Posts Tagged ‘circumstances’

A Green Light

Friday, September 4th, 2015

You may not immediately recognize a green light.

Mostly because you aren’t ready to move forward.

The green light might be flashing in front of you for days months or even years

and it’s only because of the right timing and circumstances that you see

what has been there for quite some time.

That’s the beauty of a green light–it patiently gives you the go ahead

to proceed when you’re ready.

No Contact

 

Overachievers in Relationships

Friday, March 22nd, 2013

Overachievers have a very hard time with mediocrity. They don’t know how to be average.

A few years back I was taking classes to keep my teaching license active. I was taking these classes summer term while working full time and had made up my mind before the classes started that I was going to do C level work because to try and give maximum effort would be too hard on me.

So I started three online classes and deliberately down scaled my effort in each one. By the second week of the term I had my first set of grades in two classes and had earned a D in both.  I couldn’t believe it! I was giving what I thought was an average effort but evidently my average effort was less than adequate. By the end of that week I got my grade in the third class which ended up being a C-. I decided there wasn’t enough time to figure out how to do average work so went back to giving my usual effort which landed me A’s in all three classes.

For those of us who are habitual overachievers life can be tricky because overachievement isn’t just about what we do in school or at work–it crosses over into our personal lives including our relationships. We are compelled to give our best effort but what is the price we pay for doing so?

We try hard–sometimes too hard to make relationships work. Maybe we push ourselves, the other person, our children, or circumstances just to keep relationships going even when there is a nagging feeling something’s just not right.

Maybe we see failure as something to be avoided at all costs or simply feel that we must try harder because there is something we don’t know yet and once we do know everything will work out. We might even allow ourselves and/or are children to be put into questionable or even dangerous situations just to keep a relationship alive.

It gets to the point where it’s no longer a question of overachieving, it’s a question of what is the most reasonable and sanest thing we can do for ourselves and our families.

None of us should stay in destructive relationships because we feel leaving means we’ve failed. Leaving really means we are seeking health and wellness.

When we rush into relationships or try too hard to make bad relationships work out we’re often trying to create loving relationships all by ourselves. The other person either isn’t interested or not capable of the same effort.

When we can see that what we’ve got is not working it’s best to follow our gut face it and move on. If we are looking to achieve why not put maximum effort toward learning about ourselves–who we are, what we want, and how we want to live our lives.

When we face life head on without a unhealthy relationship dragging us down we create openings for opportunity. When we take time to stand on our own and learn to appreciate our strengths we will in turn seek people who appreciate who we are and all we have to offer.

 

 

Cheerful & Happy

Sunday, February 24th, 2013

“I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.”

Martha Washington

Do you think this still applies today?

Do You Choose to Remain Vague?

Monday, March 19th, 2012

Do you ever feel that you want a change but don’t know what?

I speak with many people who feel vague about what they want to do different though they know there is something. They have this feeling of needing something–anything but can’t name it.

I’m a firm believer that change comes about when opportunity and circumstances meet.

The circumstances may not be ideal.

The change may not be profound.

Yet circumstances meet opportunity at a specific point in time.

Seven years ago I bought a house. I’d given thought to buying one for a few months and had the means to do it. A development was going up about eight blocks from where I lived. It was scary to commit to buying a house that hadn’t been built yet but the opportunity was there and the circumstances were right. So I bought it.

Not all decisions come together this quickly but they can. It helps to get clear about what you want and value in your life. Keeping things vague can be a way to prevent you from committing to change. It’s a trap because when you don’t take action you let yourself off the hook and can go back to being in limbo.

Of course there are times when you must back away from change because it feels like the best course of action to take. Yet if the change you are considering is one you’ve wanted for a long time but refuse to move forward you’re likely backing away out of fear. Moving forward when the components of change (opportunity & circumstances) meet gives you power in your life.

Ask yourself–do I like keeping things vague or would I feel better gaining some power?

 

Patience Reduces Stress in the Long Run

Monday, November 7th, 2011

With just about everything in life we set a pace.

Think about how you move through your daily life. There is a pace you set–a way in which you conduct yourself that sets the tone.

How patient are you?

How much does it bother you to wait for your actions to produce a desired outcome?

How willing are you to come to a conclusion, get a response, make a decision?

Do you make sure you have all your ducks in a row before leaping?

Do you determine whether or not you have asked all the right questions and got answers before making a decision?

More often than not waiting is worth your time.

Of course waiting isn’t always an option–you or a family member is ill and a decision needs to be made for a course of treatment, medication or a hospitalization.

But setting urgent decisions aside, there are times when being patient makes all the difference in the world like when starting a new relationship, making a move, quitting a job, buying a vehicle.

When you rush your actions with things/people/circumstances you may feel relieved in the short run but apt to feel disappointment or regret in the long run.

Waiting also gives you a chance to think of alternatives you might not have considered if you rush.

Why create more stress if it’s not absolutely necessary–waiting is worth your time.

 

Brace Yourself–Life Is Difficult

Sunday, October 23rd, 2011

I had the opportunity to watch a gem of a movie–The Beaver. You may want to check it out.

In the movie the main character suffers from depression. He doesn’t want to live and tries to hang himself but isn’t successful. His challenge is to engage himself in his own life, to embrace the life he has  so that ultimately he wants to live.

Life is full of challenges. There are times when we interpret these challenges to be frustrations or road blocks keeping us from living the life we want. Attitude plays a role–if we believe challenges can’t be overcome we will retreat and blame circumstances for our inability to take action.

Sometimes we want to meet a new challenge but don’t know what to do. We’ve got options but there is uncertainty tied to each one and the fear of making the wrong choice keeps us from moving forward.

At other times, as with the character in The Beaver, we give up. Life takes too much effort and despite all the positives we’ve got going don’t feel up to putting out any effort at all. If this is the case it will take more than our own effort to clear the way. Help is needed–family friends and often professional to get us back on track.

For all of us,  life is difficult. There will always be challenges and obstacles and even boredom to overcome. If you or someone you know has a zest for life and faces each day as an opportunity, you/they work on it. Facing life head on with a positive attitude is hard work but worth it.

The challenges put before us are there because that is the way life is. There are no guarantees. Living a full life with rich experiences requires taking risks.

I’d rather live life by risking  based on my best judgement than standing still and wishing I would have tried.

Life is difficult; that’s a given. How you choose to manage those difficulties is in your hands.

 

 

Workplace Spoilers

Friday, September 24th, 2010

As I was driving home the other night I realized I’m lucky because my working life is relatively free of discord. Sure there are occasional misunderstandings or confusion about something said or done but overall I feel pretty good about my workplace and co-workers.

It hasn’t always been this way. I can remember one time when I started a new job and wasn’t well received. I wasn’t sure why but there were glances in my direction when I walked by and low level conversations that ended when I walked in the room. I kept thinking, “Am I going to make it here??” My first weeks in that job were definitely not pleasant. At times I felt like throwing a bag over my head or just giving up and finding my way to the nearest exit.

Before I started that job I had applied for a life insurance policy. One evening shortly after my hiring, a company sales rep. came to my home to meet with me. He had me stand on a scale. I was shocked by what I saw. I asked him if his scale was set right. He checked it out by looking at the setting then by weighing himself and assured me it was fine. I suppose under other circumstances looking at the scale would have been great news, but not this time. I had lost ten pounds and until I stepped on that scale was clueless that my weight had dropped. When I stopped to think about it I realized I hadn’t had much of an appetite since starting the job most likely because I was too nervous to eat. I’d been so caught up in trying to do well at work while struggling to gain acceptance at the same time, that I hadn’t realized how much I was letting it affect me. My weight drop was a wake-up call. I knew I had to change the way I was dealing with my new workplace or I was going to be in big trouble. (more…)

Character

Friday, August 6th, 2010

No change of circumstances can repair a defect of character.

Ralph Waldo Emerson