sat inside crying my eyes out. It was pathetic and deep down I knew it. I also knew that all the crying was hurting me rather than helping. The only benefit was that after crying in enough different relationship situations I realized I was wasting my time and energy.

I wasn’t a drinker, didn’t take drugs, gamble or have any of the usual addictive behaviors but was addicted nonetheless. I was addicted to suffering over relationships. I got enough out of bawling my head off that on a very basic level it worked. I got to feel self pity and relief when I’d finally cried myself out.¬† Yet crying isn’t a problem solving tactic in adulthood and it’s certainly not soothing. Whereas it’s a reflex for infants and small children when it comes to adult relationships it is a strong indicator of love addiction.

As adults we’re suppose to know that just because we want something doesn’t mean we’re going to get it or that just because we feel we’re deserving of a certain way of life, we’re going to have it in the here and now.

That’s when self soothing comes in handy.

Ways to Self Soothe

Listen to beautiful and soothing music

Have a special treat or meal. Eat it slowly savoring each bite.

Drink a warm drink like herbal tea.

Take a walk in a pretty area or go to a museum. Buy a flower or bouquet and put it where you’ll see it.

Take a bubble bath or pet your dog or cat. Put on a soft shirt or sink into a comfortable chair or bed.

Take in the smells around you–fry some bacon, bake bread, cookies, a cake. Smell coffee brewing. Light a scented candle.

If you look at relationship loss or single status as being part of your current life circumstances and guard against projecting what you wished you had you’ll be more accepting of your life in the here and now.

No Contact


Feeling Discouraged & Second Guessing

Wednesday, February 13th, 2013

You’ve decided on a goal, something you want to do or be. You’re excited and have done your due diligence and are confident enough to move forward. Then something happens, you become discouraged and start to second guess yourself.

It could be something small like a look or gesture from someone else. It could be a little bigger like another person telling you your idea won’t work or that there are too many others who have tried and failed. It could be something bigger like a test failure or failure to get a job interview.

It could be something much bigger like a financial setback or denial of a loan or rejected by a school program or employer.

It could be anything.

Just because you have a setback doesn’t mean your original plan was fraught with errors and it definitely doesn’t mean you should give up. It just means that following the path you’ve chosen is challenging and hard work.

Now is where it gets interesting. It’s time to buckle down and problem solve. There are ways to solve the problem that is currently standing in your way. Think of at least five ways to solve it. Map it out. Talk it out. Get the opinion of someone you trust who won’t discourage you.

Don’t give up!

Overcoming Depression

Sunday, February 10th, 2013

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