Archive for the ‘Fear’ Category

With the Intention of Being Real

Monday, January 15th, 2018

Being real.

Seems easy enough and I think we believe we actually are being real most of the time.

Yet when it comes right down to it and you have the opportunity to say what you really mean when it goes completely against what someone else believes will you play it nice and go along with what they say?

OR

Will you tell them what you really think?

When you sincerely agree, you agree and it is absolutely and positively no problem but when you don’t yet you say that you do

you are not being real.

Going against yourself hurts no one but you and the more you do it the more you will continue to do it.

It is far more honest and in honor of yourself to go into conversation with the intention of being real.

Being real doesn’t mean being mean hurtful or acting rude or uncaring.

Being real simply means that you let other people know what you think and who you are.

They may disagree with you.

Them may be critical of you.

They may choose to walk away from you

However, you live from the inside out.

Not the other way around.

Who you are, what you stand for, what you say, and what you think are part of you.

You misrepresent yourself if you don’t stand up for all that you believe.

If you fear telling another what you think, who you are, what you believe, you must face the fact that you have this fear and act accordingly which may mean disengaging with this other person altogether.

If you fear telling another person what you think, who you are, and what you believe because you fear for your life you must act accordingly and do what is necessary to keep yourself safe.

If you are not safe please call:

1-800-799-7233

TTY 1-800-787-3224

No Contact

FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real

Wednesday, January 3rd, 2018

No ContactFEAR

False
Evidence
Appearing
Real

When we fear something we believe with all our might that our fear is real.

We absolutely and positively believe that our fear is stopping us from doing stupid, ridiculous, and even dangerous things.

And sometimes it is true that we can have fear about things that we are wise to be fearful of but many things we are scared of are not really things we should be afraid of.

So what is it about fear that puts this stranglehold on us?

We fear that something terrible is going to happen to us if we do this one thing.

For me, making customer service calls to my past customers, is something I dread.

I believe that by calling my past customers and asking them how they like the window treatments I sold them that they will call me names, swear at me, or hang up.

I also think that when I ask these same customers if they have received compliments in regards to the window treatments I sold them that they will accuse me of trying to get referrals from them and refuse to give them to me.

And if they did accuse me of trying to get referrals from them the truth is I do want to encourage them to help me speak to other who people I may be able to help because I love what I do and I sincerely believe I can help their friends and family.

And even if my past customers call me names, swear at me or hang up on me, I will survive. None of those things will cause me bodily harm or injure me in any way.

And there is nothing, absolutely nothing wrong with me calling my past customers, asking them how they are doing, how the window treatments are working, and if they have received compliments.

Yet I believe what I am doing by calling my customers is somehow wrong or bad and I will come up with any excuse to avoid making those calls.

I would go so far as to say that I could see me losing my business just because I am afraid of making those calls.

So I’ve decided that in order to prove to myself that I can get past my blocks and make the dreaded calls to my past customers I am going to aim to make 50 calls by the end of this month. If I make 5 calls a day it is totally doable for me to make 50 calls in 10 days. So I will update you at the end of this month.

What do you fear? What is your block? Is it a real genuine fear or is it False Evidence Appearing Real?

Defeating the Narcissist

Saturday, December 2nd, 2017

Defeating the narcissist is not hard yet it does require that you do something which might appear foreign to you but is absolutely necessary.

You must anchor into the truth of you.

You must feel into who you are and the knowing of who you are.

You must believe that you know who you are and that no one else on this earth knows this truth better than you do.

You must partner with yourself and believe in what your inner being tells you.

You must believe what your inner being tells you ALWAYS even when you come face to face with someone who tells you that you don’t know who you are and that you don’t know what you want, don’t know what is happening, and don’t know what you’re talking about.

Narcissists will tell you whatever they need to tell you to manifest their agenda. Everything they do and say is a means to that end.

Narcissists will lie when it suits them which is quite often.

Narcissists will lie when there is absolutely no reason to lie. They may tell you they had cereal for breakfast when they really had pancakes. They may tell you they bought a new coat when they didn’t and then when you compliment them on their new coat the next time you see them they say it’s not new and that they never told you they bought a new coat.

Narcissists are unconscious. They don’t face the truth of who they are because their wounding, like all of us who are among the walking wounded, have deep wounds from childhood. We either face these wounds and heal them or we don’t. Narcissists don’t and they won’t.

Our job has human beings is to live consciously in our own truth. When we do this we stop dancing with narcissists. When we face our own truth we have no interest in narcissists and want nothing to do with them.

If you are separated from and must co-parent with a narcissist stand up for the truth of you and for your children. Face the obstacles in your way and calmly and deliberately get your ducks in a row and keep them there. Do your research and document. Document even when you don’t think you need to document because the narcissist will throw you off if you are not one step ahead of them at all times. When you consistently take care of business they will see the change, your children will see the change, and you will feel the change in your mind and in your body. At this point the contact you have with them is only for your children–their health and wellness, scheduling, education.

Narcissists sniff out unconscious co-dependents like heat seeking missiles AND they know when a person is not worth messing with. They know this because people who are grounded in who they are won’t put up with people who play games with the heart, the mind, and the soul. Grounded people know themselves and know exactly what they need to make their lives work. They ask questions of other people that will give them the answers they need. They don’t put up with other people telling them untruths about who they are because they already know who they are. They don’t fall for sweet words that are all fluff and no substance. Remember, narcissists tell people anything they think is necessary in order to get others to do what they want them to do. When you call them on their words and stand tall in your own truth consistently they will back off and slink away.

Defeating the narcissist isn’t the end goal. Defeating the narcissist is a necessary step that must be taken in order to have the space and the freedom to move you forward to your true self.

No Contact

Strong Arming by Silencing You

Sunday, November 5th, 2017

No ContactIf you are in a relationship with a partner who practices strong arming you are familiar with words that block you from speaking your truth. Having a conversation that confronts or questions is usually met with blocks such as:

We’re not going to talk about this.

OR

I’ve told you I don’t want to talk about this.

OR

Don’t talk to me about this.

OR

If you continue to talk about this or if you don’t stop talking about this–there’s the door.

etc. etc.

You may think you are obligated to keep silent.

You might decide that having your truth heard is not worth the fallout and choose to keep your thoughts to yourself.

However, by silencing your truth you squelch who you are as a human being.

You miss out on being who you are meant to be.

No one has the right to take YOU out of the picture.

No one has the right to tell you what you can and can’t talk about.

No one has the right to tell you that what you have to say means nothing and is better left unsaid.

But every time you allow another person to silence your words you are allowing another person to take away your freedom to be you.

Strong arming is a tactic used by abusers and is used to gain and retain power.

You don’t have to live life being strong armed.

The only person stopping you from breaking the pattern is YOU.

You only have one life. Make it your own.

As always if you are in a situation in which you are not safe seek help.

1-800-799-7233 Domestic Abuse Hotline

If Someone Tells You…

Wednesday, September 20th, 2017

No ContactIf someone tells you…

That you can’t you can.

That you won’t; you will if you are determined.

That you’ll fail, you might but you will get back up if you are determined.

If another person tells you…

You are not good enough; you are absolutely better than good enough as long as you believe with every fiber of your being that you are and the more you believe it and tell yourself you are the more you will start to truly believe it.

If another person comes along and tells you…

That you don’t know what you’re doing; it’s a sure sign that they have no idea what they’re doing and are hoping you’ll believe them so they can feel better about themselves.

If someone else tells you to listen to them because they have your best interests at heart pay very close attention to what your gut tells you about this person.

When you pay too much attention to what those outside yourself are telling you about yourself you are not paying enough attention to what is taking place inside of you and what you are telling you. Be kind and gentle when communicating with you and let yourself know each and every day how much you truly love yourself. To do so is a game changer.MomBadge100x100trans

Anchored In Your Truth

Sunday, September 17th, 2017

When you’re anchored in your truth you feel it.

There’s no need to beg for accountability from others because what someone else does or doesn’t do has nothing to do with you.

When we beg for accountability from another person we’re not anchored in our truth. We are living from the outside in rather than the inside out meaning that we are only okay as long as the people in our life are doing what we want them to do.

This isn’t to say that we shouldn’t expect others to be accountable for their actions. Yet if our truth and our life being okay hinge solely on what others do and don’t do and who others are or aren’t we’re setting ourselves up for failure.

When we’re anchored in our truth other people can do or say or be who and what they want to be. We will not fall apart because it isn’t what we want them to do or be. We can encourage and if asked, give our opinion but other people get to live their lives without us passing judgement on them.

We don’t need to be around people who do not match who we are–that is always our choice to make.

No ContactMomBadge100x100trans

Rolling Around With Bad People

Sunday, September 3rd, 2017

No ContactWhen you choose to become involved with any new person it’s always your decision to do so.

When you roll around with a person who at first presented as a good person then you discover is really a bad person and yet you continue to stay with this person in hopes they will get better, be nicer, and not hurt you, it is always your decision to do so.

And after you’ve had enough go arounds with this person which could be months years or decades and you decide to leave this person it is again your decision to do so.

Then When this person comes to you begging for forgiveness promising they will change their ways and behave better, be kinder, straighten up their act, stop lying, cheating, and doing other bad things it is your decision to start rolling around with them again or stay away from them for good.

It is not about them.

It is not about anything that they do, say, act upon, manipulate, cause harm to, or destroy.

It is only ever about you and at the beginning, the very beginning, listening to what they say about who they are because they will tell you exactly who they are if you really listen and ask the hard questions.

It is about you listening to your inner voice, the one deep inside you telling you in the very beginning that something is off.

It is about you not second guessing your inner being who knows and loves you and wants only the very best for you. When you second guess you it’s because you let your ego take over and the ego is not the part of you that has the deep sense of who you are.

It must become automatic to listen to your inner being and follow it,learn from it, love it, believe in it and more than anything…trust it because it is on your side. Any new person you meet doesn’t know you and has no history with you. The only way you will get to know any new person is to spend time with them, engage in conversation with them, and ask them the hard questions. You will learn by getting to know them what those hard questions are.

Be kind to you and others will start showing up in your life who will do the same.

Look Within First

Friday, August 11th, 2017

No ContactWe get into destructive relationships with other people places things

because we are looking for something outside ourselves that will make

us feel better about who we are. The construction of our being turns destructive.

We’ll feel better about who we are when we find what we need from within.

As we erect our solid foundation we are better equipped to contribute

to meaningful and rewarding relationships.

Other people add variety fun and emotional fulfillment.

They add spice and flavor.

You don’t need ¬†people places and things who destroy what you’ve ¬†constructed.

If you think you need what someone else has look deeper.

You have all you need.

We’re always going to be a work in progress.

We add onto take away from and fine tune our  state of being on a daily basis.

Keep the basic blueprint; it’s got you this far and won’t fail you.

No Contact

 

 

Trust

Sunday, July 9th, 2017

Trust yourself first.

If you don’t follow your gut and follow your basic instincts who do you think you should be listening to?

Is there someone out there who knows all the answers to make your life easier to live?

Is there another person you know who knows everything there is to know about you better than you?

And even if there was an all knowing individual out there who you consider to be the supreme know-it-all about you and you did everything they told you to do, would the results be any better than what you create for yourself?

You need to trust yourself first and foremost. Many of us who have been in abusive and otherwise disappointing relationships have had great difficulty trusting ourselves. Many of us learned in childhood that we couldn’t trust our hearts, our thoughts, our instincts, nothing. We were led to believe that we didn’t have any idea what was best for us and so because of this have struggled in adulthood to reverse this self defeating mindset.

If we all trusted ourselves deeply on the inside rather than seeking outward advice and approval there would be less pain and suffering and more joy. When we seek answers from outside ourselves we get into trouble because we lose who we are. We’ve got the answers; we’ve just got to trust that we do!

I have spent years of my life in difficult relationships and in some instances put myself and my family in danger because I refused to listen to my gut. It took me far longer than it ever should have to extricate myself from painful relationships simply because I refused to consistently pay attention to my instincts.

If you have related to others who have led you to believe you can’t trust in you, distance yourself from these people or if that’s not possible, stand up to them by standing up and acknowledging the power within you.

People who tell you you don’t know what you are talking about or that you didn’t see what you saw or didn’t hear what you heard, or don’t know what you know to be true are gas lighting you and that practice is insidious.

People who do this will wear you down so be prepared to consistently resist their attempts to throw you off track. Come back to you and ask yourself if what you heard feels right to you or if it feels off. If it feels off accept that it does, don’t question that! Do question the other person though. Ask them hard questions. Ask them the questions you’re afraid to ask because you don’t want to rock the boat. Ask them the questions that you know you need to ask. Let them know who you are. If you are afraid to ask the hard questions or don’t want to let them know who you really are and what you really want, why in the world would you want to continue on with this person?

As you gain momentum and consistently maintain your power from within, you will find that those others who want you to cast doubt in yourself start distancing themselves from you OR they will straighten up their act. Don’t however, hold your breath as they are not likely to clean up their game to keep you in their life. It’s too easy to find other people who will easily and willingly become their prey.

No Contact

High Anxiety

Sunday, June 18th, 2017

High anxiety kills relationships.

High anxiety can kill you.

Every day you live in high anxiety is

One less day you fully live.

You render yourself extinct with fear.

Limit your anxiety with any method that works for you.

An anxiety reliever that comes from the actions you take

Rather than from what you ingest is worth its weight in gold.

No Contact