Archive for the ‘Stress’ Category

Dimming Down

Saturday, July 14th, 2018

No ContactAbout ten years ago I was not feeling real good about the work I was doing. Although the job allowed me to help people I also found it to be heavy–like two tons of brick on my back. I knew that I was going to need to change something because in my very own life I was dimming down. I actually spent time under my desk over the course of the workweek because the weight of the work caused my eyes to close and my body to sink onto the floor underneath my desk to get relief from the heaviness I felt. It would only take about 10 minutes to muster up the determination to go back up to the desk to get the job done but I knew that the life I was living was not exactly energizing.

So I made a change.

Left the job and went into business. Purchased a franchised territory selling window treatments and have been doing this work ever since. Granted this new work I do is without a doubt the hardest I have ever done and there are days when I want to scream—really loud—but I have never once crawled underneath my desk.

Dimming down is not an option in what I do now even though at times and especially when new growing pains emerge that I think to myself–should I or is it possible that I might just want to start dimming down?

I’ve come to the conclusion that dimming down is a way of life. It just is. Because all of us approach life from a different perspective. Some approach life calmly, unassumingly, subtly floating through each day with a very peaceful soothing aura. And those with this approach aren’t necessarily dimming down.
They are likely lighting up–lighting up the path along their journey and people who have the opportunity to know them are blessed to be part of the experience.

There are others who spring through life with boundless energy. They jump over obstacles and overcome setbacks and although discouragement blocks them on occasion they keep moving. These people are not dimming down either. They are lighting up. They are purposeful and admirable. They light paths not only for themselves but encourage others to do the same.

Still others approach life from a very pragmatic perspective. They have ups and they have downs. They jump over hurdles only to find another one. They have some smoothness in their path but they also get blocked by big boulders.They stop and examine the boulders in order to find a way to conquer each one. It’s never about being defeated by the boulder–only about conquering. These people are not dimming down. They are lighting the way for themselves and motivate others who have fallen off their own paths.

So where are you?

Are you dimming down? Living a life that you know is not really right for you and is wearing you out? If that is the case, why are you doing it? What keeps you chained to the weight of the life you are living? Is there some very small change you could make that just might change the path for you? It only needs to be small–not gigantic.

There are circumstances that come up in life–trenches, boulders, ditches, rabbit holes, that keep us immobilized.
Yet even in life battles we still have a choice on the approach we take when it comes to living the way we want to.

We’re either dimming down.

Or lighting up.

No way is right and no way is wrong.

It is always up to you.

Test the Water

Saturday, June 9th, 2018

When we don’t test the water we don’t know where we stand.

I was taught not to disrupt the flow and keep up the status quo.

That was poor advice but it was what I learned to do.

If we don’t test the water we don’t know just how much we can grow.

In all relationships we have a choice.

We can stay with what we know and basically tread water indefinitely.

Or we can present a challenge to self and partner. Raise the bar so to speak.

Ask for what you need and want. You are not asking for too much when you do this.
It is never too much to ask for what you want and to have your needs met–it is a sign of strength.

A true partnership is much stronger than we think. A partnership that goes untested is more fragile than one
that has faced multiple challenges.

A true valued partner provides opportunity for candid and quality conversations. They will tell you what you need
to hear, not what you want to hear. If you never get to the place where the water is tested chances are you will not meet growth
head on. And if you choose not to grow your going in the opposite direction.

No Contact

Whisperer

Saturday, May 26th, 2018

No ContactDo you know a whisperer? I had a conversation not too long ago with a friend who told me she doesn’t like to go into her dentist office even though she thinks the dentist is great because the receptionist staff whispers in the receptionist area.

I shrugged and said they probably need to keep quiet because of patient confidentiality.

She said no, she didn’t think that was it and said she’s observed that after a patient comes into the office to check in and then sits down in the waiting area the reception staff whispers among themselves about the patient.

I got to thinking about this and said you know maybe you should say something to the staff. And she said– she didn’t want to make a big deal out of it.

So here’s the thing:

Call it what you will but there are people who like to talk about other people period. There are some people who are not so subtle about it and do it no matter whether the person is with in earshot or not. They like it and they do it and that’s just the way it is. You can like it or not like it and it really doesn’t make any difference because they don’t care.

But here is the absolutely beautiful thing about gossip because when it comes right down to it when a person whispers–it is often gossip.

It doesn’t matter what anyone else says or doesn’t say.

It doesn’t matter who someone else is or isn’t being.

It doesn’t matter what anyone else does or doesn’t do.

The only thing that you or I or anyone else has any control over is ourselves. We have the amazing opportunity to take care of ourselves and what others do or say or who they are or aren’t has absolutely no bearing on us.

The worry about others is a wasted worry. Staying up at night or waking up at night worrying about what you think someone else is doing or saying or being is not in any way shape or form a matter that should hold you captive.

Others can whisper, shout, or scream and it has nothing to do with us.

Take charge, go out there and be you. You are the only person who can and it is your responsibility to do that. Others will either like it or they won’t and be glad that we all have the freedom to make that choice.

Give to Ourselves First

Friday, May 18th, 2018

No ContactThose of us who keep looking to the outside for our happiness and well being are always going to find disappointment and likely even abuse in our love relationships because there is no living person who can give to us what we must give to ourselves first.

Another person can be supportive of who we are and stand beside us but if we do not stand up for us first why would another person? We will get exactly the type of relationship partner that we are ready to receive and if what we’re ready for is someone who is always looking for someone outside themselves to fill and make them whole we will be a match with that person because we are looking for the same thing.

If we get involved in love relationships too quickly before we truly know the person we are setting up the end of the relationship right from the beginning. Abusers like quick starts as they are not patient people. They want what they want when they want it and they let you know quickly that they are running the show. If you fear confronting this opposition and keep quiet when you should be speaking up you are choosing to maintain the relationship rather than speaking your truth. The difficult conversations are vital to your health and well being.

So ask yourself, who is running the show? You must choose you! In the face of abuse what else are you going to do?

If you want to be in charge of your life and have loving relationships with people who also love themselves you must change the way you view relationships and yourself. There is no other way.

There are resources to help you. Follow this link to a resource where you may just find the help you
need: http://bit.ly/2qBHUd8

As always, you must be safe. If you are living in a destructive relationship do what you can for yourself while still in your current living situation.

Love & Devotion to Self

Saturday, April 14th, 2018

No ContactDevotion to self is pretty easy when things are going well. Being present with love & devotion to self when stressed is something entirely different.

In my line of work I spend most of my time being out in the customer’s home. For the most part I can tell myself I’m going to have a great day and keep that self talk going. I need to do this because sales is a tough job and can get discouraging because there are multiple challenges and rejection to face on a regular basis. I know that’s part of the job and I accept it.

However

There are times when no amount of self talk is going to save me. When I’m hungry and tired and in a customer’s home with another hour or so to go it can be hard to cope.

But the one thing that drives me nuts is when I can’t find a pen!!

I have lots of pens–but due to the hectic nature of the work, pens disappear. This is a problem when it comes to taking measurements and writing up invoices. A few weeks back I couldn’t find a pen so I ended up borrowing one from the customer wrote out the invoice and finished the consult.

As challenges go not having a pen is not a gigantic one yet it can be unnerving in a sales situation because having a pen is important. In the moment my head scolds me telling me how unprofessional it makes me look not to have a pen. On the other hand I tell myself it makes me look human so I step back, take a deep breath and give myself some grace.

So the point to this is:

I really concentrated on not beating myself up over not having a pen but instead with determination found an old zipper pouch and stashed quite a few pens in it. I also ended up getting a better bag–one with more storage compartments.

When things don’t go exactly like you would like them to but you’ve got your heart into what you do, know that it is enough. In fact, you’re likely doing an amazing job at what you do but fail to see how spectacular you really are.

The goal isn’t to be perfect but to be perfectly fine with yourself.

If we don’t challenge ourselves to love us by taking a stand for who we are and what we do in life–deep down we will know it.

Being devoted to self is the key to living life the way we are meant to live it in all aspects of life. Love who you are always. Think thoughts that allow positive forces to step into your consciousness. Really let the positive thoughts rule in your life. Kick the thoughts that don’t serve you to the curb and keep them there. One method I’ve found that works is picking up an imaginary shovel full of dirt and burying pesky negativity from the past. Once it’s buried it’s gone. If it comes back I get the shovel out again.

The biggest challenge we face is loving ourselves. We don’t have to do life perfectly we just need to live life and love ourselves unconditionally.

Anxiety Works Overtime

Wednesday, March 28th, 2018

Anxiety is never satisfied. In fact there are times when anxiety really outdoes itself and goes beyond the norm.

If it could it would keep us alert 24/7.

It depresses, alerts, foils, manipulates.

It talks us into something one minute and out of it the next.

It is relentless and we wage lifelong battles with it.

No one escapes but we can learn to lessen it.

So what do we do to tame this savage beast? How do we put it in it’s place so we can live life without succumbing to it’s wishes?

It’s so simple yet extremely difficult to calm anxiety down but
we’ve got to control it.

Control the amount of time it takes over in our lives.

We’ve got to tell it to go away, shut the door, slam the lid, seal it up.

Walk away.

We tell it to shut up and mean it!

There is no one else who can.

At 3am enough is enough.

When we obsess, hold onto a thought, keep a conversation going that needed to end 30 minutes ago we’ve allowed anxiety to take over. Next time you’re in that moment

STOP.

Take a deep breath in through the nose and hold for a count of four then release through your mouth. Your body gives you the signal that you’re okay.

BUT don’t take too many deep breaths in a row or you will hyperventilate which will make your anxiety worse.

You might think–deep breathing won’t get me a new job, solve my relationship problems, pay the bills, or get me out of debt and you’re right, it won’t

BUT

Taking a deep breath every now and then gets oxygen to the brain which in turn allows you to think more clearly. It also slows the heart rate down and makes you feel less anxious even if for a moment.

And if you put together enough of these brief moments whose to say that your body and mind won’t be better able to handle some of the major stressors in your life.

Give yourself a break every thirty minutes or so to take a deep breath. You could set an alarm on your phone, find a visual cue like a clock or make a sign that says BREATHE…to help you. Stick that sign where you can see it!

Whatever you use, make it a practice to take big deep breaths regularly throughout your day. It’s one way to take an active measure to keep anxiety at bay.

No Contact

With the Intention of Being Real

Monday, January 15th, 2018

Being real.

Seems easy enough and I think we believe we actually are being real most of the time.

Yet when it comes right down to it and you have the opportunity to say what you really mean when it goes completely against what someone else believes will you play it nice and go along with what they say?

OR

Will you tell them what you really think?

When you sincerely agree, you agree and it is absolutely and positively no problem but when you don’t yet you say that you do

you are not being real.

Going against yourself hurts no one but you and the more you do it the more you will continue to do it.

It is far more honest and in honor of yourself to go into conversation with the intention of being real.

Being real doesn’t mean being mean hurtful or acting rude or uncaring.

Being real simply means that you let other people know what you think and who you are.

They may disagree with you.

Them may be critical of you.

They may choose to walk away from you

However, you live from the inside out.

Not the other way around.

Who you are, what you stand for, what you say, and what you think are part of you.

You misrepresent yourself if you don’t stand up for all that you believe.

If you fear telling another what you think, who you are, what you believe, you must face the fact that you have this fear and act accordingly which may mean disengaging with this other person altogether.

If you fear telling another person what you think, who you are, and what you believe because you fear for your life you must act accordingly and do what is necessary to keep yourself safe.

If you are not safe please call:

1-800-799-7233

TTY 1-800-787-3224

No Contact

FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real

Wednesday, January 3rd, 2018

No ContactFEAR

False
Evidence
Appearing
Real

When we fear something we believe with all our might that our fear is real.

We absolutely and positively believe that our fear is stopping us from doing stupid, ridiculous, and even dangerous things.

And sometimes it is true that we can have fear about things that we are wise to be fearful of but many things we are scared of are not really things we should be afraid of.

So what is it about fear that puts this stranglehold on us?

We fear that something terrible is going to happen to us if we do this one thing.

For me, making customer service calls to my past customers, is something I dread.

I believe that by calling my past customers and asking them how they like the window treatments I sold them that they will call me names, swear at me, or hang up.

I also think that when I ask these same customers if they have received compliments in regards to the window treatments I sold them that they will accuse me of trying to get referrals from them and refuse to give them to me.

And if they did accuse me of trying to get referrals from them the truth is I do want to encourage them to help me speak to other who people I may be able to help because I love what I do and I sincerely believe I can help their friends and family.

And even if my past customers call me names, swear at me or hang up on me, I will survive. None of those things will cause me bodily harm or injure me in any way.

And there is nothing, absolutely nothing wrong with me calling my past customers, asking them how they are doing, how the window treatments are working, and if they have received compliments.

Yet I believe what I am doing by calling my customers is somehow wrong or bad and I will come up with any excuse to avoid making those calls.

I would go so far as to say that I could see me losing my business just because I am afraid of making those calls.

So I’ve decided that in order to prove to myself that I can get past my blocks and make the dreaded calls to my past customers I am going to aim to make 50 calls by the end of this month. If I make 5 calls a day it is totally doable for me to make 50 calls in 10 days. So I will update you at the end of this month.

What do you fear? What is your block? Is it a real genuine fear or is it False Evidence Appearing Real?

Purpose

Monday, January 1st, 2018

Living without purpose means living life without an anchor-without roots.

Our roots are planted from inside us and then branch out.

Being firmly rooted from the inside provides structure and awareness of self. Once we are firmly
rooted we will seek out others who are the same.

When we attempt to root our existence by attaching to another person for our security, solidness, and support before firmly attaching to self we become dependent on that other person for our survival.

We are responsible for us.

We develop our sense of self from within.

As children we depended on others for our survival.

As adults we are responsible for ourselves and our own survival.

Root your feet to the ground beneath you and establish your own root system.

You will know your purpose because you are solidly established from within.

Defeating the Narcissist

Saturday, December 2nd, 2017

Defeating the narcissist is not hard yet it does require that you do something which might appear foreign to you but is absolutely necessary.

You must anchor into the truth of you.

You must feel into who you are and the knowing of who you are.

You must believe that you know who you are and that no one else on this earth knows this truth better than you do.

You must partner with yourself and believe in what your inner being tells you.

You must believe what your inner being tells you ALWAYS even when you come face to face with someone who tells you that you don’t know who you are and that you don’t know what you want, don’t know what is happening, and don’t know what you’re talking about.

Narcissists will tell you whatever they need to tell you to manifest their agenda. Everything they do and say is a means to that end.

Narcissists will lie when it suits them which is quite often.

Narcissists will lie when there is absolutely no reason to lie. They may tell you they had cereal for breakfast when they really had pancakes. They may tell you they bought a new coat when they didn’t and then when you compliment them on their new coat the next time you see them they say it’s not new and that they never told you they bought a new coat.

Narcissists are unconscious. They don’t face the truth of who they are because their wounding, like all of us who are among the walking wounded, have deep wounds from childhood. We either face these wounds and heal them or we don’t. Narcissists don’t and they won’t.

Our job has human beings is to live consciously in our own truth. When we do this we stop dancing with narcissists. When we face our own truth we have no interest in narcissists and want nothing to do with them.

If you are separated from and must co-parent with a narcissist stand up for the truth of you and for your children. Face the obstacles in your way and calmly and deliberately get your ducks in a row and keep them there. Do your research and document. Document even when you don’t think you need to document because the narcissist will throw you off if you are not one step ahead of them at all times. When you consistently take care of business they will see the change, your children will see the change, and you will feel the change in your mind and in your body. At this point the contact you have with them is only for your children–their health and wellness, scheduling, education.

Narcissists sniff out unconscious co-dependents like heat seeking missiles AND they know when a person is not worth messing with. They know this because people who are grounded in who they are won’t put up with people who play games with the heart, the mind, and the soul. Grounded people know themselves and know exactly what they need to make their lives work. They ask questions of other people that will give them the answers they need. They don’t put up with other people telling them untruths about who they are because they already know who they are. They don’t fall for sweet words that are all fluff and no substance. Remember, narcissists tell people anything they think is necessary in order to get others to do what they want them to do. When you call them on their words and stand tall in your own truth consistently they will back off and slink away.

Defeating the narcissist isn’t the end goal. Defeating the narcissist is a necessary step that must be taken in order to have the space and the freedom to move you forward to your true self.

No Contact