Unemotional Existence with an Egocentric

Selfishness, self-centeredness, egotism, narcissism, call it what you want when a person feels the world revolves around their wants and needs. Being in a relationship with an egocentric person makes for an unemotional existence.  One thing you can always count on is that your needs and wants don’t count.

Egocentrics drain you dry and to survive you’ve got to pull away emotionally and physically. People who stay in a relationship with this type of person for financial and family reasons pay a very high price in the lack of emotional fulfillment.

The narcissist believes that the world must revolve around them. They are frustrated, angry, and irrational when they don’t get what they want. For their partner who desires a meaningful relationship, it feels like being on an empty battlefield. You know you’re in the fight of your life but your words go unheard, your feelings unnoticed. You’ll likely wonder,  “why am I here”?

It is vital for your future health and happiness that you recognize a selfish egotist early on in a new relationship. These people are usually quite charming initially so look beneath this facade when seeking a lasting relationship.

They will take center stage, demand constant attention, and when their needs aren’t met make sure you know that it is your responsibility to see that they are.

Egocentric people like to discredit others in order to make themselves appear better. Be aware of this because what they do with others they will also do with you when the situation warrants it. Read the rest of this entry »

The Accommodater

If you’re an accommodater you stop being genuine because it’s more important to keep the peace.

When you accommodate you worry about how another person feels as it relates to every little action you take which creates an imbalance of power.

For example, another person may make a comment about what you’re doing or not doing as it relates to them….maybe they want you to stop whatever it is you’re doing and do what they want you to do.

If you are in the middle of an activity you don’t need to make excuses for doing what you’re doing and you don’t need to stop what you’re doing just because another person implies that you should.

It is pretty darn liberating to say no.

Yes, is easy. Yes is always easy.

When you say yes you accommodate. It’s pleasing, it makes everything nice and neat and without conflict.

No is harder, always harder.

No goes against, is different from and is in conflict with.

When you mean no, say no. If you say yes but you really mean no you’re lying to yourself and the other person.

When you say what you mean you are helping others understand you better. You’re honoring your individuality.

Just do it.

You’ll be glad you did.

Note: If you’re in a domestic violence situation please seek help.

The Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY)

No Contact

We Must Give to Ourselves First

No ContactThose of us who keep looking to the outside for our happiness and well being are always going to find disappointment and likely even abuse in our love relationships because there is no living person who can give to us what we must give to ourselves first.

Another person can be supportive of who we are and stand beside us but if we do not stand up for us first why would another person? We will get exactly the type of relationship partner that we are ready to receive and if what we’re ready for is someone who is always looking for someone outside themselves to fill and make them whole we will be a match with that person because we are looking for the same thing.

If we get involved in love relationships too quickly before we truly know the person we are setting up the end of the relationship right from the beginning. Abusers like quick starts as they are not patient people. They want what they want when they want it and they let you know quickly that they are running the show. If you fear confronting this opposition and keep quiet when you should be speaking up you are choosing to maintain the relationship rather than speaking your truth. The difficult conversations are vital to your health and well being.

So ask yourself, who is running the show? You must choose you! In the face of abuse what else are you going to do?

If you want to be in charge of your life and have loving relationships with people who also love themselves you must change the way you view relationships and yourself. There is no other way.

There are resources to help you. Follow this link to a resource where you may just find the help you
need: http://bit.ly/2qBHUd8

As always, you must be safe. If you are living in a destructive relationship do what you can for yourself while still in your current living situation.

To Force Forgiveness

No ContactOne thing I know for sure is that it is impossible to force another person who has caused me hurt and pain to ask for my forgiveness.

Why would I want to do that anyway?

There would be no point to the forgiveness because it wouldn’t be sincere.

Forgiveness is not always timely and doesn’t happen in a straight line. If it happens at all, it often happens out of the blue when the deed done is something we’ve moved past.

If we try to get another person to see their wrongdoing it is completely counterproductive as we can not make anyone see anything. They must see it for themselves.

We are not here to be judge and jury. We live our lives and own our lives by taking responsibility for the things we do and say to others. As long we live like this we can go to bed at night and sleep soundly.

If you have lived with abuse you know what I’m talking about.

There is no way to force an apology.

You can learn to accept yourself and nurture you in the face of abuse. Not by putting up with the abuse but by standing up to the abuse in the safest way you possibly can.

More to Come…

What Needs Done First?

What needs done first? I asked myself this question at 4:30 this morning–way too early to be thinking about it but apparently my mind didn’t think so.

Eventually I did go back to sleep but not until I figured out why this question was gnawing at me so early in the morning.

There are usually too many things that need to be done on a daily basis and it’s not always easy to figure out what should be done first.

So the question becomes: What needs done first? What has got to be done first thing; right now; yesterday?

Is there one thing that’s eating at you and deep down you know if you just go and get it done you’ll be relieved?

In my case, I knew there were about twenty things but couldn’t put my finger on which one needed to be done first

until I realized that I couldn’t put my finger on it because I kept tripping over it on the floor!

 

It was a pile of stuff–papers. For at least a couple of months it was always there every single day.

And every single day I kept staring at it thinking yep, got to do something about it, but not now.

Later; always later…

So at 4:30 this morning that pile flashed in front of me and lo and behold, I figured out my what’s on first and today I finally took care of it.

It’s gone.

Thankfully.

Now, I can move on to the second, third, fourth and the other things on that list of stuff that ‘s got to be done.

I’m relieved.

So what do you keep tripping over, running into, ignoring, the thing you know you’ve just got to do when you’ve got the time?

What needs done first for you?

No Contact

 

 

 

What Needs Done First?

No ContactWhat needs done first? I asked myself this question at 4:30 this morning–way too early to be thinking about it but apparently my mind didn’t think so.

Eventually I did go back to sleep but not until I figured out why this question was gnawing at me so early in the morning.

There are usually too many things that need to be done on a daily basis and it’s not always easy to figure out what should be done first.

So the question becomes: What needs done first? What has got to be done first thing; right now; yesterday?

Is there one thing that’s eating at you and deep down you know if you just go and get it done you’ll be relieved?

In my case, I knew there were about twenty things but couldn’t put my finger on which one needed to be done first

until I realized that I couldn’t put my finger on it because I kept tripping over it on the floor!

 

It was a pile of stuff–papers. For at least a couple of months it was always there every single day.

And every single day I kept staring at it thinking yep, got to do something about it, but not now.

Later; always later…

So at 4:30 this morning that pile flashed in front of me and lo and behold, I figured out my what’s on first and today I finally took care of it.

It’s gone.

Thankfully.

Now, I can move on to the second, third, fourth and the other things on that list of stuff that ‘s got to be done.

I’m relieved.

So what do you keep tripping over, running into, ignoring, the thing you know you’ve just got to do when you’ve got the time?

What needs done first for you?

No Contact

 

 

 

Broken Hearts

Broken hearts are not easy to mend which is why it is imperative that you take the best care you can of the one you’ve got.

New love interests will come into your life and promise you the sun moon and the stars but if they promise you all of that too soon pay attention to that because it is not a minor detail.

It is easy to make a promise when love is fresh and new…before the dust has settled in. Once it has you may notice backtracking of the sweet words delivered early on. Plug your ears if you have to so you don’t take those words too seriously. Promises made early at the height of passion are likely intended as sweet words only.

Keep your heart strong by encapsulating it with your protection. You are the only one who can truly do this job. Giving sole power to someone else to protect your heart is risky. You can love others and they can love you but you must provide the protection needed for this precious organ.

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Full Engagement

No ContactFull engagement in your own life is a must.

Your own interests

Your own plans, activities, friends and family.

The best relationship any of us ever has is the one we have with ourselves. If it is when we form a partnership with another person we will add to what we already have rather than take away from what we love in order to accommodate a new partner.

For those of us who are experienced with being in destructive relationships, we tend to let the other person dictate what we do and don’t do, where we go, who we see and don’t see, heck we even let partners decide what we eat!

When it comes right down to it all any of us have is ourselves. Other people will leave us either through divorce, break up, abandonment or death.

You have this great opportunity while living to take care of you. Love others as best you can but remember they are humans just like you. They don’t own you and no human will ever be your higher power.

Engaging in your own life first and foremost will bring you the peace of mind that will allow you to have strong relationships with others.

The Weight of the Wrong Relationship

The weight of the wrong relationship is a heavy feeling that you’re truly not aware of til it’s gone.

You’re not aware of the lightness of life in general until you take that load off your shoulders.

Once the relationship is gone you may feel that you breathe easier and feel more relaxed knowing that there is no one looking over your shoulder telling you where you are failing or how you do not measure up.

In the right relationship you can make mistakes knowing that points are not being tallied–you’re safe.
No Contact

Waiting for a Shooting Star

Waiting around for an alcoholic to decide they have a drinking problem is like waiting for a shooting star to be within your field of view:

It may happen and if it does it’s spectacular!

Most of the time it only happens for a matter of seconds.

You wait and wait around for it to happen again and if you do your odds are better taking home major winnings after spinning a roulette wheel.

Save yourself time and mental anguish.

Let go and let God handle it. You cannot control the outcome of what any person on earth can do except yourself. Read the rest of this entry »