Posts Tagged ‘believe in yourself’

Celebrate Small Steps

Thursday, February 7th, 2013

Celebrate and focus on the small steps you take each day as you move forward. Minimize the setbacks.

Start When You’re Ready

Tuesday, December 18th, 2012

I once met a woman who told me she loves karaoke. I mean she loves it! When I met her she was nearing 80 so I figured she’d been doing karaoke for many years but she told me she didn’t step foot into a bar and try her hand at karaoke until she was 75!

She said she really didn’t feel at all comfortable going earlier in life so waited until she did. I asked her what it took to finally feel comfortable and she told me that at 75 she no longer cared what other people thought of her. She said it took her awhile to finally build up enough nerve to go but once she did she never looked back. Her children told me they often go with her because they love watching her have so much fun. She says that sometimes she gets up and sings but often she just watches and loves every minute.

Thinking of her reminds me of the stress I’ve put myself under to do a certain thing–in a hurry. Not that waiting as long as she did is necessarily the best way to go BUT sometimes waiting isn’t all bad either.

Maybe when a person is ready, they’ll know it and feel more comfortable taking the next step—whatever that next step might be. Of course the first step is always the hardest and chances are if we’re prone to waiting before taking an action we’ve most likely replayed the first step in our mind many times before finally taking the plunge.

So whatever it is you’re contemplating whether it be a new relationship, career change, vacation, art lessons, etc., don’t feel you need to rush it. Maybe taking a little more time is just what you need.

Getting Burned & Life Lessons

Tuesday, December 4th, 2012

One time when my oldest son was two I was standing at the kitchen stove just starting dinner.  I turned the front burner on. My son came up to the stove and I told him “Hot don’t touch, it will hurt. No!”

He looked at me and said “Hot!”

I said “That’s right, hot!”

He looked at the burner then looked at me, looked at the burner, then looked at me again.  With no warning what-so-ever he firmly placed his hand right on it! In the same instant came his blood curdling scream and me picking him up. I dashed out of the kitchen him in my arms to take care of the burn repeating, “Hot, hot, I told you hot!”

Well, I may have told him hot but he didn’t understand hot until he felt hot on his hand! He definitely learned about hot after that incident. Fortunately the stove burner wasn’t on high or even medium heat but it was hot enough to burn his hand and as a result he never touched a stove burner again.

Lesson learned. Stove burners are hot. Place your hand on one and you’ll get burned.

For me, there have been situations in my life where it took more than one experience to learn a lesson. There have been times when despite red flags, warnings, and incidents where it was clear I needed to pay attention, I repeatedly didn’t learn.  Instead I wished and hoped and prayed things would work out.  I often ignored my gut instincts opting to second guess myself instead. So it went like this:

Lesson not learned. Repeat lesson.

Lesson not learned. Repeat lesson again…

I would rather confidently say, I know what is best for me

than after the fact say…

I was afraid that would happen!

Or

I’m not comfortable with that

rather than…

Oh, I guess it will be okay.

When we think about what we want, we really do know.

And if we really are unsure in a given situation then what we’re really saying is no.

How many times does it take to learn one life lesson?

As many times as we allow it to take.

There are some lessons we don’t want to repeat more than once because these lessons take a toll on us.

So the next time you come into contact with a hot burner and you’ve already felt the pain pay attention to the voice that tells you to turn your back and walk away.

 

Reprogram Your Self Talk

Saturday, September 29th, 2012

It is very easy to allow yourself to believe that life will not get better and that you do not have what it takes to move forward successfully in relationships, career, or in any other way.

Being in destructive relationships includes the one you’re in with yourself. When you have been put down, badgered, belittled, ignored, or physically, emotionally, mentally, or sexually abused, it is easy to believe that you cannot do anything right or are not as good as others.

It is easy to think this way because at some point in your life or maybe throughout life you have listened to others who have told you that you are some how defective or are missing something and because of this will always  fail.

If whatever you believe, whatever recording you play over and over in your mind is negative, that noise can be deafening.  Silence the noise by playing a new recording–one that is positive uplifting and accurate. Memorize this recording and play it loud. Write it out and stick it to a wall where you will see it every day.

Start playing the new recording today. Play it over and over until you believe it. When the old negative recording starts to creep back into your thoughts focus on drowning it out with the new vibrant positive one.

Instead of being your own worst enemy concentrate on being your best friend.

You Might Love ‘Em but Do You Like ‘Em?

Wednesday, August 8th, 2012

Have you ever felt that although you feel love for your partner you really don’t like him or her?

You sure wouldn’t be alone.

It is not uncommon at times to dislike a partner–even a nice partner who treats you well. They could be having a bad day and/or are stressed or maybe both of you are out of sorts, that happens.  However if you’ve had or have a partner who is none too nice to begin with life can be hard on a regular basis.

Yesterday I went with my son to a local retail outlet to exchange an item. In front of us was another customer making a return. He tells the clerk he needs to exchange what he bought because his girlfriend’s idiot son broke it (fortunately neither the girlfriend or her son were with him.)

I immediately felt sorry for his girlfriend and her son. I wondered about this guy and how truly loving he could be to either of them. I thought well maybe she loves the guy but how easy is he to like?

There are things that eat away at people for sure but one of the hardest to take day in and out are the jabbing stabbing cruel things people say to those they are closest to. If this man referred to his gf’s child as an idiot to a stranger how would he address him at home?

A piggy bank comes to mind. When someone says something nice they deposit a coin. After enough coins get deposited and the bank is full they break it open and treat themselves. On the other hand, if cruel words are said a coin is taken out. If the cruel words outnumber the nice ones that bank isn’t going to fill up anytime soon.

How is it possible to like let alone love a person who is cruel to you, your children, your parents, siblings, friends, co-workers, or pets?  Words sting. You can pretend that words don’t hurt but deep down you”re not fooling anyone and especially not fooling yourself. Eventually love fades and is replaced by a ton of anger and resentment.

You don’t need it and neither do your loved ones.

So what do you do?

For starters you stop taking it.

Let the person know it’s not okay and you will no longer put up with it.

If it continues it’s up to you to decide if you can live another day or more the way you’re living now. Decide if it’s worth your health and that of your family.

As always, if you are in a violent relationship please seek the advice of a professional before making changes in your current situation.

National Domestic Violence Hotline  1-800-799-SAFE.

 

 

 

High Profile Domestic Victim

Tuesday, July 17th, 2012

http://exm.nr/NosQEZ

Problem Solving

Sunday, July 15th, 2012

It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer.   Albert Einstein

Self-Belief in New Relationships

Wednesday, July 11th, 2012

Half the battle when developing great relationships is taking enough time to develop a strong relationship with yourself first. Do you have self-belief?

Are you growing yourself as an individual? Do you believe in your ability to be successful? Do you believe in your ability to make good decisions? Do you trust your instincts?

If you don’t believe in yourself how will you maintain strong relationships with others?

It is relatively easy to say “I believe in myself.” It is harder to live life each day with self-belief. It is difficult to stand by an opinion when others disagree but if you sincerely believe in your opinion why go along with others if in reality you don’t agree with what they say?

Solid relationships develop over time. Starting out a new relationship without self-belief makes you vulnerable to accepting and believing that your partner’s likes wants needs and opinions  are exactly like your own even when they’re not. Say your new friend loves red meat and eats it regularly. You on the other hand don’t care for it and rarely eat it. Are you more likely to say you love red meat even if you don’t or admit that you don’t care much for it? Say he loves science fiction movies and has a collection he watches over and over again. You on the hand love comedies and only occasionally watch anything else. Do you hide that difference or bring it out in the open?

Owning up to who you are won’t make or break a viable relationship. Standing by your true self and believing in your abilities will enhance your relationships with others. Sure, we want to respect individual differences in others but not to the point where we disregard our own. Who we are and what we think separates us from the pack.

Keep Your Doubt to Yourself

Sunday, July 8th, 2012

Do you doubt yourself? You’re better than you think and know more than you give yourself credit for. Most of us think we are missing information that will give us the edge. What we’re really missing is belief that what we know is enough. We give ourselves an advantage by staying focused on our own goals.

When we look away and stare at what someone else is doing we begin to doubt ourselves. When focus is needed doubt is the enemy. We may question what we’re doing and may become discouraged but don’t market your doubt for others to see and hear.

Trust Yourself

Thursday, May 31st, 2012

Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.    Benjamen Spock