Defeating the Narcissist

Defeating the narcissist is not hard yet it does require that you do something which might appear foreign to you but is absolutely necessary.

You must anchor into the truth of you.

You must feel into who you are and the knowing of who you are.

You must believe that you know who you are and that no one else on this earth knows this truth better than you do.

You must partner with yourself and believe in what your inner being tells you.

You must believe what your inner being tells you ALWAYS even when you come face to face with someone who tells you that you don’t know who you are and that you don’t know what you want, don’t know what is happening, and don’t know what you’re talking about.

Narcissists will tell you whatever they need to tell you to manifest their agenda. Everything they do and say is a means to that end.

Narcissists will lie when it suits them which is quite often.

Narcissists will lie when there is absolutely no reason to lie. They may tell you they had cereal for breakfast when they really had pancakes. They may tell you they bought a new coat when they didn’t and then when you compliment them on their new coat the next time you see them they say it’s not new and that they never told you they bought a new coat.

Narcissists are unconscious. They don’t face the truth of who they are because their wounding, like all of us who are among the walking wounded, have deep wounds from childhood. We either face these wounds and heal them or we don’t. Narcissists don’t and they won’t.

Our job has human beings is to live consciously in our own truth. When we do this we stop dancing with narcissists. When we face our own truth we have no interest in narcissists and want nothing to do with them.

If you are separated from and must co-parent with a narcissist stand up for the truth of you and for your children. Face the obstacles in your way and calmly and deliberately get your ducks in a row and keep them there. Do your research and document. Document even when you don’t think you need to document because the narcissist will throw you off if you are not one step ahead of them at all times. When you consistently take care of business they will see the change, your children will see the change, and you will feel the change in your mind and in your body. At this point the contact you have with them is only for your children–their health and wellness, scheduling, education.

Narcissists sniff out unconscious co-dependents like heat seeking missiles AND they know when a person is not worth messing with. They know this because people who are grounded in who they are won’t put up with people who play games with the heart, the mind, and the soul. Grounded people know themselves and know exactly what they need to make their lives work. They ask questions of other people that will give them the answers they need. They don’t put up with other people telling them untruths about who they are because they already know who they are. They don’t fall for sweet words that are all fluff and no substance. Remember, narcissists tell people anything they think is necessary in order to get others to do what they want them to do. When you call them on their words and stand tall in your own truth consistently they will back off and slink away.

Defeating the narcissist isn’t the end goal. Defeating the narcissist is a necessary step that must be taken in order to have the space and the freedom to move you forward to your true self.

No Contact

Deservedness

How deserving do you believe you are?

Do you feel that you deserve whatever it is that you want in your life?

If you feel that you are deserving but don’t put your deservedness into practice you won’t live your life and show up in your life as the deserving person you are.

Often people feel that they must be a certain way, do certain things, act a certain way and say certain things in order to prove that they are deserving. Sometimes people feel they are deserving until they run into a person who makes them feel less than who they really are.

Sometimes people genuinely don’t think they are deserving and therefore worthy of deservedness because they haven’t done anything spectacular with their life!

Spectacular? What does a person have to do to be considered spectacular?

If we all held ourselves up to some lofty standard of what constitutes as spectacular we would fail at being the miracle we already are.

The fear of not being worthy damages us beyond measure.

We are deserving–wholly and unequivocally deserving because we exist.

We are deserving. It doesn’t matter what others say to the contrary. You live from the inside out meaning who you are inside is who you are regardless of what other people say do or think.

Own your deservedness. No one else can own it for you.

No Contact

Strong Arming by Silencing You

No ContactIf you are in a relationship with a partner who practices strong arming you are familiar with words that block you from speaking your truth. Having a conversation that confronts or questions is usually met with blocks such as:

We’re not going to talk about this.

OR

I’ve told you I don’t want to talk about this.

OR

Don’t talk to me about this.

OR

If you continue to talk about this or if you don’t stop talking about this–there’s the door.

etc. etc.

You may think you are obligated to keep silent.

You might decide that having your truth heard is not worth the fallout and choose to keep your thoughts to yourself.

However, by silencing your truth you squelch who you are as a human being.

You miss out on being who you are meant to be.

No one has the right to take YOU out of the picture.

No one has the right to tell you what you can and can’t talk about.

No one has the right to tell you that what you have to say means nothing and is better left unsaid.

But every time you allow another person to silence your words you are allowing another person to take away your freedom to be you.

Strong arming is a tactic used by abusers and is used to gain and retain power.

You don’t have to live life being strong armed.

The only person stopping you from breaking the pattern is YOU.

You only have one life. Make it your own.

As always if you are in a situation in which you are not safe seek help.

1-800-799-7233 Domestic Abuse Hotline

Overly Grateful

Being grateful and appreciative toward others is in general a good way to be. Being overly grateful and communicating just how grateful you truly are is something else and can set you up for abuse.

We hear a lot about gratitude and even journaling about the people and things in life that we feel so grateful to have. Being grateful is something to strive for especially in a society where a strong sense of entitlement is actually becoming more and more common.

The thing is you need to watch just how much gratitude you put out there.

If someone does something special for you and your reaction to this is something like–no one has ever done this for me before or I am so grateful to you for going out of your way to do this for me or you shouldn’t have done this or thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for this kind gesture etc.

Own your gratitude and do show your appreciation but be No Contactmindful of the attention you receive from others. The consideration you give to yourself is as important if not more so than what you receive from another person.

Second Guess Yourself

You’ve decided on a goal, something you want to do or be. You’re excited and have done your due diligence and are confident enough to move forward. Then something happens, you become discouraged and start to second guess yourself.

It could be something small like a look or gesture from someone else. It could be a little bigger like another person telling you your idea won’t work or that there are too many others who have tried and failed. It could be something bigger like a test failure or failure to get a job interview.

It could be something much bigger like a financial setback or denial of a loan or rejected by a school program or employer.

It could be anything.

Just because you have a setback doesn’t mean your original plan was fraught with errors and it definitely doesn’t mean you should give up. It just means that following the path you’ve chosen is challenging and hard work.

Now is where it gets interesting. It’s time to buckle down and problem solve. There are ways to solve the problem that is currently standing in your way. Think of at least five ways to solve it. Map it out. Talk it out. Get the opinion of someone you trust who won’t discourage you.

Don’t give up!

No Contact

Magnifying Glass

When you feel feel tempted to take out the magnifying glass, pick up a mirror instead.

No Contact

Reprogram Self Talk

It is very easy to allow yourself to believe that life will not get better and that you do not have what it takes to move forward successfully in relationships, career, or in any other way.

Being in destructive relationships includes the one you’re in with yourself. When you have been put down, badgered, belittled, ignored, or physically, emotionally, mentally, or sexually abused, it is easy to believe that you cannot do anything right or are not as good as others.

It is easy to think this way because at some point in your life or maybe throughout life you have listened to others who have told you that you are some how defective or are missing something and because of this will always fail.

If whatever you believe, whatever recording you play over and over in your mind is negative, that noise can be deafening.  Silence the noise by playing a new recording–one that is positive uplifting and accurate. Memorize this recording and play it loud. Write it out and stick it to a wall where you will see it every day.

Start playing the new recording today. Play it over and over until you believe it. When the old negative recording starts to creep back into your thoughts focus on drowning it out with the new vibrant positive one.

Instead of being your own worst enemy concentrate on being your best friend.

No Contact

MomBadge125x125trans2

If Someone Tells You…

No ContactIf someone tells you…

That you can’t you can.

That you won’t; you will if you are determined.

That you’ll fail, you might but you will get back up if you are determined.

If another person tells you…

You are not good enough; you are absolutely better than good enough as long as you believe with every fiber of your being that you are and the more you believe it and tell yourself you are the more you will start to truly believe it.

If another person comes along and tells you…

That you don’t know what you’re doing; it’s a sure sign that they have no idea what they’re doing and are hoping you’ll believe them so they can feel better about themselves.

If someone else tells you to listen to them because they have your best interests at heart pay very close attention to what your gut tells you about this person.

When you pay too much attention to what those outside yourself are telling you about yourself you are not paying enough attention to what is taking place inside of you and what you are telling you. Be kind and gentle when communicating with you and let yourself know each and every day how much you truly love yourself. To do so is a game changer.MomBadge100x100trans

Anchored In Your Truth

When you’re anchored in your truth you feel it.

There’s no need to beg for accountability from others because what someone else does or doesn’t do has nothing to do with you.

When we beg for accountability from another person we’re not anchored in our truth. We are living from the outside in rather than the inside out meaning that we are only okay as long as the people in our life are doing what we want them to do.

This isn’t to say that we shouldn’t expect others to be accountable for their actions. Yet if our truth and our life being okay hinge solely on what others do and don’t do and who others are or aren’t we’re setting ourselves up for failure.

When we’re anchored in our truth other people can do or say or be who and what they want to be. We will not fall apart because it isn’t what we want them to do or be. We can encourage and if asked, give our opinion but other people get to live their lives without us passing judgement on them.

We don’t need to be around people who do not match who we are–that is always our choice to make.

No ContactMomBadge100x100trans

Rolling Around With Bad People

No ContactWhen you choose to become involved with any new person it’s always your decision to do so.

When you roll around with a person who at first presented as a good person then you discover is really a bad person and yet you continue to stay with this person in hopes they will get better, be nicer, and not hurt you, it is always your decision to do so.

And after you’ve had enough go arounds with this person which could be months years or decades and you decide to leave this person it is again your decision to do so.

Then When this person comes to you begging for forgiveness promising they will change their ways and behave better, be kinder, straighten up their act, stop lying, cheating, and doing other bad things it is your decision to start rolling around with them again or stay away from them for good.

It is not about them.

It is not about anything that they do, say, act upon, manipulate, cause harm to, or destroy.

It is only ever about you and at the beginning, the very beginning, listening to what they say about who they are because they will tell you exactly who they are if you really listen and ask the hard questions.

It is about you listening to your inner voice, the one deep inside you telling you in the very beginning that something is off.

It is about you not second guessing your inner being who knows and loves you and wants only the very best for you. When you second guess you it’s because you let your ego take over and the ego is not the part of you that has the deep sense of who you are.

It must become automatic to listen to your inner being and follow it,learn from it, love it, believe in it and more than anything…trust it because it is on your side. Any new person you meet doesn’t know you and has no history with you. The only way you will get to know any new person is to spend time with them, engage in conversation with them, and ask them the hard questions. You will learn by getting to know them what those hard questions are.

Be kind to you and others will start showing up in your life who will do the same.