Posts Tagged ‘allow’

Nice

Monday, December 12th, 2016

From an early age we’re taught to be nice and play nice. Some of us learn this lesson very well. In fact, we tend to overlook poor behavior and/or physical/emotional abuse because we don’t believe we have the right to question things that are said or done.

There is a time for being nice and playing nice and yes, absolutely, we generally want to treat others with dignity and respect. But sometimes playing nice hurts and deeply affects not only us but our children and others we are close to. When we buy stock in the words and actions of a partner out of fear, intimidation, to have a roof over our head, or to keep our children clothed and fed we rob ourselves and families of dignity and hope for the present and the future.

Are you ever nice in order to keep people in your life?
Do you sometimes look the other way when you see an action or hear words that are not right or are cause for alarm?
Do you pretend that things are okay and go along with the status quo rather than take actions that may be uncomfortable but in the long run could help you?

I spent much of my life living in the too nice mode. I feared leaving or losing a partner because life without a partner was uncertain.The uncertainty of the future often kept me in the turmoil of the present. That present included people who behaved poorly and often mistreated me and my family. They were angry and frustrated and took their feelings out on others simply because they could get away with it.

Partners who hold you captive with words and actions hope you will continue to forgive them. They say sweet words when they believe you might leave. They might buy you nice things to distract and convince you it will never happen again.

But it usually does happen again in one way or another. You question whether what was done was really abuse. Maybe you’re just overreacting and thingsĀ  aren’t that bad. Sometimes that is the case but pay attention to your gut; it knows.

Most of the time people who create havoc and craziness in relationships are damaged people who damage other people. They likely seek people they believe will lift their boundaries or discard them altogether.

When you live with the anything goes mentality you might question things that are said or done but usually go with the flow rather than disrupt it because you want to avoid confrontation. (more…)

Conventional Wisdom?

Monday, May 9th, 2016

Conventional wisdom often holds people back and is certainly not all that wise.

If you listen to conventional wisdom you’ve likely been told that if you reach for the stars you’ll never get there or that it’s silly to dream big dreams.

Maybe you’ve been told that your goals are unrealistic and that you need to remember who you are and where you came from. Well intentioned people may tell you you’ll disappoint yourself and you’re setting yourself up for a big let down.

But at the end of the day we must have our dreams as living would be pretty bland without them.

At the beginning of the day were excited because we’ve slept on those big dreams the night before.

I love to imagine myself getting an award and my acceptance speech after I’ve received it.
It makes me feel that it is possible and I’m not let down because I’m dreaming a dream rather than actually receiving that award. In fact, it makes me feel fantastic whether or not I ever actually get it!

The best dreams we have in our sleep are the ones where we soar. Have you had one of these?

Too bad we don’t allow ourselves more time to think of the sweet dreams that are possible for us.

We need more of these dreams.

Conventional wisdom was designed to keep us in line with the norm.
This is cautionary at best, meant to keep us grounded.

And to a degree there is wisdom in grounding BUT where would we be if we only paid attention to the norm?

Think Big.

Dream Big.

Dare to get past convention.

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