Posts Tagged ‘calm’

Anxiety Works Overtime

Wednesday, March 28th, 2018

Anxiety is never satisfied. In fact there are times when anxiety really outdoes itself and goes beyond the norm.

If it could it would keep us alert 24/7.

It depresses, alerts, foils, manipulates.

It talks us into something one minute and out of it the next.

It is relentless and we wage lifelong battles with it.

No one escapes but we can learn to lessen it.

So what do we do to tame this savage beast? How do we put it in it’s place so we can live life without succumbing to it’s wishes?

It’s so simple yet extremely difficult to calm anxiety down but
we’ve got to control it.

Control the amount of time it takes over in our lives.

We’ve got to tell it to go away, shut the door, slam the lid, seal it up.

Walk away.

We tell it to shut up and mean it!

There is no one else who can.

At 3am enough is enough.

When we obsess, hold onto a thought, keep a conversation going that needed to end 30 minutes ago we’ve allowed anxiety to take over. Next time you’re in that moment


Take a deep breath in through the nose and hold for a count of four then release through your mouth. Your body gives you the signal that you’re okay.

BUT don’t take too many deep breaths in a row or you will hyperventilate which will make your anxiety worse.

You might think–deep breathing won’t get me a new job, solve my relationship problems, pay the bills, or get me out of debt and you’re right, it won’t


Taking a deep breath every now and then gets oxygen to the brain which in turn allows you to think more clearly. It also slows the heart rate down and makes you feel less anxious even if for a moment.

And if you put together enough of these brief moments whose to say that your body and mind won’t be better able to handle some of the major stressors in your life.

Give yourself a break every thirty minutes or so to take a deep breath. You could set an alarm on your phone, find a visual cue like a clock or make a sign that says BREATHE…to help you. Stick that sign where you can see it!

Whatever you use, make it a practice to take big deep breaths regularly throughout your day. It’s one way to take an active measure to keep anxiety at bay.

No Contact

Emotionally Charged

Saturday, October 10th, 2015

When in an emotionally charged situation keep your head on straight.

It’s not always easy to do because others often try to confuse you to the point

where you believe your head is on backwards.

Don’t believe it!

Breathe through the difficult circumstance and maintain calm the best you can.

If others who are attempting to charge you up see you are not rattled they  may

continue to attempt to get to you but will likely see their tactics are not working

and retreat.

No Contact

Don’t Give Away Your Power

Friday, September 19th, 2014

Do you give away your power?

You can teach someone to respect you but not by handing your power over to them.

Weakness doesn’t equal respect.

Fear of saying NO doesn’t equal respect.

Stand your ground no matter what the situation.

This keeps you safe and calm.

When you are calm you will earn the respect you deserve from yourself and others.

Don’t give away your power to anyone.

Don’t hand your power over to another person.

Expect respect.

No Contact

Steps to take When Going Through Divorce

Sunday, August 24th, 2014

There are six traits that will keep the odds in your favor as you go through divorce. Please read:

No Contact


Stand Up for You and Your Family

Saturday, July 20th, 2013

No ContactIf someone you’re close to namely a parent or other relative is in the habit of making negative remarks about you or your children be as objective as you can about whatever they say but stand up for yourself and your family.

Sometimes well meaning or maybe not so well meaning remarks are made.

A grandparent might say “Jimmy is ungrateful, he doesn’t even care that I’m here. He just ignores me.”

Jimmy  may really love having grandma come over to visit but that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s sitting next to grandma hanging onto her every word. Sometimes grandma feels slighted when there is really no reason to.

Respect for elders is important but so is respect for children young adults and the middle aged.

If you’re doing all you can to see that your children treat others with respect and you do so yourself don’t let others push you or your children around. When in the presence of difficult relatives stay calm while holding your ground.

Here’s more information you may find helpful:



From a Place of Strength

Wednesday, May 16th, 2012

When you come from a place of strength you can get through situations that make you nervous or highly anxious.  Think about how strong and capable you are when faced with fears you can’t run from. Center yourself in your place of strength. It will calm you down and keep you from panicking.

Anxious times drive us away from our midpoint. Push your way back there in order to maintain your distance from the edge.

Anxiety After a Breakup–The Restless Mind Syndrome

Friday, November 19th, 2010


In The No Contact book I take some time talking about anxiety or what I’ve come to see as the restless mind syndrome.

There is this heightened sense of awareness in terms of relationships in general and the fact that you’re not in one.

Anxiety sets in and along with it, the feeling of the sinking gut–where your insides are in pain and there is a hollowness that doesn’t seem to go away during your waking hours.

If  your relationship has ended, you were most likely feeling anxious before the final breakup actually took place. There is usually an unsettled feeling before the end.

The anxious feeling you feel near the end or at the end can torpedo you into a place where impulse rules. You may do and say things that if you weren’t in a state of high anxiety would likely think twice about.

If you’re feeling an uneasiness inside your relationship follow these guidelines:

1.  If you feel worry or high anxiety coming on during a conversation with your partner end the conversation. Say something like…”you know, we can talk about this later but right now I’ve got to get some things done.

2.  Go do something that will take your mind off the conversation. Whatever you find relaxing, or if you’ve genuinely got some things you need to get done pour your focus into getting those things done. Don’t discuss the previous conversation with anyone. Just get busy with something.

3.  When you’ve calmed down wait for your partner to call. Don’t make the call, wait and continue the conversation only if you feel in control of yourself, your words, and your actions.

When you can get control over your emotions you can take control of your life.

Think about your past relationship and the times you felt anxious. What did you do? How did you respond to anxious situations?

Anxiety can potentially damage and destroy relationships. Take control of your emotions and your life.

If you’re faced with the end of a relationship it is a difficult place to be but your life is about more than that relationship.

Instead of allowing your emotions to run wild when you’re anxious remember that you have the power to control them.

Inner Critic Rants

Wednesday, September 29th, 2010

A few days ago I flew in to the PDX Airport after a conference I attended.

I went to one of the nearby economy parking lots to find my car. The parking lots are color coded and fortunately I knew the color of the lot but didn’t remember the parking shelter letter.

I was frustrated and tired and just wanted my car!

I had a lot of inner dialogue going on in my mind that evening not the least of which was how stupid I was because I couldn’t find my car!

Fortunately, I remembered the cars general location and with the help of a nice parking lot security driver, was able to find it with relative ease.

I bring this incident up because there really wasn’t any use in badgering myself. It didn’t make the situation better but instead made it more stressful on me.

And what was even harder to deal with was the fact that less than three months ago I’d made a similar mistake. That time I didn’t make a mental note of lot or shelter letter. Fortunately, again, I remembered the general location so was able to pinpoint my cars location.

Taking a positive approach, I vow that next time I will get it right. This isn’t rocket science and I know I can figure out airport parking it’s just that for me, air travel is still a relatively new experience. It was years before I went anywhere in a plane and am still learning the nuances of flying.

Does your inner critic ever beat your up?

Don’t let it!

Calm it down, turn it down, or better yet silence it. When this voice tells you you’re stupid or incompetent or that you’ll never be successful or happy or whatever it tells you, resist the urge to give that voice total power over you.

Pay better attention to the nurturing voice. The one that tells you it’s okay you made a mistake–it doesn’t matter because you’ll do better next time. That voice–the nurturing one, is your friend.


Saturday, August 21st, 2010

Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under the trees on a summer’s day, listening to the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.    John Lubbock