Posts Tagged ‘compassion’

Be Kind to Your Kids

Monday, September 17th, 2012

Be kind to your kids. When they become adults they will tell you what you need to do and how you should act and what you’re doing wrong etc. And more often than not they will be right.

The kinder and more forgiving you are to them as you raise them the more likely they will be the same with you as you age.

I cringe when I see parents who are gruff with their  young children. If they would only realize their words will come back to bite them.

Children mimic what they see and how they are treated.

 

Stinking Thinking, Rules for Being Human, & Risking

Thursday, May 17th, 2012

I was looking through some of my online favorites and ran across this website. I think there is some interesting reading here, I hope you agree.

http://joy2meu.com/column.htm

Loved Ones Taking a Back Seat to New Relationships

Tuesday, January 24th, 2012

This shouldn’t happen but it happens every day. It happened to me once and although it took longer than it should have I shook myself out of the daze I was in and woke up.

Those of us who find ourselves in relationships we become compulsive about talk ourselves into believing these relationships are healthy. We can’t see or refuse to see that we don’t have our priorities straight.

We think about what we want right now.

We think we must make our new relationship partner our number one priority or we’ll lose them.

If the only way to maintain a new relationship is to put everyone else in our lives on the back burner we’re preparing a recipe for disaster. It’s not necessary to let a new person monopolize our thoughts and time and if this is what we do we’re not ready for that new relationship.

We’re off balance. We’re looking for companionship at the cost of our loved ones. We stand to lose respect from our children, parents, siblings, friends, the new person, and us.

When I experienced this and forced myself to pay attention, I could feel the despair in my heart and see it in the eyes of my children.

If you have experienced urgent intimacy you know it’s a tough spot to be in but at the same time you also know you don’t have to be there. We make this choice and we can just as easily decide to take our time rather than  speed up the process.

New relationship partners worth having will respect us if we respect and value the relationships we already have in our lives. There’s no need to create urgent intimacy. There is a need to nurture our current relationships and grow new ones over time.

Have you experienced urgent intimacy? What are your thoughts about this?

Talk is Not Cheap in Relationships

Wednesday, December 14th, 2011

You’ve most likely heard the expression talk is cheap. It definitely doesn’t apply to relationships. If anything it’s a commodity. Without talk a relationship is destined to die.

Sometimes, especially in the beginning, talk is hard to come by. People feel their way as they create conversation in order to find common ground. Some conversations last just a few seconds, simple words, light and breezy. Others can be meatier and last hours.

Talk is good.  Not necessarily idle chatter but sincere communication heals our souls and keeps the brain active and stimulated.

Talking about common interests, activities, current events, ideas, travel, dreams, goals, and plans usually put people at ease. When it gets right down to it, all of our relationships are a series of conversations.

Great relationships don’t just happen–they’re created and one of the primary ingredients is talk. Talk is wonderful music to the ears. It has great value. It’s like physical exercise—the more you do the better you get and the more you look forward to it.

If you find it tough to involve another person in conversation, keep trying. As the conversation starts to flow,  you’ll become more comfortable and start looking forward to it. If you run across someone who seems turned off by a meaningful exchange take note of it. If you are dating and conversation comes hard a safe bet is to ask the other person about themselves–most people love to talk about their views activities hobbies etc. Guard against overwhelming your partner. Too much question and answer conversation for hours at a time is too much to deal with. Shorter meaningful conversations have a greater impact over time.

To keep a relationship going keep the lines of communication flowing.

Waiting

Monday, June 20th, 2011

I realized today how short life really is. It goes by in the blink of an eye…

If we wait too long to treat ourselves with love and compassion we may forget to do it altogether. No kidding, it happens.

I bought myself a mirror for my blank living room wall this past weekend. I’d been staring at that blank wall four years and decided it was time for a change; time to give that wall a focal point. I’d been waiting and thinking about the right thing and then decided I may never find the right thing and what the wall needed was something, anything; so I bought a mirror, hung it up and it looks great!

I tend to wait way too long to do simple things for myself. After I bought my first computer it took me three months to take it out of the box. Three months! I kept thinking… I’ve got to read the instructions and I want to understand all this new information… but really, I just wanted to savor every moment. I looked forward to taking each component out of its box and reading each instruction.  This wasn’t rocket science but I needed to feel that all conditions were right in my mind before I opened the boxes and set it up. .

I bought a pair of boots for myself a couple of years ago. I absolutely loved those boots yet it took me four months to actually wear them.  Every morning I’d see them in the closet and thought about wearing them but then would decide it wasn’t the right time or I didn’t have the right clothes or the weather conditions weren’t quite right…it was always something until one day I thought, if not now, when? So, I put them on, they fit like a glove, and I’ve been wearing them ever since.

I’m learning that it’s okay to treat myself well. Nothing bad is going to happen if I bring myself a little joy.  The sky won’t fall and all will be well but it’s been  a learning process for me to get past all the waiting. Maybe I love the anticipation… The most recent PC I bought was actually up and running the day it was delivered to the door although my son had quite a bit to do with that. He said, Mom come on, lets just set it up now and not wait. And he was right; why wait? No reason to deprive myself or him of something we could enjoy now instead of later.

As I said, I’m learning.

Stupidity

Sunday, June 27th, 2010

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are so confident while the intelligent are full of doubt.

— Bertrand Russell

A stupid person should keep silent. But if he knew this, he would not be a stupid person.

—  Muslih-ud-Din Saadi

Love and Kindness

Monday, June 21st, 2010

Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make a difference. They bless the one who receives them, and they bless you, the giver.   – Barbara De Angelis

More than a Haircut…

Sunday, June 20th, 2010

After work this past Friday I just knew I wouldn’t be going home until I got a haircut. I couldn’t stand it any more!! I was way past overdue and didn’t want to go home without one. Determined,  I set out to complete this task. I thought that perhaps Friday after 5 might not be the best time but figured it most likely wasn’t the worst either so stopped in at a local cut and go salon.

I walked in, put my name on the list, and was told my wait would be about 10 minutes. As I scanned the salon, there appeared to be three stylists working with other customers so I thanked her, sat down, relaxed, and opened a National Enquirer which I figured would be fun to read while I waited…

I don’t know if it was because I was so thoroughly engrossed in my reading or just brain dead after a long week but by the time I looked up at the clock it was pretty surprising to see that my 10 minute wait had turned into 30. I looked around and could see that the three stylists were still with the same customers–a couple of them sitting down right along with them chatting away!

I suddenly felt a wave of invisibility come over me. Did I exist? Was I really there waiting for a haircut? What the heck is going on? I thought–how much effort would it take for one of those stylists to come over or even look my way to let me know they hadn’t forgotten me and that someone would be with me shortly…

But that didn’t happen–even after steadily looking their way hoping for some eye contact. A few more minutes ticked by. I decided I was going to make my move: I was either going to stand up and ask how much longer or was going to walk out. I concluded that given the current situation, I was past the point of feeling this would be a satisfactory haircut experience. Even if they came up to me in the next 5 seconds I would most likely not be a happy customer because I felt ignored. So I got up, crossed my name off the list, and left. (more…)

Self

Monday, June 14th, 2010

What you think of yourself is much more important than what others think of you.   Seneca

Staying the Course

Monday, June 7th, 2010

The difficult is done at once, the impossible takes a little longer.   Slogan of the US Armed Forces