Posts Tagged ‘communication’

Standing in a Sinkhole

Saturday, September 29th, 2018

No ContactIf you’re standing in a sinkhole sticking around long enough to be fully encapsulated shouldn’t be an option.

When circumstances continue to spiral down you know it.

The only reason for sticking around is feeling that there is hope.

The problem is, do you really want to be hopeful in a sinkhole situation?

Is there pushing, shoving, hitting, biting, tripping, slapping or any other form of physical abuse? Is a relationship partner ignoring disregarding or undermining or doesn’t want to spend time with you? If you feel your circumstances are situational how much time do you think it will take to turn things around?

Be honest with yourself. We usually know deep down when a relationship has potential and when it does not. Are you communicating with your partner letting them know how you feel? Do you feel safe enough to communicate with your partner?

Your first job is to take care of you. Once you crawl out of the sinkhole the pieces your life will begin to fall into place. This can only happen through honest communication with your partner and a willingness by both of you to create change. If that is not possible removing yourself from the relationship is the alternative. You know if communication is unsafe.

To seek help contact the Domestic Abuse National Hotline:

1-800-799-7233

1-800-787-3224 TTY

The National Sexual Assault Hotline

1-800-656-4673

When You Don’t Have Power

Sunday, January 26th, 2014

When you’re in a relationship where the distribution of power is lopsided, the person with little or no power becomes even more powerless by silencing their own voice.

You don’t intentionally stop talking. There is a freeze that happens. This freeze causes you to have great difficulty gathering your thoughts and speaking when in communication with a person whom you see as having more power than you. Remember–they have more power because you have turned your power over to them.

When trying to communicate  with a person who you have given your power to:

Take a breath and gather your thoughts.

Make eye contact.

Say what you need to say; keep it brief.

The more you speak up; the more confident you will become.

People who have the power are not typically good listeners. They will look down, walk away, do something else, but not usually interested in listening to anyone other than themselves.

Don’t chase after them to talk to them. Chasing is like begging–begging for time and attention.

As you speak up and reclaim your power you will decide if it is worth your time to communicate with this person.

You are responsible for your life and the direction it will take.

If you are not safe to have a conversation with the other person and reclaim your power please seek help.

http://www.thehotline.org/

No Contact

 

 

 

 

 

Talk is Not Cheap in Relationships

Wednesday, December 14th, 2011

You’ve most likely heard the expression talk is cheap. It definitely doesn’t apply to relationships. If anything it’s a commodity. Without talk a relationship is destined to die.

Sometimes, especially in the beginning, talk is hard to come by. People feel their way as they create conversation in order to find common ground. Some conversations last just a few seconds, simple words, light and breezy. Others can be meatier and last hours.

Talk is good.  Not necessarily idle chatter but sincere communication heals our souls and keeps the brain active and stimulated.

Talking about common interests, activities, current events, ideas, travel, dreams, goals, and plans usually put people at ease. When it gets right down to it, all of our relationships are a series of conversations.

Great relationships don’t just happen–they’re created and one of the primary ingredients is talk. Talk is wonderful music to the ears. It has great value. It’s like physical exercise—the more you do the better you get and the more you look forward to it.

If you find it tough to involve another person in conversation, keep trying. As the conversation starts to flow,  you become more comfortable and start looking forward to it. If you run across someone who seems turned off by a meaningful exchange note it. If you are dating and conversation comes hard a safe bet is to ask the other person about themselves–most people love to talk about their views activities hobbies etc. Guard against overwhelming your partner. Too much question and answer conversation for hours at a time is too much to deal with. Shorter meaningful conversations have a greater impact over time.

If you want to keep a relationship going keep the lines of communication flowing.

Communication is Key

Friday, September 2nd, 2011

Communication is the key to all great relationships–especially those we have with ourselves.

Feedback

Saturday, June 11th, 2011

What is the shortest word in the English language that contains the letters: abcdef? Answer:  feedback. Don’t forget that feedback is one of the essential elements of good communication.

More than a Haircut…

Sunday, June 20th, 2010

After work this past Friday I just knew I wouldn’t be going home until I got a haircut. I couldn’t stand it any more!! I was way past overdue and didn’t want to go home without one. Determined,  I set out to complete this task. I thought that perhaps Friday after 5 might not be the best time but figured it most likely wasn’t the worst either so stopped in at a local cut and go salon.

I walked in, put my name on the list, and was told my wait would be about 10 minutes. As I scanned the salon, there appeared to be three stylists working with other customers so I thanked her, sat down, relaxed, and opened a National Enquirer which I figured would be fun to read while I waited…

I don’t know if it was because I was so thoroughly engrossed in my reading or just brain dead after a long week but by the time I looked up at the clock it was pretty surprising to see that my 10 minute wait had turned into 30. I looked around and could see that the three stylists were still with the same customers–a couple of them sitting down right along with them chatting away!

I suddenly felt a wave of invisibility come over me. Did I exist? Was I really there waiting for a haircut? What the heck is going on? I thought–how much effort would it take for one of those stylists to come over or even look my way to let me know they hadn’t forgotten me and that someone would be with me shortly…

But that didn’t happen–even after steadily looking their way hoping for some eye contact. A few more minutes ticked by. I decided I was going to make my move: I was either going to stand up and ask how much longer or was going to walk out. I concluded that given the current situation, I was past the point of feeling this would be a satisfactory haircut experience. Even if they came up to me in the next 5 seconds I would most likely not be a happy customer because I felt ignored. So I got up, crossed my name off the list, and left. (more…)