Posts Tagged ‘choices’

Alternate Reality Living

Saturday, July 29th, 2017

When experiencing alternate reality living you most likely already know something feels off.

You may be trying to make someone else’s reality your own but if you have to try that hard it is unnerving, exhausting, and puts you smack dab in the middle of the wrong place.

Alternate realities come from being enmeshed and lost when in a relationship. We do this because we don’t have a clear view of the way our own reality should look or we are not committed to ourselves as the source for our life.

You have the ability to create your own reality which will in turn match you with others who are clear and confident in who they are and what their reality is. A person who is clear and confident in their own life will have the same expectation of you.

Say that you are with a heavy drinker but that’s not you? You are in a reality that is not a match for you.

Have you experienced a controller who calls all the shots and you find it’s just easier to keep the peace and go along with what they want rather than speak up and express your true wants desires and needs? This is another way we get sucked into the wrong reality…one that is not comfortable or compatible with who we are.

You have choices in either of the above situations but it will require that you speak up and say what it is you want. If you fear speaking up you already have your answer. You’re selling out so that you can continue to stay in a relationship that is not right for you.

Staying in relationships that cause stress and/or heartache are toxic for you and if you continue to stay it will effect you in more and more unhealthy ways as time goes on.

This kind of reality restricts your life. You must conform to the circumstances and learn to live with a heavy weight in your body and soul or do what is necessary to change the circumstances by standing up to your partner and telling them what you need and want and then taking action.

You have the tools to live a wonderful life with people in your life who are a match for you but you have to believe this to be true.
No Contact

New Partner Choices

Sunday, March 9th, 2014

The best choices for partners are people who are most like us. If we don’t have to alter our likes and dislikes to suit the whims of a new partner we are closer to being on the right track than if we alter our natural self to meet the expectations of someone new.


No Contact

Keep Going

Wednesday, December 26th, 2012

No one drowns by falling face down in a puddle, it’s choosing to refuse to lift your head from the water that kills you.      Unknown


Monday, December 17th, 2012

Choices are the hinges of destiny.

Attributed to both Edwin Markham and Pythagoras

Why We Stay in Destructive Relationships & How to Get Out

Thursday, January 12th, 2012

I recently came across an online question that I felt compelled to answer. Basically the question was I keep getting into bad relationships but have a hard time leaving. Why???

I hate to see a person struggle inside a relationship that is in one way or another abusive. These relationships suck the life out of us. We’re so enmeshed and although we know we should get out don’t know how to stop what we’re doing.  Simply put, we know we should leave but continue to stay way too long.

Why do we get involved in the first place?

We become addicted to bad relationships and will stop only when we see we are choosing similar types of partners over and over. You know the ones–they come on strong then the relationship fizzles out. Or they are secretive–we don’t know what’s going on. Maybe they sneak around and date others behind our backs. They could be habitual drug users, alcoholics, thieves and more. When we call them on the carpet they give us their sob story begging for our forgiveness and more often than not we forgive and get sucked back in.

In order to stop getting involved in these relationships you must recognize that there is a problem. Then you’ve got to get to a point where you can’t stand it anymore. You finally say “that’s it–I’ve had it!”

Once you have made the decision to walk away you’ve got to stay away. Be warned, it will take a concerted effort to change your selection process when it comes to relationship partners. You’ll likely need to stop partnering for awhile so you can start your healing process and take the journey toward healthier partner choices.

Any relationship is NOT better than being alone!

In order to find quality relationships you’ve got to get to know the most important person in your life. YOU!

Always consider your safety. If you are currently in a violent relationship call a domestic abuse hotline.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline   1.800.799.SAFE (7233)  1.800.787.3224 (TTY)



Pleasing Us First

Monday, September 5th, 2011

We learn that it is desirable to please other people. In fact, for some of us, pleasing others is more important than pleasing us.

We believe that when we please others it makes everything right and good in the world.

The road less traveled is the one where we do the right thing for us. That may mean leaving an unhealthy partnership or leaving work that is not right for us.

Many people choose to stay in poor relationships or unhealthy employment. They weigh the pros and cons and decide that it is worth it to do so. The decision to do either is an important choice that should be given careful consideration.

You’ve Got Choices

Sunday, July 17th, 2011

You’ve got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you’re not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice.  Steven D. Woodhull

Welcome to Ending Destructive Relationships!

Friday, June 25th, 2010

So here I am ten months after writing my first blog post welcoming readers to my site. Definitely could have done this sooner but the reason I didn’t isn’t because I’m a procrastinator. It has more to do with not knowing whether or not I’d make it past the first few weeks of blogging…

In the beginning, each time I put up a new blog post was a major benchmark for me. Kind of like baby’s first smile, first tooth, first step–that type of thing except in a matter of weeks. I was nervous about blogging and really didn’t expect to make it past the first weeks primarily because I thought I’d run out of content–specifically, interesting, useful, and helpful content.

You see, this site is here because I am passionate about the topic. I feel that the quality of the lives we lead is dependent on our relationships–first and foremost the ones we have with ourselves. If we’ve don’t like or are regularly annoyed with who we are it stands to reason that our relationships will be in jeopardy since the quality of the relationships we have with other people depends on whether or not we like us.

For many years, I didn’t understand what I was doing in terms of my relationships with others.  I was a heavy approval junkie believing that all the good and bad that came into my life hinged on how well I maintained the relationships I had. I let other people off the hook right and left. It didn’t matter how they treated me–I just figured I was defective in some way which led them to say the things they said or take the actions they took.

Over time as the fog lifted I learned to be wiser about my choices by stepping up and holding myself accountable for decisions I made which first and foremost included the company I chose to keep. There is nothing magical about living a good life and forming good relationships but there are some things that definitely help which include:  Being true to self,  having goals, paying attention, holding yourself accountable for decisions, developing your spiritual side whatever that might be, and being enjoying life on a regular basis.

So after ten months, I’m still blogging, learning a heck of a lot, enjoying it, and don’t anticipate stopping any time soon. To those who regularly visit this site–I sincerely thank you! I hope there has been a helpful blog post, link, daily tip, or reader comment that has been of help to you. If not, hopefully in the future, that will change. If you have comments, thoughts, opinions and or suggestions, I would appreciate hearing from you.

Thanks for visiting! I appreciate your time and hope you come back again soon.

Our Choices

Tuesday, May 18th, 2010

I Believe we are solely responsible for our choices, and we have to accept the consequences of every deed, word, and thought throughout our lifetime.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Choosing New Partners

Wednesday, March 31st, 2010

The best choices for partners are people who are most like us. If we don’t have to alter our likes and dislikes to suit the whims of a new partner we are closer to being on the right track than if we alter our natural self to meet the expectations of someone new.