Posts Tagged ‘consideration’

The Next Time

Saturday, March 7th, 2015

The next time you’re concerned about what he thinks

Give as much thought as to what you think.

What you think is equally important.

You have to live with each decision you make.

He isn’t impacted in the same way you are.

If you like the dress, the shirt the pants–wear it.

If you feel strongly about preparing a certain meal, do it.

If you want to go to a movie that he isn’t interested in

let him know that you still want to go and go.

Doesn’t mean you’re no fun.

Doesn’t mean you don’t care.

Doesn’t mean anything but that you want to see a certain movie

And he doesn’t want to go.

You are you first and foremost and need to recognize that.

You are you until your last day on earth and you are a

blessing to those who love you just as you are.

No Contact

 

 

Be Kind to Your Kids

Monday, September 17th, 2012

Be kind to your kids. When they become adults they will tell you what you need to do and how you should act and what you’re doing wrong etc. And more often than not they will be right.

The kinder and more forgiving you are to them as you raise them the more likely they will be the same with you as you age.

I cringe when I see parents who are gruff with their  young children. If they would only realize their words will come back to bite them.

Children mimic what they see and how they are treated.

 

Delivering Bad News

Monday, September 10th, 2012

Delivering bad news is never something we can’t wait to do and I don’t mean news re: the death of a loved one or re: illness. The type of bad news I’m referring to is the type where people lose the opportunity to benefit or gain in some way. This might be the loss of a new job, project, manager, client. It might be the loss of a promotion, money gifts, awards, government benefits, tenancy, property or another tangible. It might also be the loss of a relationship.

It’s hard to be the one whether professionally or personally who tells another person they’re not going to get something they want or that you no longer want the other person in your life. Being on the receiving end of this type of news can be devastating but what is worse is not getting the news first hand from the person who should be responsible for giving it.

Say you’re in a relationship and your partner just disappears. You receive no warning, no goodbye no nice knowing you, they’re just gone. You wonder and maybe imagine all sorts of things happened. You look for them or make countless phone calls but in the end you’re left with more than a few unknowns. (more…)

Loved Ones Taking a Back Seat to New Relationships

Tuesday, January 24th, 2012

This should never happen but it happens every day. It happened to me once and although it took longer than it should have I shook myself out of the daze I was in and woke up.

Those of us who find ourselves in relationships we become compulsive about talk ourselves into believing these relationships are healthy and good for us. We can’t see or refuse to see that we don’t have our priorities straight.

We think about what we want right now.

We think we must make our new relationship partner our number one priority or we’ll lose them.

If the only way to maintain a new relationship is to put everyone else in our lives on the back burner we’re preparing a recipe for disaster. It’s not necessary to let a new person monopolize our thoughts and time and if this is what we do we’re not ready for that new relationship.

We’re off balance. We’re looking for companionship at the cost of our loved ones. We stand to lose respect from our children, parents, siblings, friends, the new person, and us.

When I experienced this and forced myself to pay attention, I could feel the despair in my heart and see it in the eyes of my children.

If you have experienced urgent intimacy you know it’s a tough spot to be in but at the same time you also know you don’t have to be there. We make this choice and we can just as easily decide to take our time rather than  speed up the process.

New relationship partners worth having will respect us if we respect and value the relationships we already have in our lives. There’s no need to create urgent intimacy. There is a need to nurture our current relationships and grow new ones over time.

Have you experienced urgent intimacy? What are your thoughts about this?

How You Treat Others

Thursday, December 15th, 2011

Never lose sight of the fact that the most important yardstick of your success will be how you treat other people – your family, your friends, and co-workers, and even strangers you meet along the way.    — Barbara Bush

Talk is Not Cheap in Relationships

Wednesday, December 14th, 2011

You’ve most likely heard the expression talk is cheap. It definitely doesn’t apply to relationships. If anything it’s a commodity. Without talk a relationship is destined to die.

Sometimes, especially in the beginning, talk is hard to come by. People feel their way as they create conversation in order to find common ground. Some conversations last just a few seconds, simple words, light and breezy. Others can be meatier and last hours.

Talk is good.  Not necessarily idle chatter but sincere communication heals our souls and keeps the brain active and stimulated.

Talking about common interests, activities, current events, ideas, travel, dreams, goals, and plans usually put people at ease. When it gets right down to it, all of our relationships are a series of conversations.

Great relationships don’t just happen–they’re created and one of the primary ingredients is talk. Talk is wonderful music to the ears. It has great value. It’s like physical exercise—the more you do the better you get and the more you look forward to it.

If you find it tough to involve another person in conversation, keep trying. As the conversation starts to flow,  you’ll become more comfortable and start looking forward to it. If you run across someone who seems turned off by a meaningful exchange take note of it. If you are dating and conversation comes hard a safe bet is to ask the other person about themselves–most people love to talk about their views activities hobbies etc. Guard against overwhelming your partner. Too much question and answer conversation for hours at a time is too much to deal with. Shorter meaningful conversations have a greater impact over time.

To keep a relationship going keep the lines of communication flowing.

Pleasing Us First

Monday, September 5th, 2011

We learn that it is desirable to please other people. In fact, for some of us, pleasing others is more important than pleasing us.

We believe that when we please others it makes everything right and good in the world.

The road less traveled is the one where we do the right thing for us. That may mean leaving an unhealthy partnership or leaving work that is not right for us.

Many people choose to stay in poor relationships or unhealthy employment. They weigh the pros and cons and decide that it is worth it to do so. The decision to do either is an important choice that should be given careful consideration.

Should You Keep Your Relationship?

Friday, November 5th, 2010

http://bit.ly/bCVJzc

Change

Monday, September 27th, 2010

It’s not so much that we’re afraid of change or so in love with old ways, but it’s that place in between that we fear….It’s like being between trapezes. It’s Linus when his blanket is in the dryer. There’s nothing to hold onto.

Marilyn Ferguson

The Importance of Caring in Relationships

Tuesday, August 3rd, 2010

There are times when it feels like no one cares–even those people who have  committed to caring about us act at times as if they don’t.

How important is it that we sense that others we care about care about us?

Pretty darn important.

How long would you continue on in a relationship if the person you’re with didn’t show an inkling of caring toward you? Would it be hard to muster up the ability to care for them? How long could you pull off genuine caring behavior for another person who consistently ignored dismissed or was simply unaware of your needs?

Say you got caught in a downpour and your partner pulled out their umbrella but told you to get your own.

Wonder if you came home after working a 10 hour shift and your partner who had been at home relaxing all day asked you to fix dinner–would you rush to the kitchen and proceed to to knock out a four course meal?

Maybe you’re on a walk with your partner and you come across a $10 bill.   You pick it up and while holding it in your hand they grab it and say “hey, great, thanks!” Then proceed to stuff it in their pocket without batting an eye! Would this give you a stabbing feeling in your gut–or would you just shrug it off?

When someone close to you feels a certain level of comfort in your presence their true colors emerge and sometimes the picture isn’t too bright. How quickly vibrant hues become lifeless and dull and what’s amazing is the change you feel toward them happens in a matter of seconds. The question is what do you do?

When you stop to think about it, this person has given you a gift. You’ve just received a glimpse of what the future holds. If it’s a new relationship–wow, what a time saver. It’s wonderful! Is there any doubt what your next action will be?

But say you’ve already determined that this is someone you want to  commit to or this is a long term partner or a spouse? Then what? Do you shove the hurt deep down inside as quickly as possible and work to erase any residual affects?

Well, denial works–for awhile. But the fact that you notice the slight, the insult, the total inappropriateness of an action means you’re aware and once you’re aware you know there is potential for more of the same. You’ve got to act!

You’ve got to say “what the heck are you doing?”  Or, “no I won’t fix dinner I’m tired!”  Or “excuse me, I found it, it’s mine!”

You call it like you see it. You’ve got to!

And, if you continue to see major red lights flashing you take another action–you leave. Ongoing acts of rudeness, cruelty, disrespect, inconsideration, or endangerment signal a conscious choice and if another person is consciously and consistently telling you through their words or actions that they don’t care, they don’t.