When you come from a place of strength you can get through situations that make you nervous or anxious. Think about how strong and capable you are when you go some place new like a meeting, class, new job, church, or event where you know no one. Center yourself in that place of strength. It will calm you down and keep you from running out the door.
This is an article that although long gives us something to think about. This is an issue that needs to be given more thought: http://sbn.to/zJznSN
Overachievers have a very hard time with mediocrity. They don’t know how to be average.
A few years back I was taking classes to keep my teaching license active. I was taking these classes summer term while working full time and had made up my mind before the classes started that I was going to do C level work because to try and give maximum effort would be too hard on me.
So I started three online classes and deliberately down scaled my effort in each one. By the second week of the term I had my first set of grades in two classes and had earned a D in both. I couldn’t believe it! I was giving what I thought was an average effort but evidently my average effort was less than adequate. By the end of that week I got my grade in the third class which ended up being a C-. I decided there wasn’t enough time to figure out how to do average work so went back to giving my usual effort which landed me A’s in all three classes.
For those of us who are habitual overachievers life can be tricky because overachievement isn’t just about what we do in school or at work–it crosses over into our personal lives including our relationships. We are compelled to give our best effort but what is the price we pay for doing so?
We try hard–sometimes too hard to make relationships work. Maybe we push ourselves, the other person, our children, or circumstances just to keep relationships going even when there is a nagging feeling something’s just not right.
Maybe we see failure as something to be avoided at all costs or simply feel that we must try harder because there is something we don’t know yet and once we do know everything will work out. We might even allow ourselves and/or are children to be put into questionable or even dangerous situations just to keep a relationship alive.
It gets to the point where it’s no longer a question of overachieving, it’s a question of what is the most reasonable and sanest thing we can do for ourselves and our families.
None of us should stay in destructive relationships because we feel leaving means we’ve failed. Leaving really means we are seeking health and wellness.
When we rush into relationships or try too hard to make bad relationships work out we’re often trying to create loving relationships all by ourselves. The other person either isn’t interested or not capable of the same effort.
When we can see that what we’ve got is not working it’s best to follow our gut face it and move on. If we are looking to achieve why not put maximum effort toward learning about ourselves–who we are, what we want, and how we want to live our lives.
When we face life head on without a unhealthy relationship dragging us down we create openings for opportunity. When we take time to stand on our own and learn to appreciate our strengths we will in turn seek people who appreciate who we are and all we have to offer.
We learn that it is desirable to please other people. In fact, for some of us, pleasing others is more important than pleasing us.
We believe that when we please others it makes everything right and good in the world.
The road less traveled is the one where we do the right thing for us. That may mean leaving an unhealthy partnership or leaving work that is not right for us.
Many people choose to stay in poor relationships or unhealthy employment. They weigh the pros and cons and decide that it is worth it to do so. The decision to do either is an important choice that should be given careful consideration.
There are many issues that can drain the life out of a relationship but there are a some that can be real deal breakers. Take a look:
1. Lack of Communication–In this day and age it probably seems improbable that a couple would have trouble staying in communication since there are so many options available. Some people may feel it’s too easy to communicate and thus feel pressured to communicate with their partner all day long.
Yet couples who don’t talk about plans, feelings, work, and dreams are headed for disaster. It’s not necessary to be in contact throughout the day but taking time at the end of the day to talk about your work challenges, funny stories, what the kids did at school, and plans for the weekend can make all the difference in the world.
2. No Common Interests–Think about and then jot down common interests you have with your partner. If you draw a blank after kids, work, house, and friends you might want to consider a hobby or activity you would both like to share. There is no substitute for quality time together.
3. Cheating on a Partner–Why does this happen in the first place? Maybe the woman stays home all day caring for the kids and feels that she needs something more in her life. Or, maybe the man sees his wife in sweats and a t-shirt daily yet sees women at work dressed to the nines. He resents his wife not looking her best and strays.
Both partners need to commit to the relationship. There will always be temptations but the couple who shares time together and dresses up for each other on a regular basis nurtures the relationship by letting each other know that the relationship is a priority and worth putting out extra effort for. Besides, it can’t help but spice things up.
4. Indifference–the silent deadly killer of relationships. It happens more often than you might think. When one partner is disagreeable or lacks interest in anything the other partner suggests, it is a sign that all is not well. Open communication is the key. If one partner is silent while the other is not it will be impossible to grow the connection for the long haul. Sometimes life gets busy and couples feel it isn’t worth the extra effort to open up and share not only the good but the other stuff that gets put on the back burner. Addressing the back burner topics sooner rather than later is the better course of action to take.
Successful relationships don’t just happen. They are grown over time. Place your relationship in the forefront, where it belongs.
Learn to let your intuition–gut instinct–tell you when the food, the relationship, the job isn’t good for you (and conversely, when what you’re doing is just right). Oprah Winfrey
Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success. Dale Carnegie, American Lecturer, author, 1888-1955
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