Posts Tagged ‘cheating’

Avoid Cheaters/Cheating in the Future

Wednesday, July 25th, 2012

Once you’ve been cheated on you want to avoid cheaters and cheating at all costs. Cheating leaves a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach and you want no part of it.

Years later the physical feeling may go away but you still remember the sense of loss and violation.

The only surefire way to avoid cheaters and cheating is to never get involved with anyone in the future. Stay away from relationships altogether. Keep to yourself and lock your door.

Right?

Well isolation is always an option but not likely one you want to give serious consideration to.

The best way to avoid cheaters and cheating is to be aware.

Be aware of how you feel when in relationships.

Be aware of your questions.

Be aware of early affection.

Be aware of situations or circumstances that don’t seem quite right.

Be aware when you are accepting excuses.

Be aware of no shows and then thinking you must have got the details wrong.

Ask the hard or uncomfortable questions. Don’t think your questions are silly, stupid, or none of your business. If you are in a relationship and you have a question, ask it. You know the difference between prying in a brand new relationship and asking for an explanation in an established one.

Pay attention.

Pay attention to what you see, how you feel, how they act, what they say, how they say it, what isn’t said. Observe their body language and your own. Follow your gut instincts.

Pay attention to sudden disappearing acts and then…reappearing acts.

As you get clear about your expectations for yourself and your relationships  paying attention will become second nature.

You will only be fooled if you choose to be. Sweet words and long embraces are in the moment. Genuine feelings sincerity and love are developed over time.

 

 

You and the Cheater

Tuesday, July 24th, 2012

You already know you have a cheater in your life. The pain of discovery can be devastating but you know about the cheating and must face it.

You may have mixed feelings about what you’re going to do next.

You may take time away from the cheater to gather your thoughts and determine your course of action. You may leave the cheater immediately ending the partnership or relationship.

Whatever your decision is there are a few things you need to do quickly:

Accept that this happened.

Face the role  if any that you played.

Take care of yourself.

Really take care of yourself. Do what you need to do to make your life easier right now. The road ahead will be bumpy and it’s important that you are grounded and secure in who you are as a person. It will do no good to feel sorry for yourself day in and day out–that’s not what I mean. You need to eat healthy, get as much sleep as you can and be around people who support and nurture you.

Only when you feel better and stronger are you in a position to make the best decisions you can for you and your family if that’s part of the scenario.

Once you have made your decision approach the cheater and let him/her what you decide. If safety is a factor and it’s not safe to approach this person then don’t.

Run your course of action by someone you trust. If you feel you need to seek professional counseling do so.

Don’t cheat yourself by accepting the cheater back into your life without creating establishing and sticking to your boundaries. The cheater needs to know exactly where you stand. There is no guarantee that you will never have to deal with cheating again but you significantly increase the odds that you won’t by establishing clear boundaries.

Next: Avoiding Cheaters/Cheating in the Future

 

Cheaters

Monday, July 23rd, 2012

Cheaters are out there in full force. They may cheat out of desperation or feel they must cheat because not to takes too much time. Sometimes people cheat because they can’t help themselves. Whatever the reason, cheating will eventually catch up with them and when it does lives may be shattered and/or relationships broken beyond repair.

If you are involved with a cheater whether through business or in a personal relationship there is one of three ways you’ll discover the wrongdoing. They will either tell you to your face , you will discover it on your own, or someone else will step forward.

Once you know, your job is to decide what you are going to do about it.

For some the decision is easy–they get out. Maybe they’ve been suspicious for awhile and had enough time to process their decision.

Others are blindsided. They didn’t see it coming so aren’t immediately sure what their course of action will be. Only when they get their bearings do they decide what they will do.

Some people discover the cheating but choose to stay involved. This decision can be made because they choose to ignore the violation, feel they have too much invested emotionally and/or financially to leave or because they face the cheating head on and choose to work through the issues.

Whatever route you take one thing is for sure–cheating will change your life. Even when people choose to ignore cheating it takes energy to hold that violation deep inside. Don’t kid yourself, there won’t be too many days when you don’t wonder if and when it will happen again.

Next time:  You and the Cheater

 

After Cheating~

Monday, August 29th, 2011

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