Archive for the ‘Children’ Category

Baby Elephant tied to a Peg

Sunday, January 28th, 2018

Have you felt tied to a peg? The link below is worth the read. You will need to copy and paste to view. Have a wonderful Sunday!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXTzc83CPZc”>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXTzc83CPZc

No Contact

Defeating the Narcissist

Saturday, December 2nd, 2017

Defeating the narcissist is not hard yet it does require that you do something which might appear foreign to you but is absolutely necessary.

You must anchor into the truth of you.

You must feel into who you are and the knowing of who you are.

You must believe that you know who you are and that no one else on this earth knows this truth better than you do.

You must partner with yourself and believe in what your inner being tells you.

You must believe what your inner being tells you ALWAYS even when you come face to face with someone who tells you that you don’t know who you are and that you don’t know what you want, don’t know what is happening, and don’t know what you’re talking about.

Narcissists will tell you whatever they need to tell you to manifest their agenda. Everything they do and say is a means to that end.

Narcissists will lie when it suits them which is quite often.

Narcissists will lie when there is absolutely no reason to lie. They may tell you they had cereal for breakfast when they really had pancakes. They may tell you they bought a new coat when they didn’t and then when you compliment them on their new coat the next time you see them they say it’s not new and that they never told you they bought a new coat.

Narcissists are unconscious. They don’t face the truth of who they are because their wounding, like all of us who are among the walking wounded, have deep wounds from childhood. We either face these wounds and heal them or we don’t. Narcissists don’t and they won’t.

Our job has human beings is to live consciously in our own truth. When we do this we stop dancing with narcissists. When we face our own truth we have no interest in narcissists and want nothing to do with them.

If you are separated from and must co-parent with a narcissist stand up for the truth of you and for your children. Face the obstacles in your way and calmly and deliberately get your ducks in a row and keep them there. Do your research and document. Document even when you don’t think you need to document because the narcissist will throw you off if you are not one step ahead of them at all times. When you consistently take care of business they will see the change, your children will see the change, and you will feel the change in your mind and in your body. At this point the contact you have with them is only for your children–their health and wellness, scheduling, education.

Narcissists sniff out unconscious co-dependents like heat seeking missiles AND they know when a person is not worth messing with. They know this because people who are grounded in who they are won’t put up with people who play games with the heart, the mind, and the soul. Grounded people know themselves and know exactly what they need to make their lives work. They ask questions of other people that will give them the answers they need. They don’t put up with other people telling them untruths about who they are because they already know who they are. They don’t fall for sweet words that are all fluff and no substance. Remember, narcissists tell people anything they think is necessary in order to get others to do what they want them to do. When you call them on their words and stand tall in your own truth consistently they will back off and slink away.

Defeating the narcissist isn’t the end goal. Defeating the narcissist is a necessary step that must be taken in order to have the space and the freedom to move you forward to your true self.

No Contact

Alternate Reality Living

Saturday, July 29th, 2017

When experiencing alternate reality living you most likely already know something feels off.

You may be trying to make someone else’s reality your own but if you have to try that hard it is unnerving, exhausting, and puts you smack dab in the middle of the wrong place.

Alternate realities come from being enmeshed and lost when in a relationship. We do this because we don’t have a clear view of the way our own reality should look or we are not committed to ourselves as the source for our life.

You have the ability to create your own reality which will in turn match you with others who are clear and confident in who they are and what their reality is. A person who is clear and confident in their own life will have the same expectation of you.

Say that you are with a heavy drinker but that’s not you? You are in a reality that is not a match for you.

Have you experienced a controller who calls all the shots and you find it’s just easier to keep the peace and go along with what they want rather than speak up and express your true wants desires and needs? This is another way we get sucked into the wrong reality…one that is not comfortable or compatible with who we are.

You have choices in either of the above situations but it will require that you speak up and say what it is you want. If you fear speaking up you already have your answer. You’re selling out so that you can continue to stay in a relationship that is not right for you.

Staying in relationships that cause stress and/or heartache are toxic for you and if you continue to stay it will effect you in more and more unhealthy ways as time goes on.

This kind of reality restricts your life. You must conform to the circumstances and learn to live with a heavy weight in your body and soul or do what is necessary to change the circumstances by standing up to your partner and telling them what you need and want and then taking action.

You have the tools to live a wonderful life with people in your life who are a match for you but you have to believe this to be true.
No Contact

Locked Up or Locked Out?

Sunday, February 26th, 2017

No Contact Warning, if you are offended by talk of breastfeeding you may want to move past the first few paragraphs.

Have you ever been locked up or locked out?

The other day I had a window treatment consultation with a customer who is a lactation consultant and it got it me to thinking of the experience I’d had with my last son who nursed for an extended period of time.
For the most part it was a great breastfeeding experience but there was a point when I got a breast infection which was a truly painful experience.

There was not much I could do to relieve the pain–my son’s nursing provided some relief but it wasn’t enough and I was miserable. I felt locked up. I didn’t have the right key to break the stronghold the infection had on me and the only way to get long lasting relief was to take an antibiotic. Once I got on the medication I found relief and ceased the locked up feeling I’d had.

Being locked up in the case of a breast infection is painful but there are other ways we get locked up or locked out, for instance:

Have you ever had a case of the nerves to the point where your words are locked up? I mean you may get some croaking verbalization to come out but it is truly difficult and silence is a better alternative. I had this happen once in an interview situation and no amount of water or deep breathing brought relief. I somehow croaked my way through but it was rough….

Have you ever been locked out of your car house or apartment? Locked out of your place of business or unable to open a combination lock?

Last week I couldn’t get my garage door to open. I entered the code, no luck, nothing. The back gate lock wouldn’t budge due to very cold conditions and swelling of the wood. I couldn’t get the front door to open because the deadbolt has a mind of it’s own and at that particular time no amount of leaning in or pulling out to get it to open would work.

Then out of the blue, the garage door opened on it’s own–must have been a radio frequency issue–but I was finally able to get inside.

Being closed out is tough and when it happens it affects us mightily. We can be locked out of jobs, promotions, all sorts of opportunities because there is something we need and don’t have or some intangible that we are missing. In the case of an entry to a house, vehicle, gate, etc we can get the right key or code and then relief is ours.

In the case of a job, promotion, or desired opportunity, being locked out could last awhile.

If it’s possible to get what we need like a license, certification, award, etc. we know what we need to do.

But it may be that this one thing we need to unlock our locked out conditions may not come to us.

Alexander Graham Bell said it best:

“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one that has opened for us.”

Feeling locked up whether it be breastfeeding, your words, incarceration, or another way, relief comes through a process–whatever that may be…

If you are locked out, move forward, find a way to appreciate the door standing in front of you that is open.

To be Part of Imperfectly Memorable Experiences

Monday, January 30th, 2017

Special events are opportunities to be part of imperfectly memorable experiences.

Laying the ground work with planning and organization sets the stage however the people and the unknowns color the canvass in a way that makes these experiences unforgettable.

Stuff happens–

People don’t show up or show up late.

Some will gripe and complain while others don’t talk or talk very little.

Children may cry or throw tantrums.

There’s too much food or not enough.

Some drink too much and get rowdy.

You’ll do what you have to when things get out of hand.

Look around.

Soak it all in.

Think to yourself, I’m here–this is my life–and I’m happy to be here.

No Contact

 

 

Character

Friday, November 25th, 2016

No Contact

The character of a person is displayed when it seems no one is looking

yet everyone can see…

The Ladder to Success

Sunday, September 18th, 2016

No ContactIf you climb the ladder to success climbing means exposing yourself to rusty nails and faulty rungs that are crooked and need of repair.

It means sitting down at times when you procrastinate taking one more step.

It may take more than a few attempts to make it to the top.

Is it worth it?

Only you can be the judge of that but this I can say:

Life without a hard fought climb will not be as invigorating, stimulating, or inspirational.

The climb will get you up each morning with more zest and put zip in your life.

Whether your goal is relational, spiritual, or in the business realm you will feel growth that leads you to new endeavors you might not have thought possible.

Can’t Win Without Losing

Monday, March 21st, 2016

Winning is great, sure, but if you are really going to do something in life, the secret is learning how to lose. Nobody goes undefeated all the time. If you can pick up after a crushing defeat, and go on to win again, you are going to be a champion some day. Wilma Rudolph

Cut-Offs

Sunday, February 21st, 2016

This blog was started as it related to the book No Contact: Ending a Destructive Relationship. The relationship which ends is abusive/destructive to the person wanting to eliminate contact or if that is not possible, to restrict contact as much as possible.

Another way contact can end a relationship is as is described in the article written by Esther Kane, MSW, RSW, Registered Clinical Counselor. In this article the author describes the end of a familial relationship through a cut-off. She says people who have gone through this are as bewildered as they are devastated.

Below is a link to the article that was written in 2011 with some thoughts about family who have been cut-off by other family members. According to Kane, it is a pretty common phenomenon especially after the holidays.

http://bit.ly/1mmc9hB

No Contact

The Prize

Saturday, January 23rd, 2016

When I was a kid I used to walk down to the neighborhood little store and buy treats. One of my favorites was a box of crackerjacks. I especially liked buying this candy because of the prize that I knew was somewhere in that box.

I knew there was a prize and it was coming.

It was the excitement of not having and then suddenly having.

Going to the fair and doing ring toss, darts, and the penny toss are still fun for me.

Getting an expected or unexpected something is gigantic bonus. Who in the world doesn’t need this–especially when the chips are down?

When all in life is going south just one small something is exactly enough.

It doesn’t need to be enormous like winning a lottery.

It doesn’t need to be fancy and expensive like jewelry or a new car.

The best prizes make us feel special and amazed all at the same time. We’re singled out for a moment and that is FANTASTIC!

When my children were small and either they or a neighbor child came to me with a flower–usually a dandelion–it absolutely made my day!

Once at one of my window treatment consults the son of my customer came up and handed me a drawing he’d made for me.

I loved it.

These are prizes–and they are wonderful.

The best is never the most expensive tremendous or stupendous.

It’s not the most mind-blowing and jaw-dropping either.

The best comes from the heart and it’s got soul written all over it.

I hope you have a prize moment today and if not today real soon. One that makes you immediately think–ah-ha! That’s it! Yes!

No Contact