If you are considering a committed relationship and want to get a clear picture about what you’re bringing to the table check out the relationships you have with your kids.
Our kids know us–backwards forwards inside out. They are experts on us. In their eyes we are transparent. There is little that gets passed them and potentially they can use this to their advantage.
How we manage or mismanage our lives in our significant relationships has EVERYTHING to do with how we manage the relationships we have with our children. If things aren’t going so well in that arena take heed.
We are not victims when it comes to relating with our children–after all we are the adults, right?
Ask yourself a few questions:
Does my child know when I’m tired?
This is the time when you’re too tired to say no and thus the best time to ask for favors, toys, cash, big ticket items, whatever. It is more likely that you will give in or at least be somewhat approachable in terms of introducing a new want or need.
Does my child know my emotions?
Does your child know your emotional landscape? Do they know the ebbs and flows in your personality? If you haven’t been consistent in your parenting you don’t fool them for a second when you come on strong telling them “no” to this or that. They are willing to gamble and ride out that “no” with you if there is a chance–even a slim one that you will have a change of heart.
Does my child know what makes me vulnerable?
Does your child know what you fear? Many of our fears may go unspoken but our children likely know what scares us and what makes us feel threatened. The biggest threat to most human beings is the loss of love from those we love. The threat of losing the love from our children can send waves of panic through us. Consequently we may agree to things we shouldn’t or go along with things that aren’t right in order to avoid this pain.
Next time: Making Our Children Better People Makes Us Better Too
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